The Voice I Left (17\?)
Title: The Voice I Left
Pairing: Pikame(slight Akame)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: "I can hear you and love you.. I'm blind but it seems like you're the one who can't see me now. Now I want my voice to reach you again.."
Disclaimer: I only own the plot
Previous Chapters Here
New Chapter:
The empty soundless wall was all he can see when he arrived in his room. Luckily, he saw something that reminded him all the good things. Yamapi lightly touched the sheets of his bed and reminisced each happening he had there. Blissful moments.He frowned as he faced the corner of it. Here it was, the spot where Kame used to sleep. Near him, where he can feel and treasure every moment their skin touches with each other and how their breaths share. The first time their hearts unite. It was that time, really opposite from now.
“Why did I said that all to you?” Blankly, Yamapi was staring at the wall, talking to it, like it’s the only thing that he can share his emotions with.
He brushed his hair with his shuddering hands. He can see Kame on that vacant wall. The time he cried and pleaded. It’s wounding his heart but he can’t do anything. Worst feeling of all.
He imagined Kame as his orbs were drowned to being emotionless and worried. It also reminded him of the scars he saw on Kame’s hand. Did Jin do that to him? He tapped his head marginally as he thought of it.
“You know? It hurts me to love you. But I just keep on doing it..” Just the sensation of that sentence that Kame gave him was pulling him back. It repeated continuously inside his mind.
“Why does it always have to be unfair? You can always say things that you want..” Yamapi gulped and closed his eyes because of frustration and a hint of depression. “While me… I can never say what’s really in my heart..” Now he grasped the sheets harshly because he cannot hold back his tears anymore.
“I guess I’m back to the stupid me..” He opened his eyes and it revealed a hazy vision. The tears just kept on falling down.
Then his eyes travelled around the room. It stopped to see the white pillow Kame used to snooze on. He hugged it really tight, like it was a real thing, like it was Kame.
He wants to feel that softness again. Those cute acts that only that guy can make. The things that make his heart beat faster than anything else.
“You’ll never see me again.. I promise..” He embraced the pillow inside his arms firmly, forcefully and passionately. Those words it was so short yet so feeble but it dominated his heart in that minute.
Yamapi reached out for his cellphone. That bruise on Kame’s wrists just kept on bothering his mind. It’s not normal.
“Hello?” He started in a solemn tone.
“Hmm.. What made me call me?” Johnny leered at the other line.
“I just want to ask something..” Yamapi answered not so confident.
Johnny frowned. “Could it be.. about work?”
“No..”
The older man chortled evilly. “About Kame?”
For seconds, he didn’t answer it.
“What are you going to ask about him? You’re wasting my time Yamapi.” He sighed mockingly tapping the lower part of his phone.
“I.. Are you really doing your promise?” Yamapi questioned him immediately with curiosity.
“What do you think of me? A man who break his words?” An instant and defensive reply was given by the other.
Yamapi rolled his eyes. “Just make sure of that.. If I’ll find out something bad about this.. I will quit this and you can never stop me again..” He threatened the old man. Damn, is that all he can do for now?
“What makes you say that to me? It seems like you have seen something or someone lied to you..”
“Shut up.. Just do your promise..”
And the call was ended. He sulked on his bed and kissed the pillow again.
--
That night, he found his self in the dark, his body slumping on the cold tiles of a big room. The light interrupted his sleep and as soon as his mind dissolved everything, the first guy that came to his mind was Kame.
“Kazuya?”
Loud steps were heard.
“What’s going on? Where’s Kazuya?!”
A man came near him reaching for his collar and said. “You can’t see him right now.. because you’ll be staying here.”
“Fuck you.” Jin spitted on him and giving him a disgusted and killing glare. The guy growled in fury as he kicked Jin on the face.
“Oi! Don’t kick him like that. He’s still a Johnny.” Said by one of the guys inside. Jin frowned with that statement. So that was it.
“So this is all planned by that old man, huh?” He announced with sureness. He glowered at one of the guys but it didn’t move and answered.
“Oi! Talk!!” Shouts were heard on that room but no one was responding to him nor giving him any attention.
Jin just gave up as an upset sigh escaped his exhausted body.
‘Where are you Kazuya? Are you okay?’ When did he stop worrying about that guy anyway? The time they parted until now, that length of time just gave him the realization that he still loves him. A sad smile crept on his face.
--
Two weeks had passed; he hadn’t had a proper sleep yet. He sat on the messy bed he always woke up on. The bright ray of the sun warmed his skin with purity. It might felt so warm but in his state it’s not. It’s always cold inside him. Kame fixed his hair and felt relieved when there was no one in the apartment anymore.
He was still here since Yamapi and Jin left. The time he became all alone. How he wished he could escape all of this. If only he could tell it all to Yamapi right now.
“Will you get worried? Will you say sorry to me?” He was sitting emptily. “If I’ll tell everything to you, will you tell me ‘I love you’ again?” He closed his eyes that time and shook his head many times. When will he stop sounding so pathetic with his own words? All he wants now is to help that guy and after that he will continue his life. Without him. He just doesn’t want to leave any painful thing to the guy whom he loved the most.
Kame realized all of it now. How the other suffered because of him. He doesn’t want that and he wants to change it all. Even just for Yamapi’s own good. Even how cruel his world can be, he needs to think of Yamapi. He touched his eyes. Remembering the voice Yamapi gave him when they last met, it was the most horrible experience of all.
“No Kame, don’t you cry ever again.. Be strong just for once..” He tried to cheer up his self in a merry tone. He really is alone now. Smiling to his self.
“After this, you need to leave him and move on..” He smiled gently. For the first time, he was able to hold back his tears. “If you’ll do that he’ll be happy.. He must not know anything..” Kame decided as he fisted his hands.
Those hands. Kame gently tightened his hold around his wrists. That part was the last spot Yamapi touched mildly on his body. He bit his lower lip and battled his tears away. It just felt so good to be touched like that, it was so warm. From that guy..
--
Yes, two weeks, how long can it be? Still, he was thinking of Kame. He’s really an idiot. Each day it feels like missing him just makes him more in love with him.
“You’re so pathetic, Yamapi..” He was talking to his self. Had he become crazy with all of this?
Suddenly the doorbell rang. He immediately reached it as it revealed a troubled person in front of him.
“Ueda?”
Ueda punched him really hard on the face that it made him stumble on the floor.
“What’s the matter with you?!”
Ueda glared at him full of fury and that’s the time when he threw a video cam to Yamapi. The taller guy frowned as soon as he touched the camera.
“What have you done to him?”
Him? Who was that? His eyes trailed towards the thing that was on his hands. There was a video there, an only video. His hand doesn’t seem to move. He hasn’t seen it yet but it seems like it’s not good at all. Lastly, he clicked it and waited for it.
“Ahhh” The video made incoherent sounds. Ueda’s tears flow down out of his eyes. He was seriously troubled as he covered his ears.
Yamapi’s jaws dropped and he can’t breathe some air. His hands began to tremble. His mind was not functioning at all. The video just continued to play. He weakened on his spot as tried to watch it all.
“W-what’s…” He breathed in deeply and covered his mouth. The time he moved his hands away again, he looked at Ueda. He was seriously going crazy with this. “t-t-this..?”
He saw Kame. His world stopped. A sex tape.
“What did you do to him?!” Ueda landed another punch on his face. “This is your entire fault!!! His life became miserable because of you!!” Ueda sobbed. Those punches didn’t give him pain. He just felt so numb.
“What did you do..” Ueda stopped and sat with his knees. His voice was so weak.
“I don’t know.. I don’t know..”
“THEN DO SOMETHING!!”
Yamapi heard that so bad but he can’t do it. He just can’t. His eyes went blank. He felt rage all over his body. Just the thought of Kame being touched by other people makes him mad. He stormed out of the room.
--
Jin continued to hit all of them. Successfully, he escaped it, all of it.
“Kazuya.. Where are you??”
He still has those bruises on his face although he doesn’t care about it anymore. He needs to find that guy, no matter what.
--
‘Why did you do that?’ Yamapi was still being haunted by what he saw earlier he stared at the front door of Jin’s apartment. He knows that Kame is there.
Swiftly, he entered it. His mind was not processing anything. What if something bad will come out of his mouth again?
Kame blinked many times as the door opened. He held onto the nearest thing to him. Suddenly a hand grabbed him. It was a man that was holding him. It was so obvious because it has so much strength.
“Who-“
A pair of lips caught his own. It was rough and a demanding kiss and it hurts him somehow.
“Ahnn..” He struggled and successfully he was able to push the other guy away from him.
“Who?... Stop this..” He can’t say anything properly because of fear.
“You’re being touched by everybody but now you’re pushing me away?” This is it again. It’s Yamapi. His eyes widened giving the other a surprised look.
“T-touched?” His mind also don’t work properly now.
“Why are you letting other people touch you then?!!! To have sex with you?!” Yamapi shouted all of a sudden as he kicked imaginarily on the ground. He didn’t realize the other was getting hurt again. His words were too painful again. He was supposed to ask him but now it’s all raged up.
‘No Kame, you’re not going to cry.. not going to cry..’ he was repeating it instantly inside his mind as he fisted his hands. “If only I could tell it to you..” Kame was shocked by his own words.
‘No Kazuya.. Don’t tell it to him you shouldn’t…’ He was complaining inside his mind.
“What?” Yamapi said that unconsciously in a soft tone. It somewhat gives him a bad feeling.
“If only I could tell how happy I am while I’m doing that..” Kame lied.
He gulped and gave all his power to fight his heart and tears. ‘You can do this Kazuya..’ He cheered his self.
Yamapi looked at him. He was not smiling, he was not crying either. So it’s all true?
“You’re being a slut to them..” His voice was low. It was full of irritation but he just can’t show it. Those words just made him weaker.
Kame nodded half-heartedly.
Yamapi then smiled and laughed, holding his stomach. This is crazy.
“You’re blind and still, you afford doing that..” He laughed again. “I just.. I just can’t believe you..So you’re a person like that..” He wants to protect Kame but he can’t believe Kame was really doing this. His mind was not working. Yamapi ruffled his hair.
“Just go away.. And love somebody better than me…”
“Better, huh?” A sarcastic tone was made by Yamapi. “Don’t worry.. I don’t love you anymore.. And I already love somebody..”
His heart broke into pieces. If only it’ll be able to cry and shout, maybe it’s voice was already cracked. He’s blind but he didn’t know he can also be deaf with those words.
Yamapi walked out of the apartment again. This will be the last time he’ll do this; he had done too much problems in Kame’s life. He just wants to forget all of this. A tear fell down out of his pained eyes.
Lies. Why does it always have to ruin their lives?
--
The door opened bleakly. A loud crashing noise stuttered him on his turning chair. It was Yamapi holding a black squared-thing in his hands. Soon, that tape was already banged in front of him, on his table.
“Explain this.”
“How did you-“
“I don’t wanna fucking hear your voice asking a question to me. I just want your damn clarification about this!!!” His voice was shuddering. Yamapi can’t fight his own emotions anymore.
“He said he wants to do that..” He lied.
Yamapi’s heart shuttered.
“No…” He breathed out heavily.
“Didn’t he said that to you, already?” Johnny naively asked. “You should just give up because he also can give you up that easy..”
Yamapi doesn’t want to hear those statements anymore. Kame said he loved Yamapi, with that tender voice and those truthful eyes. Was that all lies? He doesn’t want to cry but he can’t help it. He looked at Johnny who was looking at him with frank eyes.
A/N: Okay. This is it! UPDATE! Don’t forget your comments! *puppy eyes*