(no subject)
I don't really think that I actually care about death. At this point, it wouldn't matter to me if I even died tomorrow. But at the same time, I'm not going to go seek death out and kill myself. I already feel like I've felt death so many times in my life. I've felt like I died, died inside, felt physical pain. Nothing can be worse than dying over and over but not staying dead. You know sometimes emotional pain gets so great that it becomes physical. Maybe it has something to do with the way the mind works. That it makes pain feel physical. I guess thats why people can get really sick and even possibly die from emotional-pain. Or mental illness.. Nothing is wrong with you physically but mentally and emotionally.. I'm sure it can kill a person. To me, physical pain that comes from emotional pain is a thousand times worse than any possible amount of actual physical torture. Emotional torture.. is far worse than physical torture. Anything to do with the mind or a person's emotions is alot stronger than just our physical existence. I'd rather be slowly burned alive, cut up, anything then to feel myself be torn up inside. Emotional scars, scars on the heart, on the mind, are worse then physical scars. Our bodies don't really matter much, our nerves, physical pain. Our mind, our emotions, is what matters. It's what affects us the most and makes us who we are. People that murder other people or physically injure others.. compared to people that emotionally/mentally abuse others, toy with others, hurt others emotionally/mentally.. Who do you think I think of as the more sick fuck? Which type of person do you think I think deserves death more? The type that emotionally and mentally hurts others of course. Since that's far more damaging to a person than killing someone ever is.
Reincarnation.. I wonder. I believe in it. There are alot of people that still have past life memories that they'll clearly experience in their dreams and all that. So I can't help but wonder if emotional scars stay with the soul. There are people still affected by their past life in their current life. That will have certain phobias and what not due to how they died or something they experienced in a past life that left a mark. Maybe even the smallest emotional scars carry over. Might not be as clear as it was in the past life. but still there. I can't help but wonder just how many emotional scars older souls carry, how much pain an older soul has gone through, in different lives. Maybe the people that are naturally more naive, more optimistic are younger souls. Souls that are new or haven't been reincarnated as many times, their souls don't have as many scars yet. Maybe some of the people that choose to give up earlier on, aren't just weak people, maybe they had already experienced alot of hurt in past lives.
Hmm. I don't know why I've gotten to thinking about things like this just now. But I have. Just thinking about alot of things. I have been for a few days now really. Just haven't bothered to make an entry about the things I've been thinking. But I figured I'd do it now. I'm not really talking to anyone at the moment, I'm supposed to be watching anime. But eh.. It's a bit difficult for me to concentrate on the anime right now with the stuff that's on my mind.
The other day I was thinking that maybe it would be better for me if I just didn't believe in things like love. Just believed it to be some silly little chemical thing in the mind that people get worked up over and make it out to be more than it really is. Though that really goes against my personal beliefs in things and the person I am. I couldn't help but think about it though. It makes me wonder. Though if I believe that, it'd also be an insult to my own feelings and it would mean all the pain I've gone through has been meaningless. And I don't think it has. If I were to believe like this though, all my beliefs would have to change. And that won't happen, I simply believe what I believe. Not sure why I believe in the things that I do, I just do. If I did have a change of beliefs, a switch. I would probably just end up completely dead inside. I've died inside many times before but it would be an absolute spiritual death. Since I wouldn't believe in it anymore. Because there would be nothing. It would just mean everything we feel is because of chemicals in our brain, all the thoughts we have, meaningless. All the feelings we feel, meaningless. Everything would simply be meaningless. Everything in life would lose all meaning.
I'm more of a spirtual person than I am religious or scientific. I've always been this way. It's just part of who I am and what I believe. Different people believe different things. I wonder how they live. Someone who is religious, someone who is scientific and someone who is more spiritual. Comparing them all, I wonder how their lives differ. I wonder how they feel in comparison to eachother. It's interesting to think about really.
People are interesting in general. To me at least. I've always been more of an observing type I believe. I think alot, my mind is always racing and I always have so many different thoughts and things running through my mond. I like to observe people, try to understand them, try to figure them out. Different peoples different reactions to things. The different ways they handle certain things. Differences in childhood background and who they are. Their personalities. It's interesting trying to figure out the way a person's mind works. But the mind is an extremely complicated thing. But with my beliefs, I don't think it's all the mind. There are many unknown things in the human mind and it'll likely stay that way. Our soul, our spirits. Sure, our mind pretty much controls us physically. Even emotionally but. I think there's another side to it all, the more spiritual side of things. Our souls, who we are.
I don't think I'd ever want something like immortality. Though I suppose thinking about it, reincarnation. Perhaps we all do live on forever. Maybe our souls don't die. Though. I think perhaps sometimes our souls might choose to die. I'm not really all that sure about death or what happens after death. I don't think about it a whole lot really, I don't worry about it. Perhaps I'm too focused on trying to figure out life and people first. It's impossible to really figure out life or people completely. I enjoy understanding and finding out new things though. The more I think about things, the more different kinds of people I talk to. I would think of immortality as something of both a cure and a blessing. A curse because you can't die, no matter how much you want to. If you don't feel like living anymore, you have to continue on. You may meet new people and then watch so many people die that you care about. Though perhaps after so much death you'd get used to it and just end up numb inside. Then, even if you're all alone and the last person on earth, you still have to sit there. Nothing to do. Even if there's just absolute nothingness, if you're immortal, it means you just keep going. I wonder what a person would do in a space of absolute nothingness but still there. I wonder what it would feel like, I wonder how the time would feel. I would think it'd all be unbearable but even if it was unbearable, what could you possibly do about it? Maybe just endless suffering and struggling. I would also think of it as blessing though because you could see the earth change, the people change. Things are always changing all the time. It's interesting to imagine how much things could change over time. I mean thinking about our history, all that's happened, things have changed and people have changed. All because of a number of things. Like new discoveries in technology, religious changes, things like that. It changes who the people are.
I don't know if someone can be just plain mature. People are changing and maturing all the time. I think of myself as a rather mature person but just like everyone else, I'm still growing, still maturing. I still learn new things, discover new things. It's the same for everyone. just because a person has matured some doesn't mean that they were ever immature. Since we all keep maturing, different ways, different things. We gain new experiences, new knowledge. We meet new people, try new things. We're all continuing to grow. The human race evolves and changes. It's probably endless.
I'm always thinking about things like this, I don't really know why. I've explained before what I used to think about alot when I was younger. When I was younger I would always try to imagine just absolute nothingness, things disappearing. What "life" would be like without, life. Just complicated things like that. Still always interesting things to imagine though.
I've said there's alot in the human mind that people don't understand and don't access. I wonder just how much is there. How much we could possibly be capable of overtime. How much it would help us evolve. THough there's no telling if we'll ever reach the absolute evolution. Knowing us humans, we'll likely kill ourselves off long before then. Humans natural obsession with selfishness, war, things of that sort. Killing eachother. There's really no reason that it should happen but it does. Though like I said, maybe without the world, without our bodies, our souls would continue on. Maybe to develop into a new existance. Maybe once we've killed ourselves off, we'll start all over and try again. Maybe a new earth, planet, universe. Whatever. Or maybe we'd just try to develop another existence. I mean we have animals, plants, humans, all forms of life. I believe there's other existance out in the vast universe too. Probably a neverending universe that are minds aren't possibly even capable of even imagining at this point.
I believe in special abilities. I believe in our aura's, seeing our souls. The feelings I get about other people I'm sure are vibrations of that person's soul that I feel. Our dreams, in our sleep, we can access things. Memories, hidden things. We can even sometimes predict things in our dreams. I'm sure part of the mind we can't understand, is all capable of all of that. We just still haven't evolved that far yet. Not to say that people that have been able to access those things are more evolved beings. But I think you get what I'm saying. There are some people that can naturally see auras but most people have to try and unlock that basically. Children.. are more capable of things really. They're new into the life and haven't been closed by the world yet. I think for a child, it's very important to *encourage* their imagination and things like that. I think most people have experiences weird things when they were little, even if they can barely remember. But I mean, growing up it makes you go "oh, kids just have a wild imagination." You have to wonder, why do they have a wild imagination then? I've talked to alot of people, alot of adults about this kind of thing. They've opened up and told me things, they've agreed and have experienced weird things in their childhood that they simply shrugged off as imagination. Because society stops us from evolving to that point I think. It's not "socially acceptable" to believe in things like that. If you feel something, experience something or even have those "gut feelings." Don't ever just shrug it off as imagination. You're stopping yourself from growing.
I'm a really open person as people have noticed. I mean, I see absolutely no reason to hide anything. I don't see why people should have secrets. I also hate lying to people, even if it's for the person's own good. I don't believe lying is ever the right thing to do. Since for me, I'd prefer the absolute truth over anything else. Some people avoid the truth themselves though and end up in denial over things. But hey, that's the person's choice I guess. People will believe what they want to believe. I think it's bes to just tell people the truth. There's probably a number of reasons as to why I'm so open. Maybe. I'm sure that one of the reasons is because I want other people to be open too. I want people to open up to me. Have you ever noticed that it's alot easier to open up to someone who is open themself? People that don't often open up to people will alot of times open up to me. I think it's because I'm open myself. I think.. being open is comforting. Talking to a person that is open is alot more comforting then talking to someone being closed and having secrets. I think it's best for people to be open. To do that though, you have to not worry about what other people will think. Probably people know that they don't have to worry about what I'll think so it's easier for them to be open with me. Since there's no need to worry. I feel like I'm a person that can be trusted and maybe others feel the same.
Anywho, I've probably made this entry alot longer than I should have. I'm always thinking about these kind of things though. I just don't always bother to make an entry about them or even talk to anyone about them. Since my mind just races and I tend to jump from subject to subject. It's kind hard to keep focused on one thing long enough to talk about it.
In other news, my blog site thing that I'm making http://www.kyouri.net/ is coming soon. Tim just has to set things up, help me out, make my layout, etc. ^_^
Reincarnation.. I wonder. I believe in it. There are alot of people that still have past life memories that they'll clearly experience in their dreams and all that. So I can't help but wonder if emotional scars stay with the soul. There are people still affected by their past life in their current life. That will have certain phobias and what not due to how they died or something they experienced in a past life that left a mark. Maybe even the smallest emotional scars carry over. Might not be as clear as it was in the past life. but still there. I can't help but wonder just how many emotional scars older souls carry, how much pain an older soul has gone through, in different lives. Maybe the people that are naturally more naive, more optimistic are younger souls. Souls that are new or haven't been reincarnated as many times, their souls don't have as many scars yet. Maybe some of the people that choose to give up earlier on, aren't just weak people, maybe they had already experienced alot of hurt in past lives.
Hmm. I don't know why I've gotten to thinking about things like this just now. But I have. Just thinking about alot of things. I have been for a few days now really. Just haven't bothered to make an entry about the things I've been thinking. But I figured I'd do it now. I'm not really talking to anyone at the moment, I'm supposed to be watching anime. But eh.. It's a bit difficult for me to concentrate on the anime right now with the stuff that's on my mind.
The other day I was thinking that maybe it would be better for me if I just didn't believe in things like love. Just believed it to be some silly little chemical thing in the mind that people get worked up over and make it out to be more than it really is. Though that really goes against my personal beliefs in things and the person I am. I couldn't help but think about it though. It makes me wonder. Though if I believe that, it'd also be an insult to my own feelings and it would mean all the pain I've gone through has been meaningless. And I don't think it has. If I were to believe like this though, all my beliefs would have to change. And that won't happen, I simply believe what I believe. Not sure why I believe in the things that I do, I just do. If I did have a change of beliefs, a switch. I would probably just end up completely dead inside. I've died inside many times before but it would be an absolute spiritual death. Since I wouldn't believe in it anymore. Because there would be nothing. It would just mean everything we feel is because of chemicals in our brain, all the thoughts we have, meaningless. All the feelings we feel, meaningless. Everything would simply be meaningless. Everything in life would lose all meaning.
I'm more of a spirtual person than I am religious or scientific. I've always been this way. It's just part of who I am and what I believe. Different people believe different things. I wonder how they live. Someone who is religious, someone who is scientific and someone who is more spiritual. Comparing them all, I wonder how their lives differ. I wonder how they feel in comparison to eachother. It's interesting to think about really.
People are interesting in general. To me at least. I've always been more of an observing type I believe. I think alot, my mind is always racing and I always have so many different thoughts and things running through my mond. I like to observe people, try to understand them, try to figure them out. Different peoples different reactions to things. The different ways they handle certain things. Differences in childhood background and who they are. Their personalities. It's interesting trying to figure out the way a person's mind works. But the mind is an extremely complicated thing. But with my beliefs, I don't think it's all the mind. There are many unknown things in the human mind and it'll likely stay that way. Our soul, our spirits. Sure, our mind pretty much controls us physically. Even emotionally but. I think there's another side to it all, the more spiritual side of things. Our souls, who we are.
I don't think I'd ever want something like immortality. Though I suppose thinking about it, reincarnation. Perhaps we all do live on forever. Maybe our souls don't die. Though. I think perhaps sometimes our souls might choose to die. I'm not really all that sure about death or what happens after death. I don't think about it a whole lot really, I don't worry about it. Perhaps I'm too focused on trying to figure out life and people first. It's impossible to really figure out life or people completely. I enjoy understanding and finding out new things though. The more I think about things, the more different kinds of people I talk to. I would think of immortality as something of both a cure and a blessing. A curse because you can't die, no matter how much you want to. If you don't feel like living anymore, you have to continue on. You may meet new people and then watch so many people die that you care about. Though perhaps after so much death you'd get used to it and just end up numb inside. Then, even if you're all alone and the last person on earth, you still have to sit there. Nothing to do. Even if there's just absolute nothingness, if you're immortal, it means you just keep going. I wonder what a person would do in a space of absolute nothingness but still there. I wonder what it would feel like, I wonder how the time would feel. I would think it'd all be unbearable but even if it was unbearable, what could you possibly do about it? Maybe just endless suffering and struggling. I would also think of it as blessing though because you could see the earth change, the people change. Things are always changing all the time. It's interesting to imagine how much things could change over time. I mean thinking about our history, all that's happened, things have changed and people have changed. All because of a number of things. Like new discoveries in technology, religious changes, things like that. It changes who the people are.
I don't know if someone can be just plain mature. People are changing and maturing all the time. I think of myself as a rather mature person but just like everyone else, I'm still growing, still maturing. I still learn new things, discover new things. It's the same for everyone. just because a person has matured some doesn't mean that they were ever immature. Since we all keep maturing, different ways, different things. We gain new experiences, new knowledge. We meet new people, try new things. We're all continuing to grow. The human race evolves and changes. It's probably endless.
I'm always thinking about things like this, I don't really know why. I've explained before what I used to think about alot when I was younger. When I was younger I would always try to imagine just absolute nothingness, things disappearing. What "life" would be like without, life. Just complicated things like that. Still always interesting things to imagine though.
I've said there's alot in the human mind that people don't understand and don't access. I wonder just how much is there. How much we could possibly be capable of overtime. How much it would help us evolve. THough there's no telling if we'll ever reach the absolute evolution. Knowing us humans, we'll likely kill ourselves off long before then. Humans natural obsession with selfishness, war, things of that sort. Killing eachother. There's really no reason that it should happen but it does. Though like I said, maybe without the world, without our bodies, our souls would continue on. Maybe to develop into a new existance. Maybe once we've killed ourselves off, we'll start all over and try again. Maybe a new earth, planet, universe. Whatever. Or maybe we'd just try to develop another existence. I mean we have animals, plants, humans, all forms of life. I believe there's other existance out in the vast universe too. Probably a neverending universe that are minds aren't possibly even capable of even imagining at this point.
I believe in special abilities. I believe in our aura's, seeing our souls. The feelings I get about other people I'm sure are vibrations of that person's soul that I feel. Our dreams, in our sleep, we can access things. Memories, hidden things. We can even sometimes predict things in our dreams. I'm sure part of the mind we can't understand, is all capable of all of that. We just still haven't evolved that far yet. Not to say that people that have been able to access those things are more evolved beings. But I think you get what I'm saying. There are some people that can naturally see auras but most people have to try and unlock that basically. Children.. are more capable of things really. They're new into the life and haven't been closed by the world yet. I think for a child, it's very important to *encourage* their imagination and things like that. I think most people have experiences weird things when they were little, even if they can barely remember. But I mean, growing up it makes you go "oh, kids just have a wild imagination." You have to wonder, why do they have a wild imagination then? I've talked to alot of people, alot of adults about this kind of thing. They've opened up and told me things, they've agreed and have experienced weird things in their childhood that they simply shrugged off as imagination. Because society stops us from evolving to that point I think. It's not "socially acceptable" to believe in things like that. If you feel something, experience something or even have those "gut feelings." Don't ever just shrug it off as imagination. You're stopping yourself from growing.
I'm a really open person as people have noticed. I mean, I see absolutely no reason to hide anything. I don't see why people should have secrets. I also hate lying to people, even if it's for the person's own good. I don't believe lying is ever the right thing to do. Since for me, I'd prefer the absolute truth over anything else. Some people avoid the truth themselves though and end up in denial over things. But hey, that's the person's choice I guess. People will believe what they want to believe. I think it's bes to just tell people the truth. There's probably a number of reasons as to why I'm so open. Maybe. I'm sure that one of the reasons is because I want other people to be open too. I want people to open up to me. Have you ever noticed that it's alot easier to open up to someone who is open themself? People that don't often open up to people will alot of times open up to me. I think it's because I'm open myself. I think.. being open is comforting. Talking to a person that is open is alot more comforting then talking to someone being closed and having secrets. I think it's best for people to be open. To do that though, you have to not worry about what other people will think. Probably people know that they don't have to worry about what I'll think so it's easier for them to be open with me. Since there's no need to worry. I feel like I'm a person that can be trusted and maybe others feel the same.
Anywho, I've probably made this entry alot longer than I should have. I'm always thinking about these kind of things though. I just don't always bother to make an entry about them or even talk to anyone about them. Since my mind just races and I tend to jump from subject to subject. It's kind hard to keep focused on one thing long enough to talk about it.
In other news, my blog site thing that I'm making http://www.kyouri.net/ is coming soon. Tim just has to set things up, help me out, make my layout, etc. ^_^