One step closer...
I waste away a little more each passing hour. The words of the ones who have scared me still haunt me to this day. A few have mended the wounds they have created and for that, I am thankful. There is but one left that is keeping me from healing. One that still gashes open those wounds. It is her that makes me keep slipping into these moods. The one that has cut deeper than any other ever has - Irina.
I loved her... I loved all the women that have done this to me. Love is the reason why I hurt so badly when they mistreated me. Love is the reason why I've had to cry myself to sleep for weeks. Maybe she just needs time... or maybe she'll be too stubborn to just admit it and apologize for what she's done. But I need that.
When a certain someone finally has given what I always subconsciously wanted to hear... I've never felt so calm before. I never realized how much I needed to hear those words, those two, simple words, "I'm sorry..." You will never know exactly how much those words have helped me.
I am still me, I'm nowhere near the depressed, lonely, broken man I was for so many months. No, I am almost who I once was. I am almost Christopher again.
In the time I have spent trying to heal myself, so many people have come into my life and have grown closer to me as more than just friends but truly loved ones. Not that romantic love, not that "I can't live without you" love... Just love. Ones I hold close to my heart forever and will do anything for them to see them smile. And it is to those people that I extend a very large thank you. For without you people in my life, I don't know what I would have done when I had lost all hope. You don't know how much you all mean to me and how much I wish I could repay the favor to you all.
But, until I can finally mend my soul from this pain that still lingers... I don't know how much I can be there for you without breaking down myself. I will try, do not be afraid to ask. But forgive me if I tell you I cannot take anymore more at the time.
Irina... I know one day in the future you will see, if you have not already, what you have done to me and continue to do. My only wish is for you to just, for once, tell me you were sorry... Is that so hard to ask? Is it so wrong to want someone to say they are sorry for hurting you... so badly... intentionally...?! You told me so many times to move on, that I can find better, that you have no idea what is holding me back from just moving on from you... The only thing holding me back... is you.
I have someone waiting... Someone who has always been waiting for me. She has been there for so many years and I just never saw what was in front of me this whole time... But I will not put myself in that position just yet and she understands...and continues to wait so patiently, still giving me the love and support she always has and, I pray, always will. Give me time to heal... and I promise you I can give you what you deserve as well.
There are people out there who want nothing more than to give all their love to someone special... and to recieve all of someone else's love as well. I've finally found that which I am looking for. I pray that it will still be there when I finish battling the demons that still haunt me... and can love myself again...
I loved her... I loved all the women that have done this to me. Love is the reason why I hurt so badly when they mistreated me. Love is the reason why I've had to cry myself to sleep for weeks. Maybe she just needs time... or maybe she'll be too stubborn to just admit it and apologize for what she's done. But I need that.
When a certain someone finally has given what I always subconsciously wanted to hear... I've never felt so calm before. I never realized how much I needed to hear those words, those two, simple words, "I'm sorry..." You will never know exactly how much those words have helped me.
I am still me, I'm nowhere near the depressed, lonely, broken man I was for so many months. No, I am almost who I once was. I am almost Christopher again.
In the time I have spent trying to heal myself, so many people have come into my life and have grown closer to me as more than just friends but truly loved ones. Not that romantic love, not that "I can't live without you" love... Just love. Ones I hold close to my heart forever and will do anything for them to see them smile. And it is to those people that I extend a very large thank you. For without you people in my life, I don't know what I would have done when I had lost all hope. You don't know how much you all mean to me and how much I wish I could repay the favor to you all.
But, until I can finally mend my soul from this pain that still lingers... I don't know how much I can be there for you without breaking down myself. I will try, do not be afraid to ask. But forgive me if I tell you I cannot take anymore more at the time.
Irina... I know one day in the future you will see, if you have not already, what you have done to me and continue to do. My only wish is for you to just, for once, tell me you were sorry... Is that so hard to ask? Is it so wrong to want someone to say they are sorry for hurting you... so badly... intentionally...?! You told me so many times to move on, that I can find better, that you have no idea what is holding me back from just moving on from you... The only thing holding me back... is you.
I have someone waiting... Someone who has always been waiting for me. She has been there for so many years and I just never saw what was in front of me this whole time... But I will not put myself in that position just yet and she understands...and continues to wait so patiently, still giving me the love and support she always has and, I pray, always will. Give me time to heal... and I promise you I can give you what you deserve as well.
There are people out there who want nothing more than to give all their love to someone special... and to recieve all of someone else's love as well. I've finally found that which I am looking for. I pray that it will still be there when I finish battling the demons that still haunt me... and can love myself again...