Run, just run..
I haven't posted an entry in nine months, oh my goodness has so much happened.
Yet another relationship of mine has come and gone, it seems as if I write in this journal during each major boy era lol. I started dating this boy, Josh, who worked next door from me when I worked at Dunkin Donuts back in July.. Dating him finally ended my contact with Daryl, I haven't spoken to that boy since. Anyway, Josh lived with us for about three weeks before we kicked him out. I thought I really liked him, besides his incredibly strong bad points, such as unemployment, lack of direction, horrible temper, drug and alcohol abuse, just to name a few...
After six months of bullshit, I finally found the courage to end things. I've always been way too nice in the past, I have had enough of that though, for sure.. It's been like, two months since I've broken up with him, but we.. have been talking, and even sleeping together since then. But mind you, I put an end to that awhile ago..
Josh has this friend that I met awhile ago, when him and I first began dating, who went by the name of "Brown." He's this gangsta kid, who we always assumed was hispanic. He's a fighter, another lost soul to the world of violence, drugs, alcohol, sex, and all that wretched stuff. However, he's a really cool, down to earth person, but I never put deep thought into him, he was always just.. Brown. The guy I knew.
After Josh and I split, Brown had just happened to break up with his "fiancee" Fefe, and I still remember his exact words the day we talked about it. I was at work (I quit Dunkin Donuts last August, and started working at Piercing Pagoda in November..) and I was returning to my kiosk after picking something up to either drink or eat.. And he happened to be walking by me with some guy. He stopped, said hey, where's your "husband." (he always called Joshua my husband. -_-") I nicely explained to him that we had broken up and he goes "Well I just broke up with my ex, Fefe, give me your number, we'll go out for a dinner or movie or something." LOL (something along those lines..) At the time, I didn't think nothing of it really, most of Josh's friends had that reaction, I guess they all thought I was attractive in one way or the other..
Well Brown didn't stop there, he would continue to text me, and then call.. always looking to hang out, or maybe not even say anything at all, I guess he texted me for the hell of texting.. it was... cute I guess.
But then he disappeared, and I didn't hear from him again until one random Saturday night at the "races," a gathering place by Best But where people who have a passion for automobiles and racing hang out. I remember how.. giddy he seemed that night. I think he was somewhat excited to even see me there.. I was chilling with Ash, Josh's "broster" that night (Josh and I were friends then, but not together..) and Brown said hey, and zigzagged around the parking lot saying hello to everyone else there that night. Then he came back to our little group, and he pulled me off to the side saying we needed to talk, and he was right, we did. At first he played it off like he only wanted to talk about Ash, and know if she was really a girl and not a dude. (Ash looks and acts like a boy..) Then he tells me that he got back with Fefe, and I was just like "Oh." He looked at me so apologetically, it was probably the most passion I've ever witnessed from that boy. And he goes "I'm sorry." I'm like "What the hell are you apologizing for?" He says "Because I was really starting to feel you..." Then something along the lines of "Well it doesn't matter, I'm still gonna talk to you blahlblah." I think.. I realized that night, after he asked me if I felt the same way, that I did like him, as crazy as that sounded. Here was my total opposite, the North to my South, probably nothing in common, and I had fallen for him, and he had apparently done the same.
Brown and I continued to hang out, and he'd begin hitting on me, regardless of the fact he was back with his fiancee. (Whether they're still engaged or not, I do not know.) And it continued to get worse, to the point where we started kissing (never on the lips though..) on the neck, cheek, and the corner of the mouth. Biting.. groping, feeling, embracing. It's crazy stuff, and it's always when nobody notices.. when someone turns their head for even a second.. like he'll hold my hand in the car when Fefe looks away. It's sneaky shit, and as much as this should be a giant red flag screaming at me to turn and run, I just can't, I'm addicted to him...
Worst of all.. we found out that Brown was diagnosed with Leukemia.. I balled my eyes out the night he called me at 3 am and told me the news. I've been devastated ever since, and this only complicated things further. He feels like he can't leave Fefe now, because of all she does for him, and honestly.. I guess they're good for each other. Both of them are.. lower class, have nothing going for them besides their passion for smoking weed and partying just about every night. I guess they have each other. Why I have this overwhelming desire to come in between that is beyond me.. I guess the head games don't make this any easier. He tells me he wants to be with me, how much he likes me, how much he wants me. But I think this is just another case dedicated to lust, or at least it is now.. It wasn't before.. Go me.
Yet another relationship of mine has come and gone, it seems as if I write in this journal during each major boy era lol. I started dating this boy, Josh, who worked next door from me when I worked at Dunkin Donuts back in July.. Dating him finally ended my contact with Daryl, I haven't spoken to that boy since. Anyway, Josh lived with us for about three weeks before we kicked him out. I thought I really liked him, besides his incredibly strong bad points, such as unemployment, lack of direction, horrible temper, drug and alcohol abuse, just to name a few...
After six months of bullshit, I finally found the courage to end things. I've always been way too nice in the past, I have had enough of that though, for sure.. It's been like, two months since I've broken up with him, but we.. have been talking, and even sleeping together since then. But mind you, I put an end to that awhile ago..
Josh has this friend that I met awhile ago, when him and I first began dating, who went by the name of "Brown." He's this gangsta kid, who we always assumed was hispanic. He's a fighter, another lost soul to the world of violence, drugs, alcohol, sex, and all that wretched stuff. However, he's a really cool, down to earth person, but I never put deep thought into him, he was always just.. Brown. The guy I knew.
After Josh and I split, Brown had just happened to break up with his "fiancee" Fefe, and I still remember his exact words the day we talked about it. I was at work (I quit Dunkin Donuts last August, and started working at Piercing Pagoda in November..) and I was returning to my kiosk after picking something up to either drink or eat.. And he happened to be walking by me with some guy. He stopped, said hey, where's your "husband." (he always called Joshua my husband. -_-") I nicely explained to him that we had broken up and he goes "Well I just broke up with my ex, Fefe, give me your number, we'll go out for a dinner or movie or something." LOL (something along those lines..) At the time, I didn't think nothing of it really, most of Josh's friends had that reaction, I guess they all thought I was attractive in one way or the other..
Well Brown didn't stop there, he would continue to text me, and then call.. always looking to hang out, or maybe not even say anything at all, I guess he texted me for the hell of texting.. it was... cute I guess.
But then he disappeared, and I didn't hear from him again until one random Saturday night at the "races," a gathering place by Best But where people who have a passion for automobiles and racing hang out. I remember how.. giddy he seemed that night. I think he was somewhat excited to even see me there.. I was chilling with Ash, Josh's "broster" that night (Josh and I were friends then, but not together..) and Brown said hey, and zigzagged around the parking lot saying hello to everyone else there that night. Then he came back to our little group, and he pulled me off to the side saying we needed to talk, and he was right, we did. At first he played it off like he only wanted to talk about Ash, and know if she was really a girl and not a dude. (Ash looks and acts like a boy..) Then he tells me that he got back with Fefe, and I was just like "Oh." He looked at me so apologetically, it was probably the most passion I've ever witnessed from that boy. And he goes "I'm sorry." I'm like "What the hell are you apologizing for?" He says "Because I was really starting to feel you..." Then something along the lines of "Well it doesn't matter, I'm still gonna talk to you blahlblah." I think.. I realized that night, after he asked me if I felt the same way, that I did like him, as crazy as that sounded. Here was my total opposite, the North to my South, probably nothing in common, and I had fallen for him, and he had apparently done the same.
Brown and I continued to hang out, and he'd begin hitting on me, regardless of the fact he was back with his fiancee. (Whether they're still engaged or not, I do not know.) And it continued to get worse, to the point where we started kissing (never on the lips though..) on the neck, cheek, and the corner of the mouth. Biting.. groping, feeling, embracing. It's crazy stuff, and it's always when nobody notices.. when someone turns their head for even a second.. like he'll hold my hand in the car when Fefe looks away. It's sneaky shit, and as much as this should be a giant red flag screaming at me to turn and run, I just can't, I'm addicted to him...
Worst of all.. we found out that Brown was diagnosed with Leukemia.. I balled my eyes out the night he called me at 3 am and told me the news. I've been devastated ever since, and this only complicated things further. He feels like he can't leave Fefe now, because of all she does for him, and honestly.. I guess they're good for each other. Both of them are.. lower class, have nothing going for them besides their passion for smoking weed and partying just about every night. I guess they have each other. Why I have this overwhelming desire to come in between that is beyond me.. I guess the head games don't make this any easier. He tells me he wants to be with me, how much he likes me, how much he wants me. But I think this is just another case dedicated to lust, or at least it is now.. It wasn't before.. Go me.