Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming...
Betrayal is a funny thing and it tastes like ashes in my throat.
Treatment you never expect from someone you care that much about can cut deeper than the sharpest knive.
Being on bedrest for an injury gives you a lot of time to think. Yeah, I fucked up my left side but good. My wrist is in an immobilizer, it hurts to take a breath. The doctors said they couldn't do anything but give me painkillers and order me to bedrest.
No, not a crutch. Not avoidance. I injured myself on Monday and re-injured myself today.
It's hard when you are the recipient of treatment that someone has accused you of dishing out. You reach out to speak to someone and you get slapped down. You reach out for a voice and take back only silence.
The only contact you get is when someone wants to shred you and accuse you of not caring or when someone wants to turn on you, putting you in the middle of the storm, slicing at you while you try to calm the waters. No matter which way you turn, the hand you reach for is nothing but razors slicing into you.
Disappointment and betrayal comes in many forms and in many colours and sounds.
Reaching out to those you thought were your friends and getting silence in response can cut deeper than any words or any physical blows. Silence leaves you to wonder, leaves you to imagine. Silence lets the monsters in your mind paint up the worst scenarios imaginable.
The silence makes the shadows more dangerous and it makes you feel more alone. You get paranoid and when other friends are not there or are silent, you imagine the worst, making yourself ill, inadvertantly pushing the real friends away.
Treatment you never expect from someone you care that much about can cut deeper than the sharpest knive.
Being on bedrest for an injury gives you a lot of time to think. Yeah, I fucked up my left side but good. My wrist is in an immobilizer, it hurts to take a breath. The doctors said they couldn't do anything but give me painkillers and order me to bedrest.
No, not a crutch. Not avoidance. I injured myself on Monday and re-injured myself today.
It's hard when you are the recipient of treatment that someone has accused you of dishing out. You reach out to speak to someone and you get slapped down. You reach out for a voice and take back only silence.
The only contact you get is when someone wants to shred you and accuse you of not caring or when someone wants to turn on you, putting you in the middle of the storm, slicing at you while you try to calm the waters. No matter which way you turn, the hand you reach for is nothing but razors slicing into you.
Disappointment and betrayal comes in many forms and in many colours and sounds.
Reaching out to those you thought were your friends and getting silence in response can cut deeper than any words or any physical blows. Silence leaves you to wonder, leaves you to imagine. Silence lets the monsters in your mind paint up the worst scenarios imaginable.
The silence makes the shadows more dangerous and it makes you feel more alone. You get paranoid and when other friends are not there or are silent, you imagine the worst, making yourself ill, inadvertantly pushing the real friends away.