Let's Play: Paper Mario! part ten
Meanwhile, in stately Koopa Castle...
I wonder if he's hurt...
I'm so worried about him!
Twink: He'll be all right, Princess.
Why, I bet he's saving some Star Spirits right now!
Peach: Yes... You're right, twink.
I must be strong.
I need to concentrate on finding a way out of here.
Twink: But there are tons of guards just beyond your door...
And it's impossible for you to escape through the window...
Peach: !
Oh! Wait a minute!
I remember the Minister telling me that there was a secret passage out of
this room!
Twink!
Help me look for it!
Twink: Cool! Great idea!
For some reason, Peach tries the front door:
You know you're not allowed to leave the room!
I'm sorry, but I have to take you back.
A little fanservice for you Peach fans.
Peach: Yes, I'm fine. Thank you, Twink.
That was just plain stupid! I've got to be more careful!
Twink: It doesn't look like you can get out through this door.
They waste no time searching for something/anything that could be a
secret passage.
Twink: Hmmm... A warm fireplace? Don't you find that suspicious?
Peach: Do you really think so, Twink?
Faaaaaaaaaaanservice!
Twink: Yes!! Cool!!
Now we can get out of this room!
Peach pushes the button, and...
Put... ze candle... beck!
You'd think as somebody who'd lived her entire life in the castle, she'd
know the rooms better.
Oh no... We can't get out!
Peach decides to read just a little...
Twink: Ohhh... You like doing this sort of thing, do you? Tsk
tsk!
OK, then...very quietly...
Let's see...
It quickly becomes obvious that it's Bowser's diary...
Diary: Well, the Koopa Bros. got beaten by Mario, diary.
He even set free that stupid Star Spirit I kept there.
I'm so mad I can barely write!
"Ohh, I'm Mario, I'm so big and strong and good and helpful..."
I hate him! But I'm not worried.
There's no way Mario can save the Star Spirit being held in Dry Dry Ruins.
To do that, he'd have to solve the mystery of the sands and then find Dry
Dry Ruins in Dry Dry Desert.
How would he even know to go to the desert, anyway?
So I'm not worried at all.
In fact, I'm so calm I'm gonna go to bed now.
Twink: Dry Dry Ruins in the middle of Dry Dry Desert!
One of the revered Star Spirits is being held there!
Peach: Twink, do you think you can find Mario and tell him that?
Twink: Yes, of course, Princess Peach! I'll find Mario right away...
???
Just then, the door opens, and...
It would be so embarassing if somebody read that thing...
Peach looks for a place to hide, but is stuck.
Bowser: You're the worst guards ever! Take Princess Peach back to
her room! Immediately!!
Guard: Yes, sir! Straight away! Forgive us, sir!
The guards carry Peach back to her room and her miserable fate...
From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate all you've done. Thank you.
Since you have freed me from my prison, the seal on my power is broken,
and I will recover it little by little.
As long as an ounce of power remains in me, I shall help you.
Mario...listen carefully.
You must save the other Star Spirits quickly!
If the seven of us come together, we'll be able to bestow upon you a Star
Power called the Star Beam.
The Star Beam is the only thing that can counteract the Star Rod that
Bowser wields.
I have to go back now...
back to Star Haven.
I must leave immediately.
But I'll always be watching you!
Save us all, Mario!
With that, Eldstar flies away, leaving Mario and his friends to ponder
their next move. They decide to return to Koopa Village.
Bombette: Mario rescued me.
So I figured the least I could do was help him even the score with Bowser,
King of the Koopas!
Bob-omb: Good luck, Bombette!
We Bob-ombs will all be wishing you luck! Bombs away!
Aren't our wishes getting through to the Stars anymore?
But enough chit-chat. Mario goes to see if Koot wants any more favors.
He still has a Tape I lent him a while back. Could you get it for me? I
really want it.
If you say "The Tape", he'll know what you're talking about.
Try to keep this whole thing under wraps, would you?
You promise, young fella?
Mario leaves Koopa Village and starts making for Goomba Village, when
suddenly...
Oh, it's just Troopa Jr.
Here it comes, baby!
Check this out!
He makes a dive for Mario, but ends up in the river. He climbs back out
to challenge Mario again.
Kooper: Who is this crazed guy?
What a nut...
Jr.Troopa: Shut up!!!!!
You! Mario!!
Of course you remember me!?
That's right! Darn tootin'!
I'm Jr.Troopa!
This time, you're really gonna see some fireworks!
He immediately does his impression of Sheldon from US. Acres.
Yeah! Check that out!
You've never seen anything like it before, have you?
Your attacks are useless now!!
He looks so adorable hiding in his egg, doesn't he? so cute!
It should be a snap to beat him now.
...I think.
Luckily, Mario's skills with the hammer far surpass any eggshell, and he
quickly gives the brat a thorough thrashing.
Goombario: That's Jr. Troopa. He used to boot us out of the
forest near Goomba Village. He thinks he's pretty tough.
As far as I can tell, he goes around picking fights with people who are
stronger than he is. Talk about dumb!
His hobbies are working out and ordering stuff by mail.
Mario leaves him be and continues on to Toad Town.
No sooner does he step within the city limits when...
Oh, fuck, it's another ambush.
Mario gets halfway through pounding the Star Kid into the ground before he
realizes what he's doing. He apologizes and Twink continues.
I heard you saved the honorable Star Spirit who was captured by the
Koopa Bros.!
Bowser and his gang are so angry about it!
I knew you could do it, Mario! You're on your way!
But enough celebration for now. I come bearing important information for
you.
It seems that one of the Star Spirits is being held captive somewhere in
Dry Dry Desert.
Bowser wrote it in his diary.
Some Place called Dry Dry Ruins.
The Princess braved the dangers of the castle to get you this clue, Mario!
If we find out anything else, I'll hurry back to tell you.
I have to go back to Her Highness now. She's so brave! I hope this news
helps!
Twink flies off in search of a first aid kit, and Mario resumes his trek
to Goomba Village.
Are you keeping cool?
Keep your wits about you and you'll beat Bowser hands down.
Hm, Mario.
It looks like something else is on your mind.
What!?
Koopa Koot said he wants "The Tape" back?
That old Koopa...
How does he remember things from so long ago?
OK...
Wait for just a minute. I'll bring it out for you.
He disappears behind a chair, then comes back a moment later.
Here. This is it.
When you see that old Koopa, give him my regards.
What's that?
You want to know what's on The Tape, do you?
Oh, no no... I'm sorry...
I'm afraid I can't tell you at the moment.
It was great, though!
Mario dashes back to return the filthy filthy video to Koot.
Did Goompa complain? Hee hee...
He gives Mario another coin, and then makes another request:
I've got a hankering for some Koopa Tea. It's the very best! Fetch a
bit for me, would you?
Koopa Tea can be made only with a fresh Koopa Leaf, which you can find in
the village. Brewing it requires a special technique.
Only a culinary master can make this tea the proper way so that it bursts
with flavor.
You know... I think young Miss Tayce T. of Toad Town is quite a tea
brewmaster.
What do you say you run along and bring some back piping hot? I have your
word, young fella?
As long as she's not Brewmeister, okay.
Mario returns to Toad Town and decides to see if anything's new.
First, the post office!
We had a really nice talk over some Koopa Tea. She did seem a touch
disappointed that you were still on the road.
She said that she's going to cook a delicious dinner when you come back,
so you have something to look forward to.
Oh yes! If you happen to see my wayward husband, please tell him to come
home more often.
Take care.
--Kolorado's wife.
Unfortunately, a huge boulder has fallen on the track and the train
can't go anywhere.
Talk about a crying shame!
--A railroad lover
Mario tries out his Gather Information skill, and somehow rolls a natural
21.
It's a small town. But they do have a shop and a Toad House.
Never been there, myself.
I'd like to, but that heat...
After getting to the station at Mt. Rugged, you'll have to hike over the mountain.
Dry Dry Desert is just on the other side of the mountain.
Just as he's heading southward, Mario is interrupted:
My dad's opened his shop.
Don't you wanna take a look?
It's really cool.
It's a Badge shop. For Badges.
Come on, check it out.
Badges? We don't need no stinkin' oh alright. Mario checks it out and buys
a couple, then goes to the western part of town.
Hey look, the Buzzy and his becloaked pal aren't blocking the stairs
anymore!
Each enemy has its own character and weak points.
Sometimes you use your body... Sometimes you use your items...but always,
ALWAYS you must use your mind.
Sometimes you will be surprised by what's effective.
There is no cowardice in choosing to run away from a superior foe.
Of course, you will find some enemies that are impossible to escape, once
in battle.
Face them with bravery.
I am The Master.
I am the head of this Dojo.
...cough hack cough...
wheeze...
Please pardon me.
My health is rather delicate...
Every day we train in this Dojo to improve body and mind.
If you have the purpose and the desire, you may challenge us.
Tell me, what business have you here today?
...cough...hack...
Mario says that he'll test his skills.
Very well.
Then Chan will fight you.
Now, Chan.
It is time for you to fight Mario.
Chan: As you say, Master!
He's pretty cocky, considering what happens if you attack him...
Chan: Ow... How dishonorable!
Hammer attacks don't work well, but you can turn him over with Jump
attacks. Once he's flipped over, he's easy.
No mercy, Mario!
Chan spends so much time recovering from being flipped that he can't
counter, so Mario defeats him with ease.
Chan, you must train harder.
Very well. I give you this, Mario.
You are welcome to train here with us anytime.
Cough...wheeze...
Mario challenges The Master again.
Very well. This time, Lee will fight you.
Now, Lee...
Let me see how you handle Mario.
Lee: Certainly, sir!
I will defeat him, Master!
And now, a totally unique experience: Goombario using Tattle on himself.
Do I really look like that?
No way...
He'll use Headbonk and Tattle. He has the same skills as me.
Of course, I'm much better looking and more debonair.
And I hope that I'm stronger!
He has mastered the art of disguise, so don't let it faze you when he
suddenly mirrors us.
Remember, he can't stay disguised forever.
Don't let his strange tactics throw you off guard, no matter how many
times he transforms.
Lee has disguised himself as Kooper perfectly, so his attack power is the
same as Kooper's usual power.
Just like Kooper, he attacks with his shell.
If you flip him over, you'll beat him with ease.
Incidentally, Lee's red scarf and wristband look cooler than Kooper's.
...Don't tell Kooper I said that, though.
Lee has disguised himself as Bombette perfectly, so his attack power is
the same as Bombette's usual power.
Sure, he looks as cute as Bombette, but he packs a punch!
Mario defeats him, and receives his reward:
The Master: Very well!
It's time you fought The Master.
If he's the best in the Dojo, he must be pretty tough!
Despite Mario's best efforts, he is overcome by The Master's power.
You have skill, though.
Please return here after you have trained some more.
Cough...hack...
After a rest to recover his strength, Mario pays his brother a visit.
Kaboom.
What's that? Dry Dry Desert? Oh, sure. There's a train that goes there
from Toad Town.
Hey, maybe I'll tag along...
No? You sure?
Just gimme a chance!
Mario heads inside and checks his mail.
I live in Toad Town.
I've been training at the Dojo so I can save Princess Peach!
I'll write to you again later.
Bye!
Yes, another pun name, but this one's multi-level!
Thanks for participating in our quiz show. Our ratings are through the
roof! Are those Star Pieces helping you?
Please keep coming back until you answer the last question!
I'll cheer you on!
--Vanna T.
Hey! Watch your back when you walk at night!
--Black
I'm gonna make you cry!!
--Green
You'd better sleep with one eye open, pal!
--Yellow
We shall return!!
--Koopa Bros.
Mario returns to town and visits the newly-cleared southern area.
Tayce T. lives in this house.
She's an incredibly good cook.
She just taught me the recipe for delicious Fried Shroom.
You make it with a Mushroom.
Someday, if I keep practicing, maybe I'll become a master chef.
Mario heads in the direction of the sweet smell of baking...
If you bring me ingredients, I'd be happy to fix you one of my energy-
giving dishes!<3
Mario gives her a Koopa leaf, and she gets to work, returning
moments later with:
More info gathering!
Wherever you go, all you can see is sand. Many a wanderer has gotten
lost, so travelers should use extreme caution.
Oh, and you should avoid any whirlwinds you see.
According to my sources, if you get close to a whirlwind, it'll blow you
far away.
Chances are, you'll get lost.
Hmm, a pipe...
But when people tell you not to go in, it kind of makes you want to
even more!
Of course, you'll be all right if you carry lots of items.
Probably...
Talking to a flower? Sure, why not.
Don't make fart noises at me, little plant! >:|
Oh, it's one of those things Minh T. wanted!
I'd love to spread the wondrous flowers of Flower Fields all over your
land!
You like flowers, don't you? Of course you do. Who doesn't? For that
reason I'll entrust this to your care.
That is a flower seed.
If it's well cared for,
a beautiful flower will bloom.
These flowers are delicate...
Only one with a loving heart can make them bloom in beauty.
Please take good care of it, for beauty is fragile.
Most flowers don't speak, but they all listen.
When you grow flowers, be sure to speak kindly to them.
The more you know...
Mario figures "screw caution!" and goes anyway.
...but gets creeped out and goes back to town.
Mario gives the seed to Minh, and they instantly bloom.
If you plant all four of the different-colored Bub-ulb flowers, a
miracle will occur.
I wonder what will happen?
I can hardly wait for that day to come!<3
Going east, Mario encounters a strange creature...
Goombario: He claims that he can upgrade your point levels...but
there's something suspicious about him.
I don't know... I just don't trust him for some reason.
Who knows, though? I guess you can't judge a book by its cover.
Mario decides to steer clear of him.
I don't believe it.
Well, I've never seen it.
Once I see it with my own eyes, then I'll believe it.
How strange and, dare I say, suspicious...
Red Toad: He delivers letters to many towns in the Mushroom
Kingdom.
Mustard Toad: But he's easily distracted, so more often than not,
the mail runs a little slow.
Foreshadowing?
Little Mustard Toad: Here comes Yellow Ranger T.! Boom!
Little Teal Toad: Here comes Green Ranger T.! Donk!
Look, look, Mario!
We three are heroes like you!
Well, go go toad rangers. You... something something toad rangers.
...Wait, sorry. Seafood Soup is not on the menu.
Oh, I used to be able to sing any song perfectly, each note a
masterpiece.
Those times are behind me now...perhaps forever.
The sight of Peach's castle flying high into the sky was such a shock...I
haven't been able to sing sinc then.
And now... Now I am a Pop Diva who cannot sing...
Cruel irony, isn't it?
If my lyrics really rock, our Pop Diva will be cured of shock.
I'm tragically stuck, though. 'cause my last line's a no-show.
Later, plumbinator!
Goombario: He writes songs. They call him Master Poet.
He's a pretty cool guy. He's in love with Pop Diva.
He's really worried about her. I know just how he feels...
Mario, don't laugh!
How do you like the club, dude? Pretty posh, right?
Yeah, my buddy there and I opened up last year.
This club was broken here and there in that earthquake, but, no problem.
We'll get it all fixed up in no time.
It's a shame. Lots of fond memories in those glasses.
Goombario: He runs this restaurant.
He just opened it. He also plays a mean guitar.
I'm sure he'll be popular here. I'd like to come here one day with my
whole family.
I don't like fish, though.
A long time ago, I went to Koopa Village, too.
I remember it like it was just yesterday. There were all sorts of
people...uh, that is Koopa Troopas, there.
One Koopa loved the radio, I recall...those four rowdy brothers...that
giant Kent C....
Oh yes, there was also that world-renowned explorer and archaeologist,
Kolorado.
If I recall correctly, his wife was always worrying about him. I suppose
she wanted him to stay home a bit more.
I often wonder how all those Koopas are holding up...
A giant Koopa named Kent C? I smell foreshadowing!
Yay, fishy!
Yar, I hear caterpillars be makin' the best bait.
Ye Fuzzipede! Yer me bait!
Fuzzipede: Just cuz y'all are fishin' I got to be bait? Nuh uh!
Yore a plumb fool!
I may be a caterpilla but I've still got some rights!
People use Fuzzipedes as fish bait, but they often manage to cut the line.
He's pretty robust for such a little guy.
And for the other thing (I have no idea what the hell it is supposed to be), Goombario says the following:
I really hate eating fish.
But fishing does look fun...
Fishing in the harbor must be pretty relaxing.
My dad goes fishing, too.
I wonder if he knows this guy...
But seriously, I hate fish.
Finally, after what seems like hours of hanging out and talking, Mario
heads south to the train station.
Looks as if rumors of the rails being blocked were not exaggerated even slightly.
It's really a lot more fun to watch when it's moving.
The problem must be that gigantic rock on the tracks.
That's a pretty nice engine... or it would be if that pole would quit
blocking the shot.
When Peach's castle was uprooted, one of the boulders from that stack
rolled off and landed here. What bad luck!
If we can't do something about that boulder, I can't make my run to Mt.
Rugged!
Goombario: He's the station master of Dry Dry Railroad in Toad
Town.
The motto of Dry Dry Railroad is, "We are generous, polite and safe."
Yeah, that's catchy!
Are you being sarcastic, lil' Goomba?
I wonder if that's a play on one of Japan's railway slogans or something.
I've seen packs of cactus monsters, thieves who pray on travelers'
coins, and even whirlwinds!
It's a lot safer to stick to the path so you don't get lost. It goes in a
direct line from Mt. Rugged to Dry Dry Outpost.
I have no idea if there's supposed to be a pattern or something there.
Remembering that pipe from earlier, Mario decides to investigate it.
It's spectacularly disgusting! Come stay awhile! If you're not totally
grossed out the first night, you stay for free!
They're stronger than ordinary Goombas, but you can take 'em.
Be careful of the spiked hats they wear.
It'll definitely hurt if you jump on 'em.
The tunnels are pretty simple so far...
Oh crap what was that?
They seem pretty unremarkable.
Although...
You have to wonder how they float in the air like that...
Mario puts up his best effort, but is defeated. When a search party goes
after him, all they find is a muck-splattered hat covered in sucker
marks...
--Wait, that didn't happen at all! Mario never entered the tunnels, and
instead took the tea back to Koopa Koot.
On his way back toward Koopa Village, Mario spots an odd phenomenon:
A-yup, the Marios are just 'bout ripe now...
Mmmm! This hits the spot! You know, this tea is just as delicious iced
as it is hot.
You're a stand-up guy for doing an old Koopa so many favors.
This time, I'll give you a special gift as thanks.
Don't tell anybody, though.
I've got a reputation to keep.
I have a secret wish to get the great Luigi's autograph. He's your
brother, right?
That young fella is truly super! Have you seen him jump? They should call
him "Air Luigi"!
If you could somehow get his autograph, I'd be really happy. Could you help, young fella?
Also, you have to take the cup back to--wait, wrong game. Mario returns
to his home.
He what?
Mr. Koopa Koot wants to get my autograph? Me? He wants me to sign
something?
Whoa! Cool! I'm flattered! I guess maybe I'm a little bit of a celebrity,
huh?
Wait one second.
I'll write it right now.
Here you are, Mario. My autograph.
Give my regards to Mr. Koopa Koot, OK?
Wa ha ha ha...!
I have so many unique treasures now! What a lucky Koopa I am!
He gives Mario a coin and sends him on his way.
Whew, that was a fucklong update. I wonder what the next move is...
Oh yeah, stats!
