My Holiday
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade." -The Holiday
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Officially, today my "Christmas break" started. And now, it's crunch time to pack up and prepare to leave for my first white Christmas ever. :) It'll be my first Christmas away from the Philippines, my first Christmas without my complete family and my first time to really travel alone (until my dad and sister join me). Lots of firsts and it's scary and yet exciting :)
What an emotional past couple of weeks... with Sara leaving for good at the end of the month as the worst spontaneous news i could ever hear. Which means I have a few days with her left here. Oh boy. So much to deal with and so little time and just... very little energy to get them all done.
And yet the reruns of "The Holiday" on HBO are making me tiny bit hopeful (ha. jude law! where? where? hahaha) that somehow this Holiday will be what I need it to be :) I can relate to parts of the quote above - about people who make me feel worthwhile and how parts of my soul are returning. I don't feel though, as though I've wasted my time. And I do believe that at some point, I really was blissfully happy with everything in my life. A few differences there. And now more than ever, I've been trying my best to roll with the punches and curve balls of life - with changes, friends moving out of the country, family stuff, personal journeys and much more. I've grown so much and now, I'm welcoming this trip as my breather. It will hopefully be not just what I want it to be, but what I need it to be :)
Just time for me, time to be, time to venture out and explore even for a bit :)
I will miss the Philippines and everyone at home for sure, I really really will. But I also do know that it's about time I took time for myself and throw myself into more new surroundings and just get wonderfully lost in the world out there-the great big world out there :) Even just for a bit :)