(no subject)
I am so angry right now... why? I don't even know... well I guess I do know, but I am seriously ashamed of it. I want to eat something bad for me because I'm starting this cleanse thing tomorrow. While on the clean I have to follow a really strict diet thing for nine days, then behave for the most part after. Jason has been laying into me saying that I need to learn how to make things at home, and feeding into the fact that I have a hard time with my self-image. I can't help it though. I get so angry when he tells me no, its like I have to rebel against him, why do I do that? It makes me so angry when he makes choices for me, especially when I should have my own set rules of moral reasoning.
I guess I need to face the facts, I am an over eater, and it frustrates me. I get so emotional, then I want to eat. Its not the right thing to do, I know, but it seems to be the only thing I know. I just ate a bowl of rice, sulking and pouting about it. I'm such a child.
I think I need to put myself through a counseling session and do some serious confronting, I think I need it.
I got the job at the YMCA, I am going to be a camp counselor for children who are developmentally delayed. I'm super excited and I'm glad that I made it through the lengthly process, really it took a long time. It doesn't pay much and doesn't start until the end of June, but I'm still excited regardless. I will also have a free YMCA membership to the Y as a complimentary thing for being an employee. I guess I don't really need it considering I am a member at another gym, but its there if I do want to use it. I wouldn't mind seeing what they are asking for personal trainer sessions... I would love to have someone to work with, the other place was too costly, and I also didn't want that douche bag guy getting ANY money from me, he can rot in the depths of hell.