let's play house (3/3)
let's play house (3/3)
~ 6095w, m, (nana/jaejoong) - heirs AU, faux cest (think rachel/young do) I part i part ii.
“I like surprises but only when you’re naked and not trying to steal my wedding invitation.”
■ dedicating this to all jaenana shippers, esp. my dear writer friends harues and uljima
■ mini soundtrack thingy at the end of post
Jaejoong does what he does best - be a total, complete ass.
“Take me back, Jaejoong.”
And that’s not a request.
“Why would you want to go back to school?” He takes a sip of his black coffee and grins up at her.
“You hate it there, you always ditched with me.”
Nana scoffs, rolling her eyes at his implication. “When are you going to stop living in the past, Jaejoong?”
“When you stop living in the future.” He retorts hotly in contradiction to his usual ice prince demeanour.
The last thing Nana wants to do is cry at some empty café in the roughest area of Seoul (god knows if the napkins are even clean) but it’s getting hard not when his eyes are so fogged up with rage, a toxic carbon pool of blacks. It’s Jaejoong at his scariest and that says a lot.
Desperately, “Why are you doing this to me?”
His darkened eyes snaps to hers, says crisply, “Do we all have to have a reason for doing something selfish?”
“Jae -“
“I am selfish, I’ve always been selfish since the day I was born,” he says quickly, cutting her off and holding her gaze as the air she’s not breathing in hums with anticipation, “Selfish as I am, I was never happy, I’m selfish because I can, I never needed a reason to back it up.”
Nana wants to look away now, she can’t stand to the sight of him when he’s being faithful to himself. It makes her nervous and she doesn’t doubt for a second that, that is his goal to begin with.
“This time, I went through the trouble and found myself a reason,” He ignores her apparent discomfort and continues anyway. “I’m not marrying anyone and my reason? It will make me unhappy.”
“Have fun telling that to your father over tomorrow’s dinner.”
“Does it make you so unhappy that I’m cancelling my engagement because of you?” He tells it to her like it’s almost a joke, reaching across the small table to stroke her cheek. “I’d think most girls would have a better reaction than this.”
Her nostril flares at the casual nature of his muddied confession. “If you think because you are walking away, I’m doing the same - you’re wrong.”
“Sister, just because I’ve been more than lenient with you, I think it’s made you too comfortable for your own.” He frowns and snatches his hand away from her cheek, biting back an angry growl. “I always do what I please, you never know what I’m going to do with that fiancé of yours.”
Her jaw tightens, her fists closing in on her plaited skirt. “No one can stop it, Jaejoong, not even you.”
“You sure, sister?” He breaks in, kicking back his chair as he rises to his feet, a hot rush of hatred consuming him. “If I were you, I wouldn’t challenge me so much.” She flinches at his hot, biting words against her ear, “I can only restrain myself for so long, even when it comes to you.”
Nana tries to hold back the cry welling in her throat, she does. She bites her tongue and focuses on the traffic jammed road from a close distance, sternly reminding herself to keep it together, at least until he departs her because he always does.
(She does shed tears when he kicks off in his bike, unsure if it’s sadness or anger that consumes her emotional turmoil. All she knows is it’s unfair of Jaejoong to make her love even the foulest parts of him.)
-
When she finally finds success in crawling out of bed, it’s one in the morning and she’s shivering from the iciness of a mid-winter night when her toes touch the floor board.
At ten past one, she glances over at the phone next to her vanity.
Unsurprisingly, Yoochun name’s flashing across the screen like it’s been since half past four.
Unsurprisingly, Jaejoong’s never did.
Surprisingly, the solace she’s been awaiting does not come.
-
It’s the cliché: “Whatever twisted relationship, you and Jaejoong have going on - it needs to stop.”
Nana didn’t know what to expect on her Monday morning back to battle the ruthless society, but certainly, she did expect this at some point in time. Just not now; at the school’s gate with her uneven skirt and crooked collar with the wind blowing her curls askew under scrutinizing eyes of head bands wearing girls and polo hoarding boys.
Obviously, Jessica has other ideas in mind.
She thinks it’s going to come back and bite her in the ass by lunch time but she does it anyway - walks forward with her nose high up in the sky (a pose of pure snobbery her mother has educated her with at the age of seven) and brushes pass; Burberry backpack colliding with Hermes tote.
Maybe she’s scared, as of late, it’s nothing new.
-
With his dandy posies, Jaejoong’s the epitome of casualty in a miniature catastrophe.
This doesn’t go unnoticed by her or anyone as a matter of fact. She just appears to be the only one who doesn’t cower away in fear when his scorned complex comes out to play during the occasional bad days - today’s one of those.
Nana’s not to be blamed but it starts to feel that way when he shoves Yoochun into a junior boy on his way into the canteen.
By the time, he gets to the fruit bar, her so called friends have made a unspoken group decision to desert their seats with their barely touched bowls of fruit salad. She doesn’t get the time to glower when he scooches in so close next to her that their thighs are conveniently pressed tight against one another.
“How is my sexy little sister doing this fine afternoon?”
There’s an edge to his voice and she thinks it’s wise not to be messed with.
Swallowing down her apparent anxiousness, she says dryly, “Good”
Picking up a fork, he asks with a smile sharp as a knife, “Does this mean you’re going to be more cooperative today?”
Naturally, she plays dumb. “To what?”
“You know what.”
Refusal comes easy between them; a lie, even easier. “I don’t.”
“Are you saying that because he’s watching or is this your way of avoiding the subject?” His question is followed with a sigh, usually soft enough to relax her but now, she stiffens. “I know where you live, well where we live,” He chuckles dryly at the failed attempt of a joke, then with more seriousness than he’s possessed in these past minutes, “We can do this now or later - behind closed door, where it’s just you and me.”
True to his words, Yoochun was watching, staring daggers if anything. Jaejoong feeds off it as the devil would with a soul, grinning deviously at the lanky brunette with half his murderous face hiding behind the accounting text book and probably a middle finger under the lunch tray. They lock eyes for a second long enough for her to know Jaejoong has caught on.
“Oh, so you are fond of him too.” He goads with a click of the tongue, toying with her crinkled curl.
Resting her chin on her knuckle with lowered eyes, Nana muses with a mocking edge. “No, I’m not - not in that way anyway and at least…not yet.”
Rolling his eyes a little, Jaejoong takes a cookie from her tray with ease, says, “Never will.”
“What do you mean by that?” She turns, all sharp eyes.
“You think he’s…what’s the word again,” He looks into the distance then clicks his fingers, “Sweet with the whole ‘I’m-in-love-with-you-even-if-we’ve-just-met’ thing, doesn’t really scream that you’re ever going to have real feelings for him anytime soon.” Cruelly he continues his analysis on the nature of her relationship with her fiancée. “He’s whipped - very contradicting to me and since you’re convinced you need a change in your taste of men, You’re charmed, I understand
Slicing the chicken breasts into little pieces, she challenges him. “How are you so sure I won’t develop ‘real’ feelings?”
The look on Jaejoong’s halfway between amused and pitiful. Nana thought she might have put his smartass persona to rest but instead he shoots down her stupid hope with, “Don’t try so hard, sister, I’m still jealous, you have nothing to worry about.”
She has plenty worry about.
-
You don’t really make friends around here; Nana learns this lesson the hard way.
They’re all elitist, brought together by bloodlines, tied together by gold shoe strings and live together in a kingdom ruled by dollar bills. They’re all elitist but they are individuals, painting pictures of luxury and when one fails to draw anything less than Monet, they are left to scurry for a new crowd of supremacy that doesn’t exist within the school’s ground.
Nana’s beautiful enough to lead a generation of princesses. The problem is the kingdom’s locked her out after they learn that she is no angel.
It’s a high school dilemma when the other kids take up all the seats so you’re left to stand for a dazed ten minutes. It’s more than that in the world they live in because if you look close enough, her secret is bare for all to see.
A friend is a foe - they heard it through the vines, it had to begin somewhere with someone and she was friends with everyone.
-
Dinner is served in uncomfortable silence.
Mainly because Nana knows what is coming. Maybe because earlier this afternoon, her mother thrown a vase at his father and missed it by a mere inch. Maybe because there’s not nearly enough alcohol in all their systems.
Maybe.
“Father,” Jaejoong begins with a drawl, “I have an announcement to make.”
Without even looking, the grim looking man nod. “Go ahead.”
He steals a glance at her which she brushes off, hand clenching around her silverware in dreaded anticipation of what is to happen next. “I’m afraid I won’t be marrying Jung Jessica.” He says too easily, sitting down despite the earth shattering sound of the wine glass breaking into little pieces, bleeding purple liquid staining the porcelain tiles. “Now do I still have the honour of staying for the rest of this dinner?”
“You’re not breaking your engagement.” Mister Kim says too calmly.
Jaejoong smirks at her mother’s gaping mouth. “Oh but I am, father.”
“My sincerest apologies to you two ladies, my son and I will take this outside.” Dabbing the corner of his mouth with the napkin, he then throws it onto the table with little care, says with controlled politeness, “Excuse us for the rest of the evening, enjoy your dinner.”
Nana gives up on trying to build up an appetite.
-
“Nice to see that you’re awake and waiting for oppa.”
Nana fumbles for the night light but he stops her, dumping his weight on her bed and pulling the sheets down her legs. She doesn’t need the lights on to see the patches of dried blood on his ripped shirt, bruises all the way to his defined jaw, the cracked corner of his lips - he’s beaten to pulp and it’s not a nice look for a guy always playing the other role.
“How was dinner?” He asks casually, discarding his cufflinks on her bedroom’s floor.
“Jaejoong -“
“What’s the point of being rich if you can’t do whatever you want?” He asks but not really aimed at her, more like an accusation to the universe and lays down on his back, head propped in her lap and legs hanging off the side. “Don’t you agree with oppa, Nana?”
He’s never called her by her name before - there’s always been restriction with the sister and step sister and what not. Nana from his bleeding lips sounds delicate yet melancholic. His thoughts of her would be the same, she thinks. He’s drunk; every puff of his breath is polluted with alcohol. This is the part where Nana tells him to get out but all she really does is comb through his knotted hair with her fingers in hope of soothing his broken spirit for the night.
“Did he do this to you?” She asks in fearful quietness, trembling in the dark. “Your father, was it him?”
“No,” he says, the curve of his smile imprints itself on the inner of her thigh where he presses an innocent kiss, “Money did it.”
Nana never wants to say it aloud, only wants to contain it in the back of her mind but, “You should marry Jessica.”
“Sure,” Jaejoong’s response is sensible but it makes her heart plummet, “I should, I could but I wouldn’t do that to you.”
He covers her hand with his, something like a vow. “I wouldn’t leave you alone."
That’s where he’s wrong, because Jessica could be the woman by his side in pictures with a gleaming diamond on her finger but she won’t ever have him the way she does. His wife would be other woman, not Nana. He’ll lay down his heart and she’ll listen to it beat, there’s a connection that everyone’s missed - Jaejoong confides to her every inch of his tar black soul.
“I wouldn’t be alone,” she tells him the truth, stroking the bruise under his cheek bone, “Like you said, you’re my oppa and I’m your little sister.”
She wouldn’t mind if they become family, Nana decides, all they really had to begin with is one another.
-
Nana wakes the next morning and Jaejoong’s accompanying the single couch from across the room, a shot of espresso in his hand.
She sits up, pushing her hair out of her face and observes his battered form. Her throat so dry it hurts to swallow down the horrified cry she was about to let out at the sight of Jaejoong’s ruined state. He’s unwashed, red tinge at the end of his messy blonde hair and the angry purple spreading across his fore arm jumps out at her under the sunlight.
Jaejoong smile but it looks like it pains him to do so.
“Morning”
She lifts her chin, forcing a smile that he wants to see. “Morning”
-
Yoochun’s the only who dares to sit with her during lunch break.
He brings her little pudding cups like some cheery treat that would make her situation less fortunate. Nana appreciates it, gives him a hint of a smile and eats two spoons of it and leaving the rest untouched.
“I heard Jaejoong is refusing to marry Jung Jessica.”
Nana freezes for a second, then try to relax, says, “Where did you hear that?”
“People”
Silence.
Yoochun’s agitated gaze digs through her impassiveness, with a sigh he returns to his book. “He’s not at school today.”
Simply, she replies with, “He’s sick.”
“Why isn’t he marrying her?”
She looks down at her hands nervously, dreading his reaction but unable to stop herself. “He hasn’t said it so many words but one way or another, it’s about me but you must have expected that.”
“It can’t be helped.” Yoochun sighs again with a grimace. “What really matters is if you’re going to break our engagement too.”
“Wh - why would I do that?” Nana sputters, crumbling up a piece of paper and throwing it at him, hitting his shoulder. “I’m set to marry you and that’s that.”
His gaze softens and she wants nothing more but to apologize for all the false hope she’s been feeding him. “I really want to believe it’s as simple as that.”
But it never is.
-
When she gets back home, Jaejoong’s sitting with crossed ankles on her bed.
“How was school, sister?” He greets without looking away from the six o’clock news.
She releases a small breath of shock then fixed him a mean look for nearly scaring her into a heart attack. “I thought you would have gone back to your hotel room by now.”
“No, you didn’t.” He cocks his head, a shit-eating grin spreads across his face. “If you did, you wouldn’t have rushed home.”
“I didn’t - “
“It’s only 5, you usually get back around…hmm, six thirty.” He says smugly, tapping the face of his watch with his index finger. “Come sit next to oppa.”
Hesitantly, she walks over and plops down on the edge. It’s her bed, not his after all, Nana tries to reason but when his dark eyes land on her, all the justification in the world couldn’t hide the fact that she just wants to be close to him. His stare is an invitation in which Nana can’t refuse; she crawls over to him on all fours.
Touching her cheek, he murmurs only for her ears. “Did you miss oppa?”
This is too much; all too much.
It was the fire in his eyes that melts her anger and devastated her resolve, she wants to be the girl Yoochun thought she was but in front of Jaejoong, she can’t. Nana reaches out, cradling his face in her hand, the touch causing her to let out a soft sound of longing as she smashes her lips into his, plunging her tongue into his mouth with wild desperation, begging for him to take all of her.
He’s tugging her head down, pulling her flushed against his body. His kisses and hurried, frenzied and Nana likes it better like that, she likes to know that he’s burning for her like he is for him. She bites down on his lower lips a little which he awards with a guttural moan, his hands touching all they can reach but settles on the lower of her back, pushing their bodies closer.
They’ve been here before, way too many times but Nana’s never been this forward, never experienced this reckless loss of control. She should pull away, she will but only when her need for him has been satiated because this might be the last time.
But there’s no room for going back when his fingers working its magic on he and Nana is biting down on his shoulder, doing her best to keep down the scream of pleasure.
“Call me…” she tries to say but stop for a much needed breath, “Call me Nana, I - I want you to call me Nana.”
“You know, Nana,” he whispers seductively, his voice like dripping honey, “I’m never going anywhere, so don’t bother running away after this.”
And god, how she hopes he means it.
-
They skip school and lie in bed, watching TV.
Jaejoong’s smoking as usual, his arm loosely around Nana’s shoulder as she flips through channels of cheesy night time dramas and variety shows. She chucks the remote on the night table when a sitcom turns up, snuggling into his arm and together they chuckle over a lame joke only seven years old would find hilarious.
Nana wants to wake up to this every day.
-
Mother asks her about Yoochun during the flower arranging class, watching Nana pluck a lily out of the bouquet she’s made.
“We’re fine,” is what Nana tell hers and it’s not necessary a lie, “He’s nice to me.”
“Very good,” Her mother says with a satisfied look, sliding over to her a crisp white envelope, “Your engagement party is set six days from now on, I’ve already sent out the invitations today.”
Nana picks it up stoically, ripping the flap open and pulling out the cream colored card, fingers gliding over the luxurious golden lining. Tasteful italics are neatly printed, Park Yoochun and Im Nana in bold for all to impress upon the guest what a glamorous social event they’ve been invited to.
“I left plenty for you in the living room; you can invite whoever you want!”
And Nana says all she could say, “That’s great.”
-
She tried.
Even used the key card and snuck into his suite, going through the whole stack of newsletter only to discover that it’s no longer there. Nana concludes that either it has yet to arrive at his door or he’s already seen it. The latter assumption frightens her into further delving of every inch of his room and still, nothing.
She’s close to giving up by the time the door cracks open and he steps through with a hand stuffed in his pocket and blazer thrown over back.
She tried, she really did.
He gives her a knowing look, a contradiction to her surprised one, dropping his school bag on the floor and walks over to her, her mouth opens with prepared speeches but he silences her, thumbing her lip.
Jaejoong leans down until they are at eye levels, says, “I like surprises but only when you’re naked and not trying to steal my wedding invitation.”
Gulping, she confirms, “So, you already saw it.”
He nods softly. “You’ll have to help me do up my tie.”
He’s not mad, not even the tiniest bit and somehow that makes her sadder that she already was.
-
Yoochun turns up at the boutique, of course he does.
“You look beautiful.” He tells her, except Nana fails to feel any intended romance in that compliment.
“Thanks” The corner of her mouth lifts just a little but not on its own accord. “What are you doing here?”
Looking a little embarrassed of the situation, he clears his throat and says, “I was just a couple of blocks away from here, picking up my suit for Friday and since it’s your mom’s boutique, I had a hunch you might be getting a dress from here for the engagement party.”
Nana turns a little, checking the hem of her dress, unsure if she hates the length or not. “Mother will find it insulting if I don’t wear something of hers.”
She can see his stare from the reflection, so full of light and happiness. “You really do look great in that dress.”
“Do I?” Nana asks, pulling her hair up into a pony tail to test out suitable hairstyles for the big night.
“You think I should get it?”
He gives her a reassuring smile. “Yeah, you look like an angel.”
(Except she’s not)
-
Three days before her engagement party, he bails on his pending one.
All hells break loose in the Kim’s mansion and Jaejoong makes a point to go into hiding so he wouldn’t have to witness the tragedy of Jung Jessica crying on their bathroom floor, wiping her
mascaraed eyes with their hand towel.
Nana walks away from the door because she never saw what she did in the first place, it should be that way.
-
He picks up after half a ring, but sounds annoyed. "I’m proud of you sister, trying to do the right thing for all of us but I’m not getting married and whatever you do, it won’t change my mind -“
“Don’t call me sister.” Her eyes flutter close and she holds the phone closer to her ear. “I’m still going through with my engagement, Jaejoong.”
“I know.” He says softly. “I won’t stop you.”
“But -“
“Oppa’s still going to be here.”
Jaejoong’s a man of words - not always necessary true but she doesn’t doubt him, not this time.
-
They’ll live under the same roof but it won’t be the same.
Nana’s a creature of despondent, lives in dull silence and smear lipsticks on bed sheets like a trademark of her love for him. She’s a trained liar; doesn’t matter if it’s on the spot or well calculated, she can tell them fake tales without blinking. There’s a coldness that’s born and raised inside her body, an infectious poison that runs in her blue blood.
A girl’s a flower and when no one’s there to see, she’s writhing a little more than the day before. Nana anticipates the future she’s fated to live, sells her happiness to dollar bankers and hopes youth last long enough for her to love the only beauty she owns: a boy in a man who can only belong within her bedroom walls.
-
Yoochun says, “I think it could have been really different, between us.”
The rehearsal is long and drawn out, their mothers fuss over the catering while his dad busies himself with cigar smoking at the lobby’s bar, probably trying to get through the day without bursting a blood vessel. Nana sits at a round table towards the back, taking in the overview of the room - velvet red wallpaper contrasting with forest green on the roof, chandeliers hanging from it like frozen raindrops. They really went all out this time, she thinks, it’s rumoured to be the social event of the year according to Sportseoul and they’re never wrong about these things.
“What do you mean?” Nana asks in boredom, freshly manicured fingers toying with the rim of an empty wine glass.
“Hmm…” He hums, stretching his legs and brushing against her calf, “I would have liked to have met you before Jaejoong did.”
With his statement, he peeks her interest enough to make her look at him. “Why is that?”
“I think,” he begins with a smile she cannot decipher, his pinkie grasping onto hers, “I think there’s a chance you might have fallen in love with me.”
She averts her gaze, patting his hand. “Well, here we are anyway.”
“Yeah,” he agrees, “Here we are, Nana.”
She has nothing to say, having run out of platitudes long before. The distance between the two of them is a lie linking him to her and she doesn’t dare to put it into words, not wanting to do any more damage to their relationship, if you can even call it that.
"I just have to know one thing," Yoochun starts cautiously. "It won’t change anything, I just want to know."
It’s the least she can give him so she lets the silence do the talking.
“He’s never gonna go away, is he?” He asks, hopeful for a different outcome. “You two are always going to be a part of each other life,” pause, “Aren’t you?”
Again, she lets her silence speaks for itself.
-
Jaejoong’s good at playing roles - there’s the mean boy that rules the school with iron fist, the charmer with all the smooth moves to draw hearts in ladies’ eyes, the rebelling heir who cares for nothing but himself and himself only. The real Kim Jaejoong live in a mix of all that and tonight, he’s especially invented a new identity for the occasion.
The welcoming speech comes from the groom’s father because her own will never show for sure, some sappy expression of gratitude towards the guests who in turn is more than happy to be there, appreciative of the opportunity given even. Jaejoong’s made his arrival known, leaning against the door way with a never empty glass of scotch, winking at her whenever she has the guts to look for him. The time for horrible jokes come, mother does her best and gains enough laughter to surpass the awkwardness. Nana hears his low chuckle from a distance, she’s so used to it now that she can’t help but laugh too.
She doesn’t know what’s more daunting; that this is really happening or the fact that Jaejoong’s behaving himself. He doesn’t leave her - stays in the same spot, not too close but never too far.
Yoochun holds her hand the whole entire time and Jaejoong too, with her tell-all gaze.
-
She gets cornered in the girl’s bathroom, not something new. Jung Jessica makes an appearance when she’s uninvited, not something new either.
“Why is it,” Jessica begins with some evil queen glare, walking circles around her in an intimidation game, “That I think that I think the bride to be is in love with her own step brother?”
Nana walks off to the sink, back to her and turn on the tap, soaking her hand in the warm water,
“Paranoia, maybe.”
Scoffing, she says, “You guys are awfully close for step siblings whose parents only got engaged four months ago.”
“How long have you known Jaejoong then?” Nana retorts coldly, scrunching up the damp hand towels and discarding it in the nearby bin, “I found it a bit weird that he never mentioned you before, funny isn’t it? You were fiancée and I only knew you as Jung Krystal’s older sister.”
This seems to have hit a spot but Jessica holds in her anger, like a ticking time bomb ready to explode.
“I was surprised when I found out about you.” She continues, swivelling around to watch Jessica’s contorting face. “I was never close with Krystal but you would have thought that if Kim Jaejoong, the big shot bully at the school, had a fiancée, no one would shut up about it.”
Nana’s words seemed to have cut deep within the blonde’s ego. There’s no mercy she could show her when they live in a dog eat dog world. A word of comfort should be offered at least but Nana can’t bring herself to do it when she’s this sour over her own helplessness.
“If you’re trying to get a husband, it’s not me who you should be talking to, it’s Jaejoong.”
Jessica crosses her arms and squares her shoulder, staring Nana down even though they both know it’s useless. “His dad is going make this marriage happen no matter what for business purpose, even you must know that.”
So she does.
Nodding in silent defeat, Nana begins to make her way out of their share space, only to be stopped dead in her track with a hand wrapped tight around her wrist. “You can’t be with him either way, your parents are going to get become husband and wife. You two, will officially be siblings then.”
“I can’t be with him?” Nana repeats slowly, pushing Jessica’s away with the only smile she’ll ever give her. “When my mother says ‘yes’ at the altar, Jaejoong and I, will have no choice but always be together.”
“Exactly,” Jessica nods, taking a step forward and inches closer, “So why let a couple of arranged marriages, get in the way of your incestuous relationship, right?”
Shaking her head, Nana pushes the blonde’s tight grasp on her arm in disgust. “Whatever sick, twisted plan you’ve got in store isn’t going to work.”
“It’s not a plan,” she counters quickly, looking too honest for her own good, “I want out of this whole arranged marriage business, I can only take so much humiliation.” Looking down on the polished floor, she murmurs her vulnerability, “I have my limits too.”
“I don’t know…” her thoughts are a cluster of confusion, her words aren’t sticking together right,
“What are you trying to say, Jessica?”
“You don’t have to marry Yoochun if you don’t want to.”
“I have to -“
“You’ll only make him miserable.”
“You don’t know that.”
“But I do.” She says with so much confidence Nana buys into it more than she already does. “You love Jaejoong. If you’re going to lie about it, try and be a little less obvious.”
-
The couple dance is a tradition and they’re all about traditions.
He’s still looming in the exit, sticking it out until the very end. A champagne flute in his hand, raising
it up in a silent toast to her and Yoochun as they sway through the motion with her head on his shoulder and her mind elsewhere.
“You’re staring, Nana.” Yoochun whispers and Nana knows she’s been caught.
“Even if I’ve met you first, ten days before or even a year,” she says croakily, closing her eyes, “I would still have fallen for Jaejoong, it’s meant to be that way.”
His arm around her waist loosens and he pulls back just enough to get a glimpse of her raw gaze, the message behind her admittance breaking the barrier between hope and delusion.
Nana can only hope it doesn’t shatter him completely.
“You’re not going to marry me.” He surmises accurately, his eyes shows hurt but also, forgiveness.
“No, I’m not.” She mumbles her final answer into his chest, holding him close and intertwining their fingers. “Just stay like this until this song’s finished.”
It’s the first time they dance together and the last.
-
He’s not drunk yet but he’s nearly there by the time she finds her way out of the celebration.
“Just who I was looking for, my only sister, also my favorite sister!” Jaejoong says in intoxicated joy, stumbling into her with a wide grin that’s far from genuine, “I think congratulatory kisses are in order.”
She shoves him on the chest, hard enough to shake him out of his debauched state. “Stop being so loud or someone’s going to come out and find us!”
“Alright, don’t give your oppa a big kiss then.” He laughs incredulously, staggering back until his back hits the trunk of the Oakwood tree hovering over them like a veil. “But I tell you, you’re going to regret it later on, better do it now when you have the chance -“
“I’m not going to marry him.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Nana doesn’t expect him too. She’s wasted so much time recoiling from joining him in a stand of bravery - saying no to lifelong misery. He gazes at him with bleary, onyx orbs, his doubt begging to be cleared away and so she’s crossing over to his side, willing to stay there as long as he wants her to.
She stays where she is for a long, moment of building tension, her stare commanding and cheeks burning under his hot breath. “Give me a cigarette.”
Jaejoong just looks at her coolly, never breaking their eye contact as he pulls one out of his pocket.
Nana’s hands are shaking when she takes it. “If I can throw this up and catch it with my mouth, would you do whatever I ask?”
He nods and that’s a promise.
Taking a few steps back, she keeps her eyes on him, watching him little by little when she stops with a last click of the heels. Her breath hitches, sweat has broken out on her forehead and how can her heart not hammer when he’s looking at her like he’s never going to get over her for as long as they live.
Holding the weightless toxic wrapped in cheap paper in her two fingers, Nana throws it up at a height high enough to not lose sight on it. She doesn’t breathe nor blink, only part her dry lips and concentrates on the cigarette, now dropping down closer and closer by the second.
She bites down hard, barely able to keep it in her mouth.
Jaejoong’s there, in front of her before she even realizes it, a light flickering between them as he lights it. Gently, she inhales and exhales, smoke clouds masking his face.
He smiles down at her, removing the cigarette from her lips and placing it in between his and bows his head so the light dancing in his eyes can be left to her interpretation - the excitement to hear her request, he did always like a good, old dare.
Stroking a line from her temple to her jaw, he asks the question they’ve been both waiting for, “So what is it that you want, Nana?”
“Go away with me.”
He can’t say no but they both know he doesn’t want to.
-
A scandal, they become - at least that’s what the tabloids call it.
Rich, shameless, siblings, notorious, young, pretty are words that tire as the headlines of a piece that contains Kim Jaejoong and Im Nana, there’s never ‘or’ because it’s almost more of a uproar to see one without the other.
The summer issues of gossip columns has been riddened with recycled details on the soon-to-be-siblings’ private getaway to Hong Kong. No comments are offered by both parties’ parents who are soon to wed, ex fiancées, assumed friends and distance acquaintances seemingly had no useful information to share.
“What’s so funny?”
Her head snapped up, revealing to him a beam as she waves a flimsy copy of Newsen in his face. “Faux-cest, that’s what they call us.”
He skims over it for what seems to last only a second before a snicker welcomes itself onto his lips,
“And to think we try to keep it clean for the cameras.”
“Did you get me the hot chocolate?” Nana asks, rolling her eyes at his previous remark.
“Yup,” Jaejoong says with a mischievous edge with one hand of what she’s sure is holding her beverage, behind his back, “Oppa will only trade you for a kiss.”
She smirks, gripping the front of his shirt in her two hands and whispers hotly, “Sounds fair to me.”
NO ANGEL, beyonce
underneath the pretty face is something complicated
I come with a side of trouble,
but I know that's why you're staying
THE WAY WE TOUCH, we are twinif you would be my best friend, then I would build a home
where both of us can live alone
POISON AND WINE, the civil wars
I don't love you,
but I always will
BABY I MISS YOU, 2ne1
you're a bad boy
fine, play that game boy, I can handle it
TV IN BLACK & WHITE, lana del rey
when I'm around you, suddenly I realize
that I was blind before I saw the world through your eyes
~ 6095w, m, (nana/jaejoong) - heirs AU, faux cest (think rachel/young do) I part i part ii.
“I like surprises but only when you’re naked and not trying to steal my wedding invitation.”
■ dedicating this to all jaenana shippers, esp. my dear writer friends harues and uljima
■ mini soundtrack thingy at the end of post
Jaejoong does what he does best - be a total, complete ass.
“Take me back, Jaejoong.”
And that’s not a request.
“Why would you want to go back to school?” He takes a sip of his black coffee and grins up at her.
“You hate it there, you always ditched with me.”
Nana scoffs, rolling her eyes at his implication. “When are you going to stop living in the past, Jaejoong?”
“When you stop living in the future.” He retorts hotly in contradiction to his usual ice prince demeanour.
The last thing Nana wants to do is cry at some empty café in the roughest area of Seoul (god knows if the napkins are even clean) but it’s getting hard not when his eyes are so fogged up with rage, a toxic carbon pool of blacks. It’s Jaejoong at his scariest and that says a lot.
Desperately, “Why are you doing this to me?”
His darkened eyes snaps to hers, says crisply, “Do we all have to have a reason for doing something selfish?”
“Jae -“
“I am selfish, I’ve always been selfish since the day I was born,” he says quickly, cutting her off and holding her gaze as the air she’s not breathing in hums with anticipation, “Selfish as I am, I was never happy, I’m selfish because I can, I never needed a reason to back it up.”
Nana wants to look away now, she can’t stand to the sight of him when he’s being faithful to himself. It makes her nervous and she doesn’t doubt for a second that, that is his goal to begin with.
“This time, I went through the trouble and found myself a reason,” He ignores her apparent discomfort and continues anyway. “I’m not marrying anyone and my reason? It will make me unhappy.”
“Have fun telling that to your father over tomorrow’s dinner.”
“Does it make you so unhappy that I’m cancelling my engagement because of you?” He tells it to her like it’s almost a joke, reaching across the small table to stroke her cheek. “I’d think most girls would have a better reaction than this.”
Her nostril flares at the casual nature of his muddied confession. “If you think because you are walking away, I’m doing the same - you’re wrong.”
“Sister, just because I’ve been more than lenient with you, I think it’s made you too comfortable for your own.” He frowns and snatches his hand away from her cheek, biting back an angry growl. “I always do what I please, you never know what I’m going to do with that fiancé of yours.”
Her jaw tightens, her fists closing in on her plaited skirt. “No one can stop it, Jaejoong, not even you.”
“You sure, sister?” He breaks in, kicking back his chair as he rises to his feet, a hot rush of hatred consuming him. “If I were you, I wouldn’t challenge me so much.” She flinches at his hot, biting words against her ear, “I can only restrain myself for so long, even when it comes to you.”
Nana tries to hold back the cry welling in her throat, she does. She bites her tongue and focuses on the traffic jammed road from a close distance, sternly reminding herself to keep it together, at least until he departs her because he always does.
(She does shed tears when he kicks off in his bike, unsure if it’s sadness or anger that consumes her emotional turmoil. All she knows is it’s unfair of Jaejoong to make her love even the foulest parts of him.)
-
When she finally finds success in crawling out of bed, it’s one in the morning and she’s shivering from the iciness of a mid-winter night when her toes touch the floor board.
At ten past one, she glances over at the phone next to her vanity.
Unsurprisingly, Yoochun name’s flashing across the screen like it’s been since half past four.
Unsurprisingly, Jaejoong’s never did.
Surprisingly, the solace she’s been awaiting does not come.
-
It’s the cliché: “Whatever twisted relationship, you and Jaejoong have going on - it needs to stop.”
Nana didn’t know what to expect on her Monday morning back to battle the ruthless society, but certainly, she did expect this at some point in time. Just not now; at the school’s gate with her uneven skirt and crooked collar with the wind blowing her curls askew under scrutinizing eyes of head bands wearing girls and polo hoarding boys.
Obviously, Jessica has other ideas in mind.
She thinks it’s going to come back and bite her in the ass by lunch time but she does it anyway - walks forward with her nose high up in the sky (a pose of pure snobbery her mother has educated her with at the age of seven) and brushes pass; Burberry backpack colliding with Hermes tote.
Maybe she’s scared, as of late, it’s nothing new.
-
With his dandy posies, Jaejoong’s the epitome of casualty in a miniature catastrophe.
This doesn’t go unnoticed by her or anyone as a matter of fact. She just appears to be the only one who doesn’t cower away in fear when his scorned complex comes out to play during the occasional bad days - today’s one of those.
Nana’s not to be blamed but it starts to feel that way when he shoves Yoochun into a junior boy on his way into the canteen.
By the time, he gets to the fruit bar, her so called friends have made a unspoken group decision to desert their seats with their barely touched bowls of fruit salad. She doesn’t get the time to glower when he scooches in so close next to her that their thighs are conveniently pressed tight against one another.
“How is my sexy little sister doing this fine afternoon?”
There’s an edge to his voice and she thinks it’s wise not to be messed with.
Swallowing down her apparent anxiousness, she says dryly, “Good”
Picking up a fork, he asks with a smile sharp as a knife, “Does this mean you’re going to be more cooperative today?”
Naturally, she plays dumb. “To what?”
“You know what.”
Refusal comes easy between them; a lie, even easier. “I don’t.”
“Are you saying that because he’s watching or is this your way of avoiding the subject?” His question is followed with a sigh, usually soft enough to relax her but now, she stiffens. “I know where you live, well where we live,” He chuckles dryly at the failed attempt of a joke, then with more seriousness than he’s possessed in these past minutes, “We can do this now or later - behind closed door, where it’s just you and me.”
True to his words, Yoochun was watching, staring daggers if anything. Jaejoong feeds off it as the devil would with a soul, grinning deviously at the lanky brunette with half his murderous face hiding behind the accounting text book and probably a middle finger under the lunch tray. They lock eyes for a second long enough for her to know Jaejoong has caught on.
“Oh, so you are fond of him too.” He goads with a click of the tongue, toying with her crinkled curl.
Resting her chin on her knuckle with lowered eyes, Nana muses with a mocking edge. “No, I’m not - not in that way anyway and at least…not yet.”
Rolling his eyes a little, Jaejoong takes a cookie from her tray with ease, says, “Never will.”
“What do you mean by that?” She turns, all sharp eyes.
“You think he’s…what’s the word again,” He looks into the distance then clicks his fingers, “Sweet with the whole ‘I’m-in-love-with-you-even-if-we’ve-just-met’ thing, doesn’t really scream that you’re ever going to have real feelings for him anytime soon.” Cruelly he continues his analysis on the nature of her relationship with her fiancée. “He’s whipped - very contradicting to me and since you’re convinced you need a change in your taste of men, You’re charmed, I understand
Slicing the chicken breasts into little pieces, she challenges him. “How are you so sure I won’t develop ‘real’ feelings?”
The look on Jaejoong’s halfway between amused and pitiful. Nana thought she might have put his smartass persona to rest but instead he shoots down her stupid hope with, “Don’t try so hard, sister, I’m still jealous, you have nothing to worry about.”
She has plenty worry about.
-
You don’t really make friends around here; Nana learns this lesson the hard way.
They’re all elitist, brought together by bloodlines, tied together by gold shoe strings and live together in a kingdom ruled by dollar bills. They’re all elitist but they are individuals, painting pictures of luxury and when one fails to draw anything less than Monet, they are left to scurry for a new crowd of supremacy that doesn’t exist within the school’s ground.
Nana’s beautiful enough to lead a generation of princesses. The problem is the kingdom’s locked her out after they learn that she is no angel.
It’s a high school dilemma when the other kids take up all the seats so you’re left to stand for a dazed ten minutes. It’s more than that in the world they live in because if you look close enough, her secret is bare for all to see.
A friend is a foe - they heard it through the vines, it had to begin somewhere with someone and she was friends with everyone.
-
Dinner is served in uncomfortable silence.
Mainly because Nana knows what is coming. Maybe because earlier this afternoon, her mother thrown a vase at his father and missed it by a mere inch. Maybe because there’s not nearly enough alcohol in all their systems.
Maybe.
“Father,” Jaejoong begins with a drawl, “I have an announcement to make.”
Without even looking, the grim looking man nod. “Go ahead.”
He steals a glance at her which she brushes off, hand clenching around her silverware in dreaded anticipation of what is to happen next. “I’m afraid I won’t be marrying Jung Jessica.” He says too easily, sitting down despite the earth shattering sound of the wine glass breaking into little pieces, bleeding purple liquid staining the porcelain tiles. “Now do I still have the honour of staying for the rest of this dinner?”
“You’re not breaking your engagement.” Mister Kim says too calmly.
Jaejoong smirks at her mother’s gaping mouth. “Oh but I am, father.”
“My sincerest apologies to you two ladies, my son and I will take this outside.” Dabbing the corner of his mouth with the napkin, he then throws it onto the table with little care, says with controlled politeness, “Excuse us for the rest of the evening, enjoy your dinner.”
Nana gives up on trying to build up an appetite.
-
“Nice to see that you’re awake and waiting for oppa.”
Nana fumbles for the night light but he stops her, dumping his weight on her bed and pulling the sheets down her legs. She doesn’t need the lights on to see the patches of dried blood on his ripped shirt, bruises all the way to his defined jaw, the cracked corner of his lips - he’s beaten to pulp and it’s not a nice look for a guy always playing the other role.
“How was dinner?” He asks casually, discarding his cufflinks on her bedroom’s floor.
“Jaejoong -“
“What’s the point of being rich if you can’t do whatever you want?” He asks but not really aimed at her, more like an accusation to the universe and lays down on his back, head propped in her lap and legs hanging off the side. “Don’t you agree with oppa, Nana?”
He’s never called her by her name before - there’s always been restriction with the sister and step sister and what not. Nana from his bleeding lips sounds delicate yet melancholic. His thoughts of her would be the same, she thinks. He’s drunk; every puff of his breath is polluted with alcohol. This is the part where Nana tells him to get out but all she really does is comb through his knotted hair with her fingers in hope of soothing his broken spirit for the night.
“Did he do this to you?” She asks in fearful quietness, trembling in the dark. “Your father, was it him?”
“No,” he says, the curve of his smile imprints itself on the inner of her thigh where he presses an innocent kiss, “Money did it.”
Nana never wants to say it aloud, only wants to contain it in the back of her mind but, “You should marry Jessica.”
“Sure,” Jaejoong’s response is sensible but it makes her heart plummet, “I should, I could but I wouldn’t do that to you.”
He covers her hand with his, something like a vow. “I wouldn’t leave you alone."
That’s where he’s wrong, because Jessica could be the woman by his side in pictures with a gleaming diamond on her finger but she won’t ever have him the way she does. His wife would be other woman, not Nana. He’ll lay down his heart and she’ll listen to it beat, there’s a connection that everyone’s missed - Jaejoong confides to her every inch of his tar black soul.
“I wouldn’t be alone,” she tells him the truth, stroking the bruise under his cheek bone, “Like you said, you’re my oppa and I’m your little sister.”
She wouldn’t mind if they become family, Nana decides, all they really had to begin with is one another.
-
Nana wakes the next morning and Jaejoong’s accompanying the single couch from across the room, a shot of espresso in his hand.
She sits up, pushing her hair out of her face and observes his battered form. Her throat so dry it hurts to swallow down the horrified cry she was about to let out at the sight of Jaejoong’s ruined state. He’s unwashed, red tinge at the end of his messy blonde hair and the angry purple spreading across his fore arm jumps out at her under the sunlight.
Jaejoong smile but it looks like it pains him to do so.
“Morning”
She lifts her chin, forcing a smile that he wants to see. “Morning”
-
Yoochun’s the only who dares to sit with her during lunch break.
He brings her little pudding cups like some cheery treat that would make her situation less fortunate. Nana appreciates it, gives him a hint of a smile and eats two spoons of it and leaving the rest untouched.
“I heard Jaejoong is refusing to marry Jung Jessica.”
Nana freezes for a second, then try to relax, says, “Where did you hear that?”
“People”
Silence.
Yoochun’s agitated gaze digs through her impassiveness, with a sigh he returns to his book. “He’s not at school today.”
Simply, she replies with, “He’s sick.”
“Why isn’t he marrying her?”
She looks down at her hands nervously, dreading his reaction but unable to stop herself. “He hasn’t said it so many words but one way or another, it’s about me but you must have expected that.”
“It can’t be helped.” Yoochun sighs again with a grimace. “What really matters is if you’re going to break our engagement too.”
“Wh - why would I do that?” Nana sputters, crumbling up a piece of paper and throwing it at him, hitting his shoulder. “I’m set to marry you and that’s that.”
His gaze softens and she wants nothing more but to apologize for all the false hope she’s been feeding him. “I really want to believe it’s as simple as that.”
But it never is.
-
When she gets back home, Jaejoong’s sitting with crossed ankles on her bed.
“How was school, sister?” He greets without looking away from the six o’clock news.
She releases a small breath of shock then fixed him a mean look for nearly scaring her into a heart attack. “I thought you would have gone back to your hotel room by now.”
“No, you didn’t.” He cocks his head, a shit-eating grin spreads across his face. “If you did, you wouldn’t have rushed home.”
“I didn’t - “
“It’s only 5, you usually get back around…hmm, six thirty.” He says smugly, tapping the face of his watch with his index finger. “Come sit next to oppa.”
Hesitantly, she walks over and plops down on the edge. It’s her bed, not his after all, Nana tries to reason but when his dark eyes land on her, all the justification in the world couldn’t hide the fact that she just wants to be close to him. His stare is an invitation in which Nana can’t refuse; she crawls over to him on all fours.
Touching her cheek, he murmurs only for her ears. “Did you miss oppa?”
This is too much; all too much.
It was the fire in his eyes that melts her anger and devastated her resolve, she wants to be the girl Yoochun thought she was but in front of Jaejoong, she can’t. Nana reaches out, cradling his face in her hand, the touch causing her to let out a soft sound of longing as she smashes her lips into his, plunging her tongue into his mouth with wild desperation, begging for him to take all of her.
He’s tugging her head down, pulling her flushed against his body. His kisses and hurried, frenzied and Nana likes it better like that, she likes to know that he’s burning for her like he is for him. She bites down on his lower lips a little which he awards with a guttural moan, his hands touching all they can reach but settles on the lower of her back, pushing their bodies closer.
They’ve been here before, way too many times but Nana’s never been this forward, never experienced this reckless loss of control. She should pull away, she will but only when her need for him has been satiated because this might be the last time.
But there’s no room for going back when his fingers working its magic on he and Nana is biting down on his shoulder, doing her best to keep down the scream of pleasure.
“Call me…” she tries to say but stop for a much needed breath, “Call me Nana, I - I want you to call me Nana.”
“You know, Nana,” he whispers seductively, his voice like dripping honey, “I’m never going anywhere, so don’t bother running away after this.”
And god, how she hopes he means it.
-
They skip school and lie in bed, watching TV.
Jaejoong’s smoking as usual, his arm loosely around Nana’s shoulder as she flips through channels of cheesy night time dramas and variety shows. She chucks the remote on the night table when a sitcom turns up, snuggling into his arm and together they chuckle over a lame joke only seven years old would find hilarious.
Nana wants to wake up to this every day.
-
Mother asks her about Yoochun during the flower arranging class, watching Nana pluck a lily out of the bouquet she’s made.
“We’re fine,” is what Nana tell hers and it’s not necessary a lie, “He’s nice to me.”
“Very good,” Her mother says with a satisfied look, sliding over to her a crisp white envelope, “Your engagement party is set six days from now on, I’ve already sent out the invitations today.”
Nana picks it up stoically, ripping the flap open and pulling out the cream colored card, fingers gliding over the luxurious golden lining. Tasteful italics are neatly printed, Park Yoochun and Im Nana in bold for all to impress upon the guest what a glamorous social event they’ve been invited to.
“I left plenty for you in the living room; you can invite whoever you want!”
And Nana says all she could say, “That’s great.”
-
She tried.
Even used the key card and snuck into his suite, going through the whole stack of newsletter only to discover that it’s no longer there. Nana concludes that either it has yet to arrive at his door or he’s already seen it. The latter assumption frightens her into further delving of every inch of his room and still, nothing.
She’s close to giving up by the time the door cracks open and he steps through with a hand stuffed in his pocket and blazer thrown over back.
She tried, she really did.
He gives her a knowing look, a contradiction to her surprised one, dropping his school bag on the floor and walks over to her, her mouth opens with prepared speeches but he silences her, thumbing her lip.
Jaejoong leans down until they are at eye levels, says, “I like surprises but only when you’re naked and not trying to steal my wedding invitation.”
Gulping, she confirms, “So, you already saw it.”
He nods softly. “You’ll have to help me do up my tie.”
He’s not mad, not even the tiniest bit and somehow that makes her sadder that she already was.
-
Yoochun turns up at the boutique, of course he does.
“You look beautiful.” He tells her, except Nana fails to feel any intended romance in that compliment.
“Thanks” The corner of her mouth lifts just a little but not on its own accord. “What are you doing here?”
Looking a little embarrassed of the situation, he clears his throat and says, “I was just a couple of blocks away from here, picking up my suit for Friday and since it’s your mom’s boutique, I had a hunch you might be getting a dress from here for the engagement party.”
Nana turns a little, checking the hem of her dress, unsure if she hates the length or not. “Mother will find it insulting if I don’t wear something of hers.”
She can see his stare from the reflection, so full of light and happiness. “You really do look great in that dress.”
“Do I?” Nana asks, pulling her hair up into a pony tail to test out suitable hairstyles for the big night.
“You think I should get it?”
He gives her a reassuring smile. “Yeah, you look like an angel.”
(Except she’s not)
-
Three days before her engagement party, he bails on his pending one.
All hells break loose in the Kim’s mansion and Jaejoong makes a point to go into hiding so he wouldn’t have to witness the tragedy of Jung Jessica crying on their bathroom floor, wiping her
mascaraed eyes with their hand towel.
Nana walks away from the door because she never saw what she did in the first place, it should be that way.
-
He picks up after half a ring, but sounds annoyed. "I’m proud of you sister, trying to do the right thing for all of us but I’m not getting married and whatever you do, it won’t change my mind -“
“Don’t call me sister.” Her eyes flutter close and she holds the phone closer to her ear. “I’m still going through with my engagement, Jaejoong.”
“I know.” He says softly. “I won’t stop you.”
“But -“
“Oppa’s still going to be here.”
Jaejoong’s a man of words - not always necessary true but she doesn’t doubt him, not this time.
-
They’ll live under the same roof but it won’t be the same.
Nana’s a creature of despondent, lives in dull silence and smear lipsticks on bed sheets like a trademark of her love for him. She’s a trained liar; doesn’t matter if it’s on the spot or well calculated, she can tell them fake tales without blinking. There’s a coldness that’s born and raised inside her body, an infectious poison that runs in her blue blood.
A girl’s a flower and when no one’s there to see, she’s writhing a little more than the day before. Nana anticipates the future she’s fated to live, sells her happiness to dollar bankers and hopes youth last long enough for her to love the only beauty she owns: a boy in a man who can only belong within her bedroom walls.
-
Yoochun says, “I think it could have been really different, between us.”
The rehearsal is long and drawn out, their mothers fuss over the catering while his dad busies himself with cigar smoking at the lobby’s bar, probably trying to get through the day without bursting a blood vessel. Nana sits at a round table towards the back, taking in the overview of the room - velvet red wallpaper contrasting with forest green on the roof, chandeliers hanging from it like frozen raindrops. They really went all out this time, she thinks, it’s rumoured to be the social event of the year according to Sportseoul and they’re never wrong about these things.
“What do you mean?” Nana asks in boredom, freshly manicured fingers toying with the rim of an empty wine glass.
“Hmm…” He hums, stretching his legs and brushing against her calf, “I would have liked to have met you before Jaejoong did.”
With his statement, he peeks her interest enough to make her look at him. “Why is that?”
“I think,” he begins with a smile she cannot decipher, his pinkie grasping onto hers, “I think there’s a chance you might have fallen in love with me.”
She averts her gaze, patting his hand. “Well, here we are anyway.”
“Yeah,” he agrees, “Here we are, Nana.”
She has nothing to say, having run out of platitudes long before. The distance between the two of them is a lie linking him to her and she doesn’t dare to put it into words, not wanting to do any more damage to their relationship, if you can even call it that.
"I just have to know one thing," Yoochun starts cautiously. "It won’t change anything, I just want to know."
It’s the least she can give him so she lets the silence do the talking.
“He’s never gonna go away, is he?” He asks, hopeful for a different outcome. “You two are always going to be a part of each other life,” pause, “Aren’t you?”
Again, she lets her silence speaks for itself.
-
Jaejoong’s good at playing roles - there’s the mean boy that rules the school with iron fist, the charmer with all the smooth moves to draw hearts in ladies’ eyes, the rebelling heir who cares for nothing but himself and himself only. The real Kim Jaejoong live in a mix of all that and tonight, he’s especially invented a new identity for the occasion.
The welcoming speech comes from the groom’s father because her own will never show for sure, some sappy expression of gratitude towards the guests who in turn is more than happy to be there, appreciative of the opportunity given even. Jaejoong’s made his arrival known, leaning against the door way with a never empty glass of scotch, winking at her whenever she has the guts to look for him. The time for horrible jokes come, mother does her best and gains enough laughter to surpass the awkwardness. Nana hears his low chuckle from a distance, she’s so used to it now that she can’t help but laugh too.
She doesn’t know what’s more daunting; that this is really happening or the fact that Jaejoong’s behaving himself. He doesn’t leave her - stays in the same spot, not too close but never too far.
Yoochun holds her hand the whole entire time and Jaejoong too, with her tell-all gaze.
-
She gets cornered in the girl’s bathroom, not something new. Jung Jessica makes an appearance when she’s uninvited, not something new either.
“Why is it,” Jessica begins with some evil queen glare, walking circles around her in an intimidation game, “That I think that I think the bride to be is in love with her own step brother?”
Nana walks off to the sink, back to her and turn on the tap, soaking her hand in the warm water,
“Paranoia, maybe.”
Scoffing, she says, “You guys are awfully close for step siblings whose parents only got engaged four months ago.”
“How long have you known Jaejoong then?” Nana retorts coldly, scrunching up the damp hand towels and discarding it in the nearby bin, “I found it a bit weird that he never mentioned you before, funny isn’t it? You were fiancée and I only knew you as Jung Krystal’s older sister.”
This seems to have hit a spot but Jessica holds in her anger, like a ticking time bomb ready to explode.
“I was surprised when I found out about you.” She continues, swivelling around to watch Jessica’s contorting face. “I was never close with Krystal but you would have thought that if Kim Jaejoong, the big shot bully at the school, had a fiancée, no one would shut up about it.”
Nana’s words seemed to have cut deep within the blonde’s ego. There’s no mercy she could show her when they live in a dog eat dog world. A word of comfort should be offered at least but Nana can’t bring herself to do it when she’s this sour over her own helplessness.
“If you’re trying to get a husband, it’s not me who you should be talking to, it’s Jaejoong.”
Jessica crosses her arms and squares her shoulder, staring Nana down even though they both know it’s useless. “His dad is going make this marriage happen no matter what for business purpose, even you must know that.”
So she does.
Nodding in silent defeat, Nana begins to make her way out of their share space, only to be stopped dead in her track with a hand wrapped tight around her wrist. “You can’t be with him either way, your parents are going to get become husband and wife. You two, will officially be siblings then.”
“I can’t be with him?” Nana repeats slowly, pushing Jessica’s away with the only smile she’ll ever give her. “When my mother says ‘yes’ at the altar, Jaejoong and I, will have no choice but always be together.”
“Exactly,” Jessica nods, taking a step forward and inches closer, “So why let a couple of arranged marriages, get in the way of your incestuous relationship, right?”
Shaking her head, Nana pushes the blonde’s tight grasp on her arm in disgust. “Whatever sick, twisted plan you’ve got in store isn’t going to work.”
“It’s not a plan,” she counters quickly, looking too honest for her own good, “I want out of this whole arranged marriage business, I can only take so much humiliation.” Looking down on the polished floor, she murmurs her vulnerability, “I have my limits too.”
“I don’t know…” her thoughts are a cluster of confusion, her words aren’t sticking together right,
“What are you trying to say, Jessica?”
“You don’t have to marry Yoochun if you don’t want to.”
“I have to -“
“You’ll only make him miserable.”
“You don’t know that.”
“But I do.” She says with so much confidence Nana buys into it more than she already does. “You love Jaejoong. If you’re going to lie about it, try and be a little less obvious.”
-
The couple dance is a tradition and they’re all about traditions.
He’s still looming in the exit, sticking it out until the very end. A champagne flute in his hand, raising
it up in a silent toast to her and Yoochun as they sway through the motion with her head on his shoulder and her mind elsewhere.
“You’re staring, Nana.” Yoochun whispers and Nana knows she’s been caught.
“Even if I’ve met you first, ten days before or even a year,” she says croakily, closing her eyes, “I would still have fallen for Jaejoong, it’s meant to be that way.”
His arm around her waist loosens and he pulls back just enough to get a glimpse of her raw gaze, the message behind her admittance breaking the barrier between hope and delusion.
Nana can only hope it doesn’t shatter him completely.
“You’re not going to marry me.” He surmises accurately, his eyes shows hurt but also, forgiveness.
“No, I’m not.” She mumbles her final answer into his chest, holding him close and intertwining their fingers. “Just stay like this until this song’s finished.”
It’s the first time they dance together and the last.
-
He’s not drunk yet but he’s nearly there by the time she finds her way out of the celebration.
“Just who I was looking for, my only sister, also my favorite sister!” Jaejoong says in intoxicated joy, stumbling into her with a wide grin that’s far from genuine, “I think congratulatory kisses are in order.”
She shoves him on the chest, hard enough to shake him out of his debauched state. “Stop being so loud or someone’s going to come out and find us!”
“Alright, don’t give your oppa a big kiss then.” He laughs incredulously, staggering back until his back hits the trunk of the Oakwood tree hovering over them like a veil. “But I tell you, you’re going to regret it later on, better do it now when you have the chance -“
“I’m not going to marry him.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Nana doesn’t expect him too. She’s wasted so much time recoiling from joining him in a stand of bravery - saying no to lifelong misery. He gazes at him with bleary, onyx orbs, his doubt begging to be cleared away and so she’s crossing over to his side, willing to stay there as long as he wants her to.
She stays where she is for a long, moment of building tension, her stare commanding and cheeks burning under his hot breath. “Give me a cigarette.”
Jaejoong just looks at her coolly, never breaking their eye contact as he pulls one out of his pocket.
Nana’s hands are shaking when she takes it. “If I can throw this up and catch it with my mouth, would you do whatever I ask?”
He nods and that’s a promise.
Taking a few steps back, she keeps her eyes on him, watching him little by little when she stops with a last click of the heels. Her breath hitches, sweat has broken out on her forehead and how can her heart not hammer when he’s looking at her like he’s never going to get over her for as long as they live.
Holding the weightless toxic wrapped in cheap paper in her two fingers, Nana throws it up at a height high enough to not lose sight on it. She doesn’t breathe nor blink, only part her dry lips and concentrates on the cigarette, now dropping down closer and closer by the second.
She bites down hard, barely able to keep it in her mouth.
Jaejoong’s there, in front of her before she even realizes it, a light flickering between them as he lights it. Gently, she inhales and exhales, smoke clouds masking his face.
He smiles down at her, removing the cigarette from her lips and placing it in between his and bows his head so the light dancing in his eyes can be left to her interpretation - the excitement to hear her request, he did always like a good, old dare.
Stroking a line from her temple to her jaw, he asks the question they’ve been both waiting for, “So what is it that you want, Nana?”
“Go away with me.”
He can’t say no but they both know he doesn’t want to.
-
A scandal, they become - at least that’s what the tabloids call it.
Rich, shameless, siblings, notorious, young, pretty are words that tire as the headlines of a piece that contains Kim Jaejoong and Im Nana, there’s never ‘or’ because it’s almost more of a uproar to see one without the other.
The summer issues of gossip columns has been riddened with recycled details on the soon-to-be-siblings’ private getaway to Hong Kong. No comments are offered by both parties’ parents who are soon to wed, ex fiancées, assumed friends and distance acquaintances seemingly had no useful information to share.
“What’s so funny?”
Her head snapped up, revealing to him a beam as she waves a flimsy copy of Newsen in his face. “Faux-cest, that’s what they call us.”
He skims over it for what seems to last only a second before a snicker welcomes itself onto his lips,
“And to think we try to keep it clean for the cameras.”
“Did you get me the hot chocolate?” Nana asks, rolling her eyes at his previous remark.
“Yup,” Jaejoong says with a mischievous edge with one hand of what she’s sure is holding her beverage, behind his back, “Oppa will only trade you for a kiss.”
She smirks, gripping the front of his shirt in her two hands and whispers hotly, “Sounds fair to me.”
NO ANGEL, beyonce
underneath the pretty face is something complicated
I come with a side of trouble,
but I know that's why you're staying
THE WAY WE TOUCH, we are twinif you would be my best friend, then I would build a home
where both of us can live alone
POISON AND WINE, the civil wars
I don't love you,
but I always will
BABY I MISS YOU, 2ne1
you're a bad boy
fine, play that game boy, I can handle it
TV IN BLACK & WHITE, lana del rey
when I'm around you, suddenly I realize
that I was blind before I saw the world through your eyes