i dont know how to feel!!!
i feel so wierd! like so much is going on! last night the " You looked cute today!" plan was intitated earlier than expected and derius's shit got busted out! horribly! he went to sharelle's, well, she called and told me i looked cute today (thats was our code for DERIUS IS WITH ME!) so then she called right after he left saying that he said he was going to his GF's house. but 10 minutes after she called heather called telling me i looked cute today!!! WTF! lol. so he called me and acted like iwas his girlfriend infront of heather, he said he was going to come over to my house at 11:30, because "he had to wait til his parents got home" whatever i knew he was at heathers! so being the bitch i am i called sharelle and told her, nad then i called heather and told her!!!! What so when he got otm yhouse he was confronted, and it wasnt all that pretty! b4 that i was talking to brandon and apparentley malik has posted a pic comment, that was actually nice! what the hell!? lol. then this morning, btw to day is teh 1 year anniversary of alex's suicide. so i woke up at 4:30 to go out ot the grave with some friends. well we were pullin up and i saw a white eclipse. ya know how u know something bad is going to happen? well thats how i felt!!!! so itold lisa to turnher ass around becasue we didnt need to be there so early and alone. wel las soon as i got out of teh car we could tell that there was someone already standing at the grave, i knew who it was becasue i used to ride around in that car, we walk over because i mean weare there now and he knows and you know you dont want to show him fear, so i walk up and FERNANDO says, hey kota, i think we need to talk. so i was like ok!? but he didnt want to talk right there, no, he had to make it harder for mae and take me to his car. so we sit down and teh first thing he does is pulls out a gun and sits it between us and says "i need to know if you are going to press charges, if you are, well, how terribly ironic would be that 2 high school students die at the cemetary visiting a ex-classmate?" so i got scared and told him that there was no reason to bring lisa into this and that i wouldnt press charges. so i opened teh door, he pushed me and saind "oh, by the way, you wont call the police either." so i thought about it all morning and finally at like 6:00 i called the police and fernando was re-arrested. i dont know how to feel im so confused. likei am happy i have derius, but at teh same time do i? i amupset that fernando took this to such a extreme, but shouldnt i be happy hes in jail agian? i have to get tested this afternoon and im nervous, but why should i be nervous if i havent even been with someone for me to get anything? this is jsut a wierd day in my life, but just like all the other days, IM GONNA MAKE IT!