Bandwagon
This week I fell off the bandwagon and did the unthinkable...
There was a cigarette in my mouth this morning. I feel irritable, jittery and sick now because of it. I can't sleep properly and haven't for the past few days and that's gotta end.
Strange thing is I don't crave the nicotine (or at least not yet) but the act of smoking is something that strangely felt appealing during this long, winter dulldrum. I'm cursing myself for being weak and going thru with the act, and I'm beating myself up inside for being clean for 9 long months only for it to come to this. I think it also has to do with the stress of constantly looking for a better job and having the type of luck of nearly getting a better job .... but not quite.
So to my friends, smack me in the back of the head if I ask for a smoke. My heart can't take the nicotine and I really should know better and find better ways to deal with stress. By far this is not the proper way to deal with stress and boredum, and it certainly is no excuse for being a douch-bag to friends or being a techno-typing-jerk.
*sigh*
There was a cigarette in my mouth this morning. I feel irritable, jittery and sick now because of it. I can't sleep properly and haven't for the past few days and that's gotta end.
Strange thing is I don't crave the nicotine (or at least not yet) but the act of smoking is something that strangely felt appealing during this long, winter dulldrum. I'm cursing myself for being weak and going thru with the act, and I'm beating myself up inside for being clean for 9 long months only for it to come to this. I think it also has to do with the stress of constantly looking for a better job and having the type of luck of nearly getting a better job .... but not quite.
So to my friends, smack me in the back of the head if I ask for a smoke. My heart can't take the nicotine and I really should know better and find better ways to deal with stress. By far this is not the proper way to deal with stress and boredum, and it certainly is no excuse for being a douch-bag to friends or being a techno-typing-jerk.
*sigh*