Bored....
I am really really bored right now! Haha
Right now I am sitting in the office... and am doing absolutely nothing! I have finished the work the manager give me three days ago. The new work I suppose to do from today has not been passed on to me yet, as this guy who is setting next to me and a huuuuuuuuge German fan has been bussy the whole morning. It looks like I would be doing nothing again the whole morning... so I decide to write an entry. I think this time is going to be a long one, as I have quite a lot of time, and I am just going to talk about how I think about love.
And now I am again asking myself if it was right to choose this internship above staying in Japan for the summer. >.< I hate thinking this way... but I really do. I just hope next week when the annual budgeting process starts I will learn more. But yes, I am happy that I was able to see my dad, his wife and my little sister again. She has been growing crazily, and is already 4 years old!! Oh my... I cannot recall anymore when it was the last time I saw my dad! How long is it already... and he is still busy.. as he always is. This makes me think that it was correct from me not having chose studying medicine or biology or anything that kind of stuff. But hey at least he gets to go to a lot of places for meeting or speeches. And he gets to do what he likes to do and does not need to work for s.o. But I would never ever chosse to study the half of my life, still being that busy after that.. but earn that little bit of money. His wife works at one of top 5 pharmaceutical company and definetely earns more than what he does! That is somehow sad I think...
Tonight it is going to be only me and my dad, visiting bar or going to karaoke. I am looking forwards to that!! I love to be with my parents... alone, talking about God and the world. Both with my mom and with my dad. Way of talking, subjects become different of course, but I still love to. Sometimes I just sit there and listen. I just do not know when and how it has become like this, that I truely think that my parents are the best parents in the world. It might sound somehow weird, but I think today it is rare that parents are children understand each other that much... and I am glad to be part of those rare examples.
Junpei and I are writing to eachother every day since I arrived at Shanghai. I can feel his true heart that he wants to keep going on with me, which really releaves me. I noticed deeply that I am missing him a lot. Before I came to Shanghai, we have been meeting eachother almost every day. It seems like there is something missing after not seeing him so much anymore... and I am worrying if I would forget his face or his voice... that is why I am urging him finally to get a skype so we can at least talk to eachother. If he is able to get a webcam or not is maybe not that urgent... but at least I want to talk to him.
I talked to one of best friend yesterday via skype. It has been I think more than half a year since I talked to her!! And it is like always... after we starts to talk, we will never stop. And I think true friendship should be like this way. It does not matter how long you do not talk to each other, it always return to the same way as before every time you guys see the opponent. I just love her and am really glad that I got to know her almost 7 years ago. But yeah we talked to each other for more than an hour via skype and also did video telephony, and it worked awesome. Skype is really a great thing, I noticed! Even though I love to use msn because of the i-cons, but when it comes to signal transmitting skype is seriously the best. If Junpei and I make it to talk this way, it would be so nice! Yeah but first he needs to learn how to use this kind of thing. I thought I missunderstood him when he said that he has not done any chat yet in his life and that he has no idea what msn or skype are. ^^;;; I really find that cute... on our last meeting on friday before I flew back to Shanghai, he told me that I have been writing his name wrong the whole time! >O<;;; It is not 順平, as I have been always writing, but 純平!! The first kanji stands of obedience or smoothness. But the kanji in the 2nd name stands for purity. I was totally shocked and mad why he has not been telling me that earlier, making me the idiot of writing the name of my own boyfriend the wrong way until now. As this kanji has been passed on by Hitomi to me, I thought it must be correct... I mean I thought he would definetely say something... but no... O.o Even though I was kind of shocked, I still find the name most perfectly suiting him. He is seriously a pure guy... hehe. He says he likes me because I am always giving my best in everything I do... but actually I can say the same thing about him. He has been very well in school until the university and studied very hard, he was also student representatives in High School. And in the university he dedicated himself totally into dancing. A lot of things I tell him seems so new to him, and he always listen to me like a child that is fascinated about the stories even though there are still a lot of language problems between him and me. I think I have not met such a pure hearted guy for a long time.. haha But I also think that is what I really love about him. And that is also what makes me believe that our hearts will continue, even though we cannot see eachother in the reality. Sometimes I think, that I have been always looking for someone whose heart is that pure... I do not want sound arrogant, but I believe that even though I am 21 and almost traveled though half of the world, I am still really naive and childish.. and do not know.. or do not want to know about the real cruel world. And perhaps two hearts just somehow fit together, don't you think? lol
Yesterday I have been writing e-mail with a old friend of mine who I got to know three years ago last time when I came to Shanghai. Perhaps I cannot really call him as a friend, as we do not know each other so much, but weird thing is that we still kept in contact somehow, once half a year or so. And to be honest, I thought I was in love with him during that summer. XDDD He is just a normal guy from a hairsaloon and dyed my hair and we started to chat. And I did not know what was up to me during that time, I came again to that saloon and actually asked for his phone number and if we could spend time together.. XD Yeahh.. I remember having written down everything once somewhere in this journal, and was really excited and certain that I was in love, but a love that cannot become real. If I think about this right now, I really have to laugh how naive I was at that time. I was really into his looks I guess, and that he was good in singing (I think?...). This time, being in Shanghai, I hoped to see him again, but unfortunately he went back to his hometown again. But what really weird is, he is writing a lot of sweet things, like that I got prettier (after begging me for sending a pic..) and that he would like to come to Shanghai to visit me, and that he misses me... and already asked if I am in a relationship or not in his 3rd e-mail. I was kind of confused as he truely said to me 3 years ago, that he will be waiting for his love to come and did not show any sign of interest in me. Well... this everything is not that important. I told him about honestly about my boyfriend and asked him if he has found someone. Well until now there is still no answer... XDDD I wonder if he still wants to visit me now... haha. Well anyway... I just think that I will never ever be able to cheat on Junpei, one reason because I just love him, another reason is also because I know what is like to be cheated on and that is the worst thing you can do to someone who loves you. I cannot really say that my last boyfriend seriously cheated on me, according to him he said his feeling for me was just gone... and somewhat like that he misunderstood friendship as love... whatever... but I knew from his best friend that he could not forget about his past love... or that he was a little bit in love with my Japanese room mate... and I really kind of felt like being cheated on! >.< Even though it was short love, but I truely loved him and was seriously in shock for a long time. Even though we talk normally to each other now, I think I will never be able to forgive what he has done to me. During our last chat back when I was in US, he told me that he will not able to forgive himself, and that I was probably the only one that actually truely loved him, and that he is regretting on what he has done to me and bla bla (referring to my old entry..). Right now I felt really stupid of believing a little bit what he says.. or even being kind of happy of going back to that stupid university to be able to meet him. >.< I am sorry to have thought this way, Junpei!!! (well even though that was a long time before I knew him...). Perhaps there is no reason for me to say sorry.. or perhaps it is normal so to have thought this way... But thinking about the feeling of the other person, I still feel guilty. I mean even though at that time Junpei did not exist for me, however that does delete the reality that I had a little hope of getting back with my ex-boyfriend, and the truth that he will be studying with me for another year does not change either.
But I am glad, that everthing has changed now. Now Junpei is with me and I would never ever do stupid things again. He will be the support in my heart for being strong, for keep on going, for knowing that someone is waiting for me and being with me does not matter what comes. I remember on the friday before I went to Shanghai, I met him the last time and we went to his apartment. We were lying on his bed in his room, saying absolutely nothing. Junpei is really often a quiet child, when he is with me. XDD I was getting a little bit mean and asked him that since it was my last day, if he might want to say something kind to me, being sulky again. He just smiled and said something that I wanted to hear the most, as he was able to read my heart: 心配しないで。ずっと大好きだよ。ずっと、ずっと・・・大好き。
I felt so happy at that moment... such a short sentence can make my life feeling so wonderful. From that moment on I knew I could trust him no matter what. Even though we knew each other for so short time, but I seriously feel this time it is going to be ok.
... Perhaps I am being naive and stupid again? XDDD
He even wrote me a letter, and read it to me with shivering hands holding the papers. XD That is again being so cute of him... XD But yeah this is another story...
Ok. I think I am going to break up. Sorry to have talked so much boring stuff about him. I actually intented to write a little bit about other things... but somehow it has become like this way. Love is seriously something wonderful, I believe. Even though I did not have so much experience in my life... but my mom told me, that maybe because of that, the love I am going to encounter is going to be pure and beautiful.
Have you ever watched Moulin Rouge? I watched it with Hitomi not long time ago, when we had no class on monday. There is a sentence that I really like in this movie, which I told Junpei as well: The greatest thing in the world is to love, and to be loved in return.
- I think this is so true...
Ok... I need to get going!!! See you next time, on another boring day!! XDDDDD
Right now I am sitting in the office... and am doing absolutely nothing! I have finished the work the manager give me three days ago. The new work I suppose to do from today has not been passed on to me yet, as this guy who is setting next to me and a huuuuuuuuge German fan has been bussy the whole morning. It looks like I would be doing nothing again the whole morning... so I decide to write an entry. I think this time is going to be a long one, as I have quite a lot of time, and I am just going to talk about how I think about love.
And now I am again asking myself if it was right to choose this internship above staying in Japan for the summer. >.< I hate thinking this way... but I really do. I just hope next week when the annual budgeting process starts I will learn more. But yes, I am happy that I was able to see my dad, his wife and my little sister again. She has been growing crazily, and is already 4 years old!! Oh my... I cannot recall anymore when it was the last time I saw my dad! How long is it already... and he is still busy.. as he always is. This makes me think that it was correct from me not having chose studying medicine or biology or anything that kind of stuff. But hey at least he gets to go to a lot of places for meeting or speeches. And he gets to do what he likes to do and does not need to work for s.o. But I would never ever chosse to study the half of my life, still being that busy after that.. but earn that little bit of money. His wife works at one of top 5 pharmaceutical company and definetely earns more than what he does! That is somehow sad I think...
Tonight it is going to be only me and my dad, visiting bar or going to karaoke. I am looking forwards to that!! I love to be with my parents... alone, talking about God and the world. Both with my mom and with my dad. Way of talking, subjects become different of course, but I still love to. Sometimes I just sit there and listen. I just do not know when and how it has become like this, that I truely think that my parents are the best parents in the world. It might sound somehow weird, but I think today it is rare that parents are children understand each other that much... and I am glad to be part of those rare examples.
Junpei and I are writing to eachother every day since I arrived at Shanghai. I can feel his true heart that he wants to keep going on with me, which really releaves me. I noticed deeply that I am missing him a lot. Before I came to Shanghai, we have been meeting eachother almost every day. It seems like there is something missing after not seeing him so much anymore... and I am worrying if I would forget his face or his voice... that is why I am urging him finally to get a skype so we can at least talk to eachother. If he is able to get a webcam or not is maybe not that urgent... but at least I want to talk to him.
I talked to one of best friend yesterday via skype. It has been I think more than half a year since I talked to her!! And it is like always... after we starts to talk, we will never stop. And I think true friendship should be like this way. It does not matter how long you do not talk to each other, it always return to the same way as before every time you guys see the opponent. I just love her and am really glad that I got to know her almost 7 years ago. But yeah we talked to each other for more than an hour via skype and also did video telephony, and it worked awesome. Skype is really a great thing, I noticed! Even though I love to use msn because of the i-cons, but when it comes to signal transmitting skype is seriously the best. If Junpei and I make it to talk this way, it would be so nice! Yeah but first he needs to learn how to use this kind of thing. I thought I missunderstood him when he said that he has not done any chat yet in his life and that he has no idea what msn or skype are. ^^;;; I really find that cute... on our last meeting on friday before I flew back to Shanghai, he told me that I have been writing his name wrong the whole time! >O<;;; It is not 順平, as I have been always writing, but 純平!! The first kanji stands of obedience or smoothness. But the kanji in the 2nd name stands for purity. I was totally shocked and mad why he has not been telling me that earlier, making me the idiot of writing the name of my own boyfriend the wrong way until now. As this kanji has been passed on by Hitomi to me, I thought it must be correct... I mean I thought he would definetely say something... but no... O.o Even though I was kind of shocked, I still find the name most perfectly suiting him. He is seriously a pure guy... hehe. He says he likes me because I am always giving my best in everything I do... but actually I can say the same thing about him. He has been very well in school until the university and studied very hard, he was also student representatives in High School. And in the university he dedicated himself totally into dancing. A lot of things I tell him seems so new to him, and he always listen to me like a child that is fascinated about the stories even though there are still a lot of language problems between him and me. I think I have not met such a pure hearted guy for a long time.. haha But I also think that is what I really love about him. And that is also what makes me believe that our hearts will continue, even though we cannot see eachother in the reality. Sometimes I think, that I have been always looking for someone whose heart is that pure... I do not want sound arrogant, but I believe that even though I am 21 and almost traveled though half of the world, I am still really naive and childish.. and do not know.. or do not want to know about the real cruel world. And perhaps two hearts just somehow fit together, don't you think? lol
Yesterday I have been writing e-mail with a old friend of mine who I got to know three years ago last time when I came to Shanghai. Perhaps I cannot really call him as a friend, as we do not know each other so much, but weird thing is that we still kept in contact somehow, once half a year or so. And to be honest, I thought I was in love with him during that summer. XDDD He is just a normal guy from a hairsaloon and dyed my hair and we started to chat. And I did not know what was up to me during that time, I came again to that saloon and actually asked for his phone number and if we could spend time together.. XD Yeahh.. I remember having written down everything once somewhere in this journal, and was really excited and certain that I was in love, but a love that cannot become real. If I think about this right now, I really have to laugh how naive I was at that time. I was really into his looks I guess, and that he was good in singing (I think?...). This time, being in Shanghai, I hoped to see him again, but unfortunately he went back to his hometown again. But what really weird is, he is writing a lot of sweet things, like that I got prettier (after begging me for sending a pic..) and that he would like to come to Shanghai to visit me, and that he misses me... and already asked if I am in a relationship or not in his 3rd e-mail. I was kind of confused as he truely said to me 3 years ago, that he will be waiting for his love to come and did not show any sign of interest in me. Well... this everything is not that important. I told him about honestly about my boyfriend and asked him if he has found someone. Well until now there is still no answer... XDDD I wonder if he still wants to visit me now... haha. Well anyway... I just think that I will never ever be able to cheat on Junpei, one reason because I just love him, another reason is also because I know what is like to be cheated on and that is the worst thing you can do to someone who loves you. I cannot really say that my last boyfriend seriously cheated on me, according to him he said his feeling for me was just gone... and somewhat like that he misunderstood friendship as love... whatever... but I knew from his best friend that he could not forget about his past love... or that he was a little bit in love with my Japanese room mate... and I really kind of felt like being cheated on! >.< Even though it was short love, but I truely loved him and was seriously in shock for a long time. Even though we talk normally to each other now, I think I will never be able to forgive what he has done to me. During our last chat back when I was in US, he told me that he will not able to forgive himself, and that I was probably the only one that actually truely loved him, and that he is regretting on what he has done to me and bla bla (referring to my old entry..). Right now I felt really stupid of believing a little bit what he says.. or even being kind of happy of going back to that stupid university to be able to meet him. >.< I am sorry to have thought this way, Junpei!!! (well even though that was a long time before I knew him...). Perhaps there is no reason for me to say sorry.. or perhaps it is normal so to have thought this way... But thinking about the feeling of the other person, I still feel guilty. I mean even though at that time Junpei did not exist for me, however that does delete the reality that I had a little hope of getting back with my ex-boyfriend, and the truth that he will be studying with me for another year does not change either.
But I am glad, that everthing has changed now. Now Junpei is with me and I would never ever do stupid things again. He will be the support in my heart for being strong, for keep on going, for knowing that someone is waiting for me and being with me does not matter what comes. I remember on the friday before I went to Shanghai, I met him the last time and we went to his apartment. We were lying on his bed in his room, saying absolutely nothing. Junpei is really often a quiet child, when he is with me. XDD I was getting a little bit mean and asked him that since it was my last day, if he might want to say something kind to me, being sulky again. He just smiled and said something that I wanted to hear the most, as he was able to read my heart: 心配しないで。ずっと大好きだよ。ずっと、ずっと・・・大好き。
I felt so happy at that moment... such a short sentence can make my life feeling so wonderful. From that moment on I knew I could trust him no matter what. Even though we knew each other for so short time, but I seriously feel this time it is going to be ok.
... Perhaps I am being naive and stupid again? XDDD
He even wrote me a letter, and read it to me with shivering hands holding the papers. XD That is again being so cute of him... XD But yeah this is another story...
Ok. I think I am going to break up. Sorry to have talked so much boring stuff about him. I actually intented to write a little bit about other things... but somehow it has become like this way. Love is seriously something wonderful, I believe. Even though I did not have so much experience in my life... but my mom told me, that maybe because of that, the love I am going to encounter is going to be pure and beautiful.
Have you ever watched Moulin Rouge? I watched it with Hitomi not long time ago, when we had no class on monday. There is a sentence that I really like in this movie, which I told Junpei as well: The greatest thing in the world is to love, and to be loved in return.
- I think this is so true...
Ok... I need to get going!!! See you next time, on another boring day!! XDDDDD