Past Day 2006
Happy Past Day, everyone.
This is an important Past Day for me, since it comes just before I turn twenty-five, and as everyone knows, I love round numbers. It's also five years after I turned twenty, and twenty has always been my favorite number (but ironically was one of the lowest years of my life). For that reason, I'm going to be reflecting on the last five years of my life instead of just the last year today.
At this point five years ago, I was at a major turning point in my life. I'd finished high school but not yet started college. I was just a few months away from moving into the first Shanty. I'd already been dumped, but hadn't yet gone crazy from it. I hadn't yet spent any of my education trust fund except for a single hundred dollar deposit. And I was mere weeks away from going to North Carolina for my first Writer's Camp.
At that point, my life could have gone pretty much any direction, but almost immediately things started going slightly sideways. I went to college for something that, in hindsight, was rather silly (and spent a lot of money doing it), and then spent a year (and a lot more money) sitting around the house playing video games instead of looking for work in an industry that hadn't just crashed. I took my high school love interest drifting out of my life very poorly. I moved in with friends which, while fun, turned out to be financially ruinous. I learned how wonderful sleeping from midnight until eight every day can make you feel, then ruined my ability to sleep soundly by working at Future Shop for a year and a half. I spent too much of my time and effort making the warehouse perfect and making the tourists happy, and not enough writing or having a life. I made new friends, but they're all scattered now (North Carolina, New Jersey, Alberta, London [Ontario, not England], Australia...), while the friends I had in high school still live in the city (except that one that lives in Montreal), but I don't see them nearly as often any more.
And when I think back on the last five years, I realize how little difference any of it has made. Jobs now ended, money now spent, friends now scattered, houses now empty, story ideas extensively planned and drafted but not ready to be read by others. About the only positive changes I've made since the end of high school are decreasing the amount of time I spend gaming and finding a stable job that supports me without grinding me into a gritty paste (both of which I've only done in the last six months).
I don't mean to sound negative about the last five years - I believe that regretting past choices is a pretty pointless and futile exercise, since it's impossible to change the past. But I do believe in learning from it, and I certainly see room for improvement in the future in some very specific areas.
On the other hand, I've enjoyed a reasonable amount of the last five years (well, three, actually), and would certainly not take any of it back, since changing what was would literally erase who I am today (and I kinda like that fellow). But at the same time, the time has just sort of drifted past without me having much of an impact on it one way or the other.
On the gripping hand, I may not have had much of an impact on the last five years, but the last five years have had a big impact on me. The most noticeable change is that I'm not broken and lost any longer, and I've got my old confidence back again. I've had lots of fun adventures and learned lots of new things. I've watched good movies and heard good music and read good books and seen good TV shows (on DVD, of course). I might not have spent the time doing much, but I've never stopped my ongoing task of learning at least a little bit about as many topics as I possibly can.
This is an important Past Day for me, since it comes just before I turn twenty-five, and as everyone knows, I love round numbers. It's also five years after I turned twenty, and twenty has always been my favorite number (but ironically was one of the lowest years of my life). For that reason, I'm going to be reflecting on the last five years of my life instead of just the last year today.
At this point five years ago, I was at a major turning point in my life. I'd finished high school but not yet started college. I was just a few months away from moving into the first Shanty. I'd already been dumped, but hadn't yet gone crazy from it. I hadn't yet spent any of my education trust fund except for a single hundred dollar deposit. And I was mere weeks away from going to North Carolina for my first Writer's Camp.
At that point, my life could have gone pretty much any direction, but almost immediately things started going slightly sideways. I went to college for something that, in hindsight, was rather silly (and spent a lot of money doing it), and then spent a year (and a lot more money) sitting around the house playing video games instead of looking for work in an industry that hadn't just crashed. I took my high school love interest drifting out of my life very poorly. I moved in with friends which, while fun, turned out to be financially ruinous. I learned how wonderful sleeping from midnight until eight every day can make you feel, then ruined my ability to sleep soundly by working at Future Shop for a year and a half. I spent too much of my time and effort making the warehouse perfect and making the tourists happy, and not enough writing or having a life. I made new friends, but they're all scattered now (North Carolina, New Jersey, Alberta, London [Ontario, not England], Australia...), while the friends I had in high school still live in the city (except that one that lives in Montreal), but I don't see them nearly as often any more.
And when I think back on the last five years, I realize how little difference any of it has made. Jobs now ended, money now spent, friends now scattered, houses now empty, story ideas extensively planned and drafted but not ready to be read by others. About the only positive changes I've made since the end of high school are decreasing the amount of time I spend gaming and finding a stable job that supports me without grinding me into a gritty paste (both of which I've only done in the last six months).
I don't mean to sound negative about the last five years - I believe that regretting past choices is a pretty pointless and futile exercise, since it's impossible to change the past. But I do believe in learning from it, and I certainly see room for improvement in the future in some very specific areas.
On the other hand, I've enjoyed a reasonable amount of the last five years (well, three, actually), and would certainly not take any of it back, since changing what was would literally erase who I am today (and I kinda like that fellow). But at the same time, the time has just sort of drifted past without me having much of an impact on it one way or the other.
On the gripping hand, I may not have had much of an impact on the last five years, but the last five years have had a big impact on me. The most noticeable change is that I'm not broken and lost any longer, and I've got my old confidence back again. I've had lots of fun adventures and learned lots of new things. I've watched good movies and heard good music and read good books and seen good TV shows (on DVD, of course). I might not have spent the time doing much, but I've never stopped my ongoing task of learning at least a little bit about as many topics as I possibly can.