i'll be a better man, tomorrow
i'll be a better man, tomorrow
1385 w, pg-13 (krystal/onew)
moments from a platonic relationship, threatening to be more
The phone rings once, twice, three times until a groggy voice answers at the other end of the line. The grogginess wears away after a few seconds, the shock settling in his words once he can actually say anything, "It's four o'clock in the morning, Soojung."
She turns her head and looks at the alarm clock on the night stand. By the night stand rests a prepared bag, a carry on, and - "I know, but I had to call."
"Your flight is in a day," His voice already makes an unknown part of her tingle. Her fingers only grip the phone tighter, pressing it closer to her ear because if she lets go that just might be it. But you've been in Korea for two weeks, is what she doesn't hear him say, but she knows he's thinking it.
"I caved, Jinki. I really did," Soojung finds herself whispering, "I really miss you."
He presses down on the gas harder, because going faster makes him a better man. She laughs at him endlessly, wanting to punch but scared that he'll drive them off the road. Soojung throws her head back, a melodic tone escaping lips spread wide apart, and from the corner of his eye Jinki can see raven locks flowing back.
He laughs too, harder and harder, until neither of them can breathe and they're parked on the side of the road.
"You're going to kill us, I swear," Soojung rolls her eyes and inhales. She blinks into the daylight, watching as the sky melts colors right into each other, right into them. She doesn't notice when he places his hand over hers, and when she does she doesn't flinch.
"Well, I'm glad I'll be dying with my best friend," Jinki muses.
She doesn't look over. She finally gives him the punch she's been waiting to give.
"I guess I'll be dying with my best friend, too."
Things aren't like how they were before, she thinks. And then she doesn't think about it. And then she does - and for a minute, it's quite alright when she wakes up next to him, ethereal and uncomplicated, but the guilt floods into her lungs the next. And then another minute, and an hour, and half the morning has been spent with them lying in bed. Their fingers lace, their foreheads touch, and Soojung feels every part of him emotionally because touching him physically would be too much.
She breathes into his ear with a soft whisper, "What are we doing?"
Soojung waits for an answer.
She wants a title. She wants a miracle.
"I don't know," Is all Jinki says before he rolls over on his side. She stares at his bare back for awhile, a finger slowly tracing patterns on his shoulder.
She doesn't know either.
Soojung holds out the map in front of their faces, eyes squinting behind reflective sunglasses. She bites her lower lip and tilts her head a bit, completely unsure of where they are going. This isn't California, she thinks. Soojung doesn't know every twist and turn, bump and pot hole of these streets. The objects in their rear view mirror are just one big blur, another part of the fantasy that is Korea. A fantasy that she only lives in temporarily.
"So, this idea of a road trip," Soojung half grins, "was kind of lame."
"What? Jung, this was your idea."
"I never said it wasn't! It's just that you're half a man because your lack of navigational skills, and I'm too much of a woman to - "
She's cut off after that, an arm swinging around her and she's thrown over his shoulder. They're consumed after that, a senseless abyss of laughter caught up with the crashing of waves and the throwing down on sand. They sleep there that night, on the beach, with separate towels and connected hearts.
Sooyeon looks at her sister from across the grey table. The flower decoration of a daisy underneath perfectly highlights the silly smirk along Soojung's lips. She's pleasantly surprised, the whole scenario that unfolds is one she rarely sees.
"You look so happy," Sooyeon says. "You must really like him. Are you guys dating yet?"
"What?" The smile fades into the back ground, brown eyes blinking away their initial confusion.
"You and Jinki."
Soojung shakes her head in a no, a never, a feigned disgust quickly exposed by confusion.
"He's my best friend," She smiles to herself. "And I trust him, so much. I love him, so much. But he's my best friend and that's how I need and want him the most. If we were to date, everything would fall apart. I needed someone to love me as much as I loved them, without the complications, without the - well, without the shit," Soojung breathes, "And that's him. That's Jinki."
"To us," He says, holding the shot glass out in front of her, tipping the rim so that it touches her own.
"For being infinite," Jinki arches a brow, trying to his best to be melodramatic.
"For being young," Soojung corrects him, a grin sustained with the alcohol that burns the back of her throat.
An hour later, Soojung finds herself familiar with staring at the ceiling, and Jinki's lips on hers. Again, and again - and she doesn't fight it, as much as she should, as much as she wants to, until there's a final shove,
"No." Is what she says.
She bites down on her quivering lip, "Just .. no."
"I had a dream about us last night," Soojung looks up at the blue sky, feeling herself sink into the sand underneath them.
"And?"
"And it was beautiful. The sun was blue, and the night was pink, and you and I were just you and I, Soojung and Jinki," She gives him a cheeky smile.
He laughs a little and says nothing because she fills up the silence. "But we were more than that."
"Sometimes I think about loving you, Jinki. More than I do. You and I, being more than what we are," She confesses, a tremble in her voice. "And it's such a scary idea, a perfect idea, but we live in imperfection. That's just society, you know? And - "
"Yeah," he says, "I'm scared to love you too."
"Soojung, you're overreacting."
"Am I?" She can't breathe. "I - I, I don't know us."
"It was a kiss."
"But was it a mistake?" She asks him.
Once again, he gives her no answer. Silence.
"I might just drive back home on my own, Jinki," Soojung says then. "Maybe I'll have Sooyeon pick me up."
Jinki looks at his phone one more time.
Sorry I didn't call you, or tell you, or something - I'm going back to America with Sooyeon. I'll miss you. I'll see you soon.
You're still my best friend.
"I just think our timing is off," Jinki drapes an arm around her.
"If we work out, you and I, if it's really meant to be, and all that crap, we'll just know. Those stars up there," He looks up, "they'll align."
"I don't want us to change."
He pushes her, "If we do, it'll only be for the better."
It's raining when he opens the door at five o'clock in the morning, his eyes landing upon the girl with raven hair sticking to the side of her face. He lets her in and she enters, both of them sitting on the couch with a dark abyss between them. Jinki wants to reach over, give her a hug, let her know that he missed her and he wonders if she missed him just as much.
"I tried avoiding you, you know," Soojung admits.
He tries to laugh, but the it gets stuck in his throat. Jinki nods, "Yeah, I know."
"You're still - "
"Your best friend? I know that too. I wish you would have told me before you left. I wish you didn't do that."
"I went to go learn, to finish finding myself, to find out who I was without you."
"And did you do it?"
"Yeah," Soojung shook her head, "I did."
Jinki looked at her for a long time, neither of them saying anything.
And what did you find?
I found that you made me better.
/
a/n i missed everyone. a lot. i missed writing. the movie all the days before tomorrow inspired/influenced this greatly. sorry if it's a little confusing, i'm rusty, but i just had the sudden urge to write. anyways, there are three main scenes throughout the whole thing, some other parts are just thrown in there. the present of when she visits, the road trip, and the kiss scenario, all tangled in one huge mess.
1385 w, pg-13 (krystal/onew)
moments from a platonic relationship, threatening to be more
The phone rings once, twice, three times until a groggy voice answers at the other end of the line. The grogginess wears away after a few seconds, the shock settling in his words once he can actually say anything, "It's four o'clock in the morning, Soojung."
She turns her head and looks at the alarm clock on the night stand. By the night stand rests a prepared bag, a carry on, and - "I know, but I had to call."
"Your flight is in a day," His voice already makes an unknown part of her tingle. Her fingers only grip the phone tighter, pressing it closer to her ear because if she lets go that just might be it. But you've been in Korea for two weeks, is what she doesn't hear him say, but she knows he's thinking it.
"I caved, Jinki. I really did," Soojung finds herself whispering, "I really miss you."
He presses down on the gas harder, because going faster makes him a better man. She laughs at him endlessly, wanting to punch but scared that he'll drive them off the road. Soojung throws her head back, a melodic tone escaping lips spread wide apart, and from the corner of his eye Jinki can see raven locks flowing back.
He laughs too, harder and harder, until neither of them can breathe and they're parked on the side of the road.
"You're going to kill us, I swear," Soojung rolls her eyes and inhales. She blinks into the daylight, watching as the sky melts colors right into each other, right into them. She doesn't notice when he places his hand over hers, and when she does she doesn't flinch.
"Well, I'm glad I'll be dying with my best friend," Jinki muses.
She doesn't look over. She finally gives him the punch she's been waiting to give.
"I guess I'll be dying with my best friend, too."
Things aren't like how they were before, she thinks. And then she doesn't think about it. And then she does - and for a minute, it's quite alright when she wakes up next to him, ethereal and uncomplicated, but the guilt floods into her lungs the next. And then another minute, and an hour, and half the morning has been spent with them lying in bed. Their fingers lace, their foreheads touch, and Soojung feels every part of him emotionally because touching him physically would be too much.
She breathes into his ear with a soft whisper, "What are we doing?"
Soojung waits for an answer.
She wants a title. She wants a miracle.
"I don't know," Is all Jinki says before he rolls over on his side. She stares at his bare back for awhile, a finger slowly tracing patterns on his shoulder.
She doesn't know either.
Soojung holds out the map in front of their faces, eyes squinting behind reflective sunglasses. She bites her lower lip and tilts her head a bit, completely unsure of where they are going. This isn't California, she thinks. Soojung doesn't know every twist and turn, bump and pot hole of these streets. The objects in their rear view mirror are just one big blur, another part of the fantasy that is Korea. A fantasy that she only lives in temporarily.
"So, this idea of a road trip," Soojung half grins, "was kind of lame."
"What? Jung, this was your idea."
"I never said it wasn't! It's just that you're half a man because your lack of navigational skills, and I'm too much of a woman to - "
She's cut off after that, an arm swinging around her and she's thrown over his shoulder. They're consumed after that, a senseless abyss of laughter caught up with the crashing of waves and the throwing down on sand. They sleep there that night, on the beach, with separate towels and connected hearts.
Sooyeon looks at her sister from across the grey table. The flower decoration of a daisy underneath perfectly highlights the silly smirk along Soojung's lips. She's pleasantly surprised, the whole scenario that unfolds is one she rarely sees.
"You look so happy," Sooyeon says. "You must really like him. Are you guys dating yet?"
"What?" The smile fades into the back ground, brown eyes blinking away their initial confusion.
"You and Jinki."
Soojung shakes her head in a no, a never, a feigned disgust quickly exposed by confusion.
"He's my best friend," She smiles to herself. "And I trust him, so much. I love him, so much. But he's my best friend and that's how I need and want him the most. If we were to date, everything would fall apart. I needed someone to love me as much as I loved them, without the complications, without the - well, without the shit," Soojung breathes, "And that's him. That's Jinki."
"To us," He says, holding the shot glass out in front of her, tipping the rim so that it touches her own.
"For being infinite," Jinki arches a brow, trying to his best to be melodramatic.
"For being young," Soojung corrects him, a grin sustained with the alcohol that burns the back of her throat.
An hour later, Soojung finds herself familiar with staring at the ceiling, and Jinki's lips on hers. Again, and again - and she doesn't fight it, as much as she should, as much as she wants to, until there's a final shove,
"No." Is what she says.
She bites down on her quivering lip, "Just .. no."
"I had a dream about us last night," Soojung looks up at the blue sky, feeling herself sink into the sand underneath them.
"And?"
"And it was beautiful. The sun was blue, and the night was pink, and you and I were just you and I, Soojung and Jinki," She gives him a cheeky smile.
He laughs a little and says nothing because she fills up the silence. "But we were more than that."
"Sometimes I think about loving you, Jinki. More than I do. You and I, being more than what we are," She confesses, a tremble in her voice. "And it's such a scary idea, a perfect idea, but we live in imperfection. That's just society, you know? And - "
"Yeah," he says, "I'm scared to love you too."
"Soojung, you're overreacting."
"Am I?" She can't breathe. "I - I, I don't know us."
"It was a kiss."
"But was it a mistake?" She asks him.
Once again, he gives her no answer. Silence.
"I might just drive back home on my own, Jinki," Soojung says then. "Maybe I'll have Sooyeon pick me up."
Jinki looks at his phone one more time.
Sorry I didn't call you, or tell you, or something - I'm going back to America with Sooyeon. I'll miss you. I'll see you soon.
You're still my best friend.
"I just think our timing is off," Jinki drapes an arm around her.
"If we work out, you and I, if it's really meant to be, and all that crap, we'll just know. Those stars up there," He looks up, "they'll align."
"I don't want us to change."
He pushes her, "If we do, it'll only be for the better."
It's raining when he opens the door at five o'clock in the morning, his eyes landing upon the girl with raven hair sticking to the side of her face. He lets her in and she enters, both of them sitting on the couch with a dark abyss between them. Jinki wants to reach over, give her a hug, let her know that he missed her and he wonders if she missed him just as much.
"I tried avoiding you, you know," Soojung admits.
He tries to laugh, but the it gets stuck in his throat. Jinki nods, "Yeah, I know."
"You're still - "
"Your best friend? I know that too. I wish you would have told me before you left. I wish you didn't do that."
"I went to go learn, to finish finding myself, to find out who I was without you."
"And did you do it?"
"Yeah," Soojung shook her head, "I did."
Jinki looked at her for a long time, neither of them saying anything.
And what did you find?
I found that you made me better.
/
a/n i missed everyone. a lot. i missed writing. the movie all the days before tomorrow inspired/influenced this greatly. sorry if it's a little confusing, i'm rusty, but i just had the sudden urge to write. anyways, there are three main scenes throughout the whole thing, some other parts are just thrown in there. the present of when she visits, the road trip, and the kiss scenario, all tangled in one huge mess.