(no subject)
I hate myself, I hate my life, and I hate myself even more for those things. I feel so..isolated, alone, and just...shitty. I wish I could go back to the way things were a few summers ago, when I still had my old friends, Katie was still talking to me, and everything was okay. Sure, I just decided to try and kill myself every once in a while, but I was so much more happy then....even though I wasn't at the same time...Anyway, things are way too complicated to write the way I feel down, and frankly, no one cares so why should I?
I truly feeling like I'm a shell of a person, my feelings are only distant memories from when I was able to feel. I feel like all my reactoins, my laughter, is just reacting to other people. I feel dead, like a robot going through day to day life trying to pass off as human. Maybe I've shoved my emotions aside so much, they've finally decided to stay away for a while. Even though I want them to stay away, at the same time I know if I do, I'll never be happy. Though I feel not a whole lot, I do feel a distant discontent.
Anyway, I'm such a bitch. Really, I am. Wholly and truly no matter what any one says. I'm a horrible person who keeps trying to make people think I'm a good person. I should be swallowed up by Hell and taken into its fiery pits. That, or not allowed to live in society any more. I want to be locked up, and given a computer to write down random. Maybe some music and internet.
Remind me, when I get a house, to not put any type of much of anything in it. Bed, chair, TV, computer, interent, phone. That's it. Maybe a stove and one pot. With that, I don't have to clean very often.
If there be a god, smite me down now! I deserve it!!!!
I truly feeling like I'm a shell of a person, my feelings are only distant memories from when I was able to feel. I feel like all my reactoins, my laughter, is just reacting to other people. I feel dead, like a robot going through day to day life trying to pass off as human. Maybe I've shoved my emotions aside so much, they've finally decided to stay away for a while. Even though I want them to stay away, at the same time I know if I do, I'll never be happy. Though I feel not a whole lot, I do feel a distant discontent.
Anyway, I'm such a bitch. Really, I am. Wholly and truly no matter what any one says. I'm a horrible person who keeps trying to make people think I'm a good person. I should be swallowed up by Hell and taken into its fiery pits. That, or not allowed to live in society any more. I want to be locked up, and given a computer to write down random. Maybe some music and internet.
Remind me, when I get a house, to not put any type of much of anything in it. Bed, chair, TV, computer, interent, phone. That's it. Maybe a stove and one pot. With that, I don't have to clean very often.
If there be a god, smite me down now! I deserve it!!!!