(no subject)
I've realized that what bothers me most isn't the things you forget or no longer feel the need or desire to say, but it's that, in turn, I don't feel like I can tell you the things I'm thinking; the things I want you to know. I'll try, give a little bit of effort just to see... but you don't want to hear it anymore.
The only thing that comforts me is the knowledge that I never took any of it for granted. You'll never know... I'll never tell you, but there were nights I couldn't sleep, just because of the things you'd say to me. One night in particular... imagine me, laying there, shivering under the blanket. 8 or more hours straight I was there, only thinking of you and what had just happened. I've never felt so loved in my life. But you'll never know.
And it seems so juvenile now. You put me back in Jr. High: little girls walking up to boys they've admired from afar, speaking their feelings, and getting laughed at. What made you think they would care? What makes me think you would care? How could you stop caring?
Less and less the nights came where you would let me fly. I'd slowly begin to fade from you, and suddenly you'd come back, full throttle. "My God, this is so worth it," I'd tell myself, and I'd be willing to wait for another one of those nights, as long as it took.
This isn't how it's supposed to work.
"He's not worth it."
Be worth it.
"He's not right."
Be right.
"He doesn't deserve you."
Deserve me.
Don't you want to?
You've stopped trying to make this work, after all this time. After all this pain. All these tears. All these sleepless nights. All this love.
And I'm too weak to make myself let go.
The only thing that comforts me is the knowledge that I never took any of it for granted. You'll never know... I'll never tell you, but there were nights I couldn't sleep, just because of the things you'd say to me. One night in particular... imagine me, laying there, shivering under the blanket. 8 or more hours straight I was there, only thinking of you and what had just happened. I've never felt so loved in my life. But you'll never know.
And it seems so juvenile now. You put me back in Jr. High: little girls walking up to boys they've admired from afar, speaking their feelings, and getting laughed at. What made you think they would care? What makes me think you would care? How could you stop caring?
Less and less the nights came where you would let me fly. I'd slowly begin to fade from you, and suddenly you'd come back, full throttle. "My God, this is so worth it," I'd tell myself, and I'd be willing to wait for another one of those nights, as long as it took.
This isn't how it's supposed to work.
"He's not worth it."
Be worth it.
"He's not right."
Be right.
"He doesn't deserve you."
Deserve me.
Don't you want to?
You've stopped trying to make this work, after all this time. After all this pain. All these tears. All these sleepless nights. All this love.
And I'm too weak to make myself let go.