Profiler-- Unconditional
When K-way gets sad and angsty, so do her characters. I took my crying jag(s) and Grace's season 4 issues and let them go play. This happened.
Profiler- Unconditional
Rating: Not rated.
Pairing: Grace/Bailey.
A/N: Takes place Season 4 during the episode “House of Cards.”
A/N the Second: Grace and I were having a hard time with the nature of love today, so we wrote about it. Unbetaed, so all mistakes are mine.
Summary: Grace reflects on the nature of unconditional love. Warning-ANGST!
Grace sat on the rooftop helipad, letting the tears roll down her cheeks. She checked her cell phone fruitlessly for the sixth or seventh time.
No new calls. No new text messages.
Angry at herself for being so needy, she slammed the phone onto the bench beside her with a sharp cry of frustration and buried her face in her hands.
That was how Bailey found her minutes later when he walked up onto the roof for a much needed cigar. Unsure whether to say something or simply leave her alone, he debated for several moments before his chivalrous side won out.
“Gracie?” He sat next to her and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder.
“Hey, Bail.” Her voice held the horrible note of false cheer of someone who is utterly miserable and trying to convince the world that she is not. “Did you need me for something?”
“I think I should be asking you that. What’s the matter?” He took in the dark clouds that were rushing in over Atlanta and the whipping orange wind-sock on the corner of the roof. “And why are you out here without a coat?” He pulled off his own leather duster and draped it over her shoulders.
“Feeling a little nauseous,” she replied. “Needed some air.”
It was partially the truth. She had been feeling nauseated; still was, in fact, but it had little to do with her pregnancy and more with the phone call that she’d had to make twenty minutes ago, a call she was hoping fervently would be returned but that she knew wouldn’t be.
“You know you have plenty of time off if you need it, Grace,” Bailey was saying. “I don’t want you to push yourself. Just say the word and I’ll get you whatever you need.”
The simple statement of support, so freely and easily given, caused the dam to break inside Grace. She began crying again, hot tears rolling down her cheeks in waves and sliding down her neck.
“Gracie, my God!” Bailey’s arm came around her shoulders. “Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not you, it’s me,” Grace sniffled, swiping at the tears on her cheeks. “I’m a wreck today, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, just tell me what I can do to help. What’s got you so upset?” His face registered concern. “You were at the doctor’s today, weren’t you? Is everything okay?”
Grace shook her head, the quivery feeling of repressed sobs rising in the back of her throat. “They did another ultrasound today and-“ Tears spilled again. “And I found out I’m having a baby boy.”
“Grace, that’s wonderful!” He brought both arms around her in a warm hug. “Congratulations.” Catching sight of her face, he subsided. “I’m guessing that’s not all you heard. What else?”
“There’s a-“ Grace could barely get the words out, “A malformation. In my uterus. They found it during the ultrasound. It raises the risk of complications during the delivery almost exponentially.”
She shuddered. Cursed as she was with the gifts of both a photographic memory and a vivid imagination, she was able to picture all too well the complications that might ensue.
“I tried to call Morgan to tell him- just about the baby, not necessarily about me and he- he won’t answer his phone, Bailey! He hasn’t returned my calls for weeks now. I finally had to leave him a message telling him that our baby is a boy and he won’t even answer his goddam phone!” She covered her eyes with her hands. “I can’t believe this is the man I married! I can’t- God, I need him and-“ She bit back a sob. “Jesus, why can’t I stop crying?”
“Oh, Grace.” Bailey pulled her into his arms and rocked her gently. “You have every reason to cry. That’s one hell of a lot of news all at once. It’s okay to be scared. I’d be worried if you weren’t.”
“It’s not that, I mean-“ Grace pulled back and took a deep breath. “Bailey, ever since I found out about this baby, I knew this pregnancy was going to be different from my first. Everything feels different. Inside of me, it feels- fragile, like something might break at any minute. It doesn’t surprise me that there are complications- I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared as hell, but it isn’t the medical part of it that’s hurting me so much.”
Bailey nodded, understanding. “It’s Morgan.”
“When you marry you want to believe that it really is til death do you part. You want to believe that he’ll be there for you every time you need him, whether it’s a big problem or a little one. And you try so hard to be there, too, to show the unconditional love that’s supposed to come when you join lives with someone and share your house, your bed, your body. And when you wake up one day and realize that your marriage is over, you wonder how the hell it happened in the first place and what you did to make it happen.”
“But sometimes it isn’t your fault.” Bailey spoke gently, and Grace could tell that he was speaking from experience. “Sometimes there’s more to it than just forgetting what unconditional love is supposed to look like. Sometimes it’s your partner who changes, when they realize that there’s a part of your life that doesn’t belong to them. Sometimes it’s change itself that ends a marriage- a new job, a new house, a new baby. Gracie, honey, when a marriage ends, sometimes it has nothing to do with love or a lack of it.” He tipped her chin up so that she was looking him in the eyes. “Don’t ever blame yourself, Grace. I know you- it’s not for lack of love that this happened.”
Grace shuddered and looked out at the roiling clouds. “I keep hoping that the phone will ring and he’ll be there, telling me he’s sorry, wanting to fix things. I keep hoping he’ll call and tell me that he’s changed his mind, that he wants to be a part of this.”
She bit her lip hard, trying to hold in the sobs that were still building in her chest. “I was so scared today, Bail. So scared and so hurt. It was awful sitting alone in a waiting room packed with couples reading their baby name books and their matching copies of ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting,’ knowing I didn’t have anyone to share that moment of joy when you see your baby on that ultrasound screen for the first time. I wanted that, Bailey. I needed that.
“And when Dr. Monroe told me there were complications, serious ones, when she told me that I could lose the baby, I needed someone to be there. I needed someone to hold my hand, to tell me that it would be okay. I don’t- I can’t go through this by myself.”
“You’re not by yourself,” Bailey stated. His hand came to rest on her back, then moved up to the nape of her neck. “Not now, not ever. We’re with you every step of the way, every single one of us.”
Grace gave a watery laugh. “Yeah, I can really see John agreeing to go to Lamaze with me.”
Bailey laughed heartily, and the sound brought a real smile to Grace’s lips. “I’d pay a lot of money to see that.” He squeezed her neck with sure fingers, his thumb running up and down the hollow at the base of her skull, a pressure point that he knew would relax her. “My offer stands, Grace. Tell me what you need and I’ll make sure you get it, whether it’s help assembling a crib or someone to hold your hand at your next ultrasound.” He smiled at her, and it was as warm and sweet a smile as any she’d ever seen on Bailey’s face. “You probably didn’t realize it at the time- I don’t think any of us did-- but four years ago you married into this family, Gracie. We’ve got a version of till death do us part, too, and it’s one that we uphold.”
“You’re amazing, Bailey,” she murmured, closing her eyes and letting herself lean in to him, relishing how safe and right it felt to have him there next to her. “Thank you.”
They sat there silently, Grace leaning against Bailey, his arm firmly around her waist and for just a moment Grace let herself imagine that it wasn’t her friend and boss she was sitting with so contentedly, but her husband and the father of her child.
“Everything’s going to be fine, Gracie,” Bailey murmured. She felt his lips brush her temple. “Count on it.”
In that moment, Grace let herself believe him.
END.
Comments are LURVE. Thanks for reading!
Profiler- Unconditional
Rating: Not rated.
Pairing: Grace/Bailey.
A/N: Takes place Season 4 during the episode “House of Cards.”
A/N the Second: Grace and I were having a hard time with the nature of love today, so we wrote about it. Unbetaed, so all mistakes are mine.
Summary: Grace reflects on the nature of unconditional love. Warning-ANGST!
Grace sat on the rooftop helipad, letting the tears roll down her cheeks. She checked her cell phone fruitlessly for the sixth or seventh time.
No new calls. No new text messages.
Angry at herself for being so needy, she slammed the phone onto the bench beside her with a sharp cry of frustration and buried her face in her hands.
That was how Bailey found her minutes later when he walked up onto the roof for a much needed cigar. Unsure whether to say something or simply leave her alone, he debated for several moments before his chivalrous side won out.
“Gracie?” He sat next to her and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder.
“Hey, Bail.” Her voice held the horrible note of false cheer of someone who is utterly miserable and trying to convince the world that she is not. “Did you need me for something?”
“I think I should be asking you that. What’s the matter?” He took in the dark clouds that were rushing in over Atlanta and the whipping orange wind-sock on the corner of the roof. “And why are you out here without a coat?” He pulled off his own leather duster and draped it over her shoulders.
“Feeling a little nauseous,” she replied. “Needed some air.”
It was partially the truth. She had been feeling nauseated; still was, in fact, but it had little to do with her pregnancy and more with the phone call that she’d had to make twenty minutes ago, a call she was hoping fervently would be returned but that she knew wouldn’t be.
“You know you have plenty of time off if you need it, Grace,” Bailey was saying. “I don’t want you to push yourself. Just say the word and I’ll get you whatever you need.”
The simple statement of support, so freely and easily given, caused the dam to break inside Grace. She began crying again, hot tears rolling down her cheeks in waves and sliding down her neck.
“Gracie, my God!” Bailey’s arm came around her shoulders. “Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not you, it’s me,” Grace sniffled, swiping at the tears on her cheeks. “I’m a wreck today, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, just tell me what I can do to help. What’s got you so upset?” His face registered concern. “You were at the doctor’s today, weren’t you? Is everything okay?”
Grace shook her head, the quivery feeling of repressed sobs rising in the back of her throat. “They did another ultrasound today and-“ Tears spilled again. “And I found out I’m having a baby boy.”
“Grace, that’s wonderful!” He brought both arms around her in a warm hug. “Congratulations.” Catching sight of her face, he subsided. “I’m guessing that’s not all you heard. What else?”
“There’s a-“ Grace could barely get the words out, “A malformation. In my uterus. They found it during the ultrasound. It raises the risk of complications during the delivery almost exponentially.”
She shuddered. Cursed as she was with the gifts of both a photographic memory and a vivid imagination, she was able to picture all too well the complications that might ensue.
“I tried to call Morgan to tell him- just about the baby, not necessarily about me and he- he won’t answer his phone, Bailey! He hasn’t returned my calls for weeks now. I finally had to leave him a message telling him that our baby is a boy and he won’t even answer his goddam phone!” She covered her eyes with her hands. “I can’t believe this is the man I married! I can’t- God, I need him and-“ She bit back a sob. “Jesus, why can’t I stop crying?”
“Oh, Grace.” Bailey pulled her into his arms and rocked her gently. “You have every reason to cry. That’s one hell of a lot of news all at once. It’s okay to be scared. I’d be worried if you weren’t.”
“It’s not that, I mean-“ Grace pulled back and took a deep breath. “Bailey, ever since I found out about this baby, I knew this pregnancy was going to be different from my first. Everything feels different. Inside of me, it feels- fragile, like something might break at any minute. It doesn’t surprise me that there are complications- I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared as hell, but it isn’t the medical part of it that’s hurting me so much.”
Bailey nodded, understanding. “It’s Morgan.”
“When you marry you want to believe that it really is til death do you part. You want to believe that he’ll be there for you every time you need him, whether it’s a big problem or a little one. And you try so hard to be there, too, to show the unconditional love that’s supposed to come when you join lives with someone and share your house, your bed, your body. And when you wake up one day and realize that your marriage is over, you wonder how the hell it happened in the first place and what you did to make it happen.”
“But sometimes it isn’t your fault.” Bailey spoke gently, and Grace could tell that he was speaking from experience. “Sometimes there’s more to it than just forgetting what unconditional love is supposed to look like. Sometimes it’s your partner who changes, when they realize that there’s a part of your life that doesn’t belong to them. Sometimes it’s change itself that ends a marriage- a new job, a new house, a new baby. Gracie, honey, when a marriage ends, sometimes it has nothing to do with love or a lack of it.” He tipped her chin up so that she was looking him in the eyes. “Don’t ever blame yourself, Grace. I know you- it’s not for lack of love that this happened.”
Grace shuddered and looked out at the roiling clouds. “I keep hoping that the phone will ring and he’ll be there, telling me he’s sorry, wanting to fix things. I keep hoping he’ll call and tell me that he’s changed his mind, that he wants to be a part of this.”
She bit her lip hard, trying to hold in the sobs that were still building in her chest. “I was so scared today, Bail. So scared and so hurt. It was awful sitting alone in a waiting room packed with couples reading their baby name books and their matching copies of ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting,’ knowing I didn’t have anyone to share that moment of joy when you see your baby on that ultrasound screen for the first time. I wanted that, Bailey. I needed that.
“And when Dr. Monroe told me there were complications, serious ones, when she told me that I could lose the baby, I needed someone to be there. I needed someone to hold my hand, to tell me that it would be okay. I don’t- I can’t go through this by myself.”
“You’re not by yourself,” Bailey stated. His hand came to rest on her back, then moved up to the nape of her neck. “Not now, not ever. We’re with you every step of the way, every single one of us.”
Grace gave a watery laugh. “Yeah, I can really see John agreeing to go to Lamaze with me.”
Bailey laughed heartily, and the sound brought a real smile to Grace’s lips. “I’d pay a lot of money to see that.” He squeezed her neck with sure fingers, his thumb running up and down the hollow at the base of her skull, a pressure point that he knew would relax her. “My offer stands, Grace. Tell me what you need and I’ll make sure you get it, whether it’s help assembling a crib or someone to hold your hand at your next ultrasound.” He smiled at her, and it was as warm and sweet a smile as any she’d ever seen on Bailey’s face. “You probably didn’t realize it at the time- I don’t think any of us did-- but four years ago you married into this family, Gracie. We’ve got a version of till death do us part, too, and it’s one that we uphold.”
“You’re amazing, Bailey,” she murmured, closing her eyes and letting herself lean in to him, relishing how safe and right it felt to have him there next to her. “Thank you.”
They sat there silently, Grace leaning against Bailey, his arm firmly around her waist and for just a moment Grace let herself imagine that it wasn’t her friend and boss she was sitting with so contentedly, but her husband and the father of her child.
“Everything’s going to be fine, Gracie,” Bailey murmured. She felt his lips brush her temple. “Count on it.”
In that moment, Grace let herself believe him.
END.
Comments are LURVE. Thanks for reading!