n
This is hard for me to do. *deep breath*
When i can here, life was getting better, The whole reason i left was because i hated some people and needed to run away, but now that has changed, i have changed. I lied about alot in order to hurt poeple, people who hurt me. But ive learned that it was a waste of time. I have such a hard time lieing now, it hurts to try and be somthing that was so hurtful. Ive learned what it is to be the other guy/girl. I wish I could find out what IS going on with Sam, i miss her greatly. Jenn, Ally, JRoss, Sanchez, Lenis the big pe . . .hum . . nevermind. No matter how far away i ran i could run away from my memories. However, they say good things can come from bad, and i think they did. I am now very happy in all ways but one, of course, no life is perfect. The problem is it is the one thing that is most important to me, love. I know now that love is much bigger then my past. I thought i had it, i wish i HAD had it, then i owuld know what to expect. people ouot here only want one thing from me, and im not for that kind of a relationship, ive spent to much time running into things and not trying to take the best rsther then just settleing. I stand for so much more now, it is now about me anymore. Ive had a few experiences that have shown me that im here for someone else. Im not going to find the cure for cancer, but i know that something im going to do in life is going to place the steooing stones for the one who will. Maybe they might need some gas money, or a place to crsh just for the night, who knows, but if I only od whaat I want and what is best for me, they will never be they THEY were ment to be. However, I care alot more abouot the more important things regaurding me then i used to. My health, appearance. Im alot more optimistic then isued to be. I dont get upset anymore. Emotionally and physically, im alot stronger, but there are somethings that cant change, like my need to be around others. I love my apt. but it sucks when im the only one in it. Everything about my life is improving yes, but cana man really overcome lonelyness. Can he forget love and pain alike. I know that im strong, i know that my past sucks, but it is my past, its behind me, no longer going to take control of my life. fear is replaced with assureness. Maybe some day I can show you how lif has changed, but untill then, im afraid that no one will know, i will sill be this little kid that everyone remembers as an ass whole hurting people, and for that im sorry. But im not that, i dont care if you think so or not, it does not matter. Life is only has important as the people who you help. I am only as strong as the amount of love i give, not how much I ask for. I have lots to give, I have a safe home, stable and warm. A feeling I have never felt befor, it can change even the most undiciplined wildcat. You will jst never know, and I hate to do this, but kati, you dont even deserve me telling you that I hate what youve tried to do, and it is not working. Dannyel, I told you that the one thing about me that I cant forget, will never change, I hope that does not scare you away from a friendship. Sanchez, all the power to ya bro, dont let them Sonsabitches hold you down man. Matt, god has finally seen how hard you work, im happy things re working for you. Jess, stop worring about what everyone thinks, yout great in you own way, thats all that matters, dont subside to their lvl. Sam, I wish you could here me, I dont know what is going on, you may want it that way, bt i willalways care. I will come running. Eveeyone back home is one great memory of pain, loss, love, comfort, and knowledge. If i had never met yall, i would never be where am at now, and for that I that all of you. for everthing.
Some day, some day youll all see how wonderful you all are, in yout own ways, but for those who are, "falling short" or missing the point, your shit aint working no more. It is nothing but trueth and optimism now, nothing is going to hurt me and i wont let you hurt my friends and family any loinger, its over.
When i can here, life was getting better, The whole reason i left was because i hated some people and needed to run away, but now that has changed, i have changed. I lied about alot in order to hurt poeple, people who hurt me. But ive learned that it was a waste of time. I have such a hard time lieing now, it hurts to try and be somthing that was so hurtful. Ive learned what it is to be the other guy/girl. I wish I could find out what IS going on with Sam, i miss her greatly. Jenn, Ally, JRoss, Sanchez, Lenis the big pe . . .hum . . nevermind. No matter how far away i ran i could run away from my memories. However, they say good things can come from bad, and i think they did. I am now very happy in all ways but one, of course, no life is perfect. The problem is it is the one thing that is most important to me, love. I know now that love is much bigger then my past. I thought i had it, i wish i HAD had it, then i owuld know what to expect. people ouot here only want one thing from me, and im not for that kind of a relationship, ive spent to much time running into things and not trying to take the best rsther then just settleing. I stand for so much more now, it is now about me anymore. Ive had a few experiences that have shown me that im here for someone else. Im not going to find the cure for cancer, but i know that something im going to do in life is going to place the steooing stones for the one who will. Maybe they might need some gas money, or a place to crsh just for the night, who knows, but if I only od whaat I want and what is best for me, they will never be they THEY were ment to be. However, I care alot more abouot the more important things regaurding me then i used to. My health, appearance. Im alot more optimistic then isued to be. I dont get upset anymore. Emotionally and physically, im alot stronger, but there are somethings that cant change, like my need to be around others. I love my apt. but it sucks when im the only one in it. Everything about my life is improving yes, but cana man really overcome lonelyness. Can he forget love and pain alike. I know that im strong, i know that my past sucks, but it is my past, its behind me, no longer going to take control of my life. fear is replaced with assureness. Maybe some day I can show you how lif has changed, but untill then, im afraid that no one will know, i will sill be this little kid that everyone remembers as an ass whole hurting people, and for that im sorry. But im not that, i dont care if you think so or not, it does not matter. Life is only has important as the people who you help. I am only as strong as the amount of love i give, not how much I ask for. I have lots to give, I have a safe home, stable and warm. A feeling I have never felt befor, it can change even the most undiciplined wildcat. You will jst never know, and I hate to do this, but kati, you dont even deserve me telling you that I hate what youve tried to do, and it is not working. Dannyel, I told you that the one thing about me that I cant forget, will never change, I hope that does not scare you away from a friendship. Sanchez, all the power to ya bro, dont let them Sonsabitches hold you down man. Matt, god has finally seen how hard you work, im happy things re working for you. Jess, stop worring about what everyone thinks, yout great in you own way, thats all that matters, dont subside to their lvl. Sam, I wish you could here me, I dont know what is going on, you may want it that way, bt i willalways care. I will come running. Eveeyone back home is one great memory of pain, loss, love, comfort, and knowledge. If i had never met yall, i would never be where am at now, and for that I that all of you. for everthing.
Some day, some day youll all see how wonderful you all are, in yout own ways, but for those who are, "falling short" or missing the point, your shit aint working no more. It is nothing but trueth and optimism now, nothing is going to hurt me and i wont let you hurt my friends and family any loinger, its over.