(no subject)
I have to start this journal with the exact same line I start all my journals with; I have many, many online journals. None of them are the same. None of them are the complete truth. But all of them are very much me. I fail to be me every day of my life, so my true self survives through petty and tedious writings in a little journal I pretend to care about.
Today I was thinking about me, which isn't really a surprise since I can tend to be an attention whore and an over all selfish person... but who isn't? Don't lie to yourself, you know you think about you. I was thinking about how many of me there are. There are a lot of people in my life. Seven teachers, four best friends, seventy-four people on my buddy list, 18 friends at school, two parents, one step parent, four grandparents, eight aunts... in each and every one of these people's minds, there is a different me, because everyone is different... so they all see me as a different person. So I exist in... how many different forms? Over one hundred eighteen different forms, each one slightly different. But then there's the me that exists inside of me. And, unlike so many others, I do not strive to be that me. I strive to be the many different existences of me out there, to be one me, and I am. I am exactly who I want to be, and that makes me stronger.
"It didn’t matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn’t heard us calling, still do not hear us calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together."
Today I was thinking about me, which isn't really a surprise since I can tend to be an attention whore and an over all selfish person... but who isn't? Don't lie to yourself, you know you think about you. I was thinking about how many of me there are. There are a lot of people in my life. Seven teachers, four best friends, seventy-four people on my buddy list, 18 friends at school, two parents, one step parent, four grandparents, eight aunts... in each and every one of these people's minds, there is a different me, because everyone is different... so they all see me as a different person. So I exist in... how many different forms? Over one hundred eighteen different forms, each one slightly different. But then there's the me that exists inside of me. And, unlike so many others, I do not strive to be that me. I strive to be the many different existences of me out there, to be one me, and I am. I am exactly who I want to be, and that makes me stronger.
"It didn’t matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn’t heard us calling, still do not hear us calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together."