Fic-We Know Not What We Do-Part 6: Living

[korenap]

Title: Trust Book 1: We Know Not What We Do
Author: korenap
Fandom: Battlestar Galatica
Pairings Gina Inviere/Erin Mathias with Gina/Cain, Athena/Starbuck, het subtext Adama/Roslin
Rating: Mature
6,740 of 43,000
Warnings: Gina is alive, but did experience rape and torture, there are confrontations with a rapist and non-graphic flashbacks. Mature themes, Sex, Violence, Major character death
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I get nothing but comments ...if I'm lucky.
Previous Chapters:Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

Part Six: Living






Part Six: Living

Chapter 19

Erin put her hand in the small of Gina's back to steer her away from the brig. "We need to stop by my rack."

Gina eyed her suspiciously. "I thought you just came from your rack."

Erin clutched her chest, feigning injury. "Are you saying you don't want to come home with me?"

Hooking her fingers into the waist of Erin's pants, Gina tugged. "You, yes, the rest of the unit, not so much."

"Give them a break. They have your back despite how much effort you put into breaking theirs." Erin grinned. "Though the shock of you being pleasant might paralyze them like it did Ishay."

Gina began to work her way under Erin's shirt rather than confirm or deny her intent.
"Promise you'll be nice, Gina."

"How nice?"

"No flying objects, body parts, or word daggers." Erin got out before her breath caught when Gina's fingers found skin.

Hopeful for a loophole Gina stroked and pleaded. "Darts?"

Erin pulled Gina's hand out from under her clothes. "No!" Ushering them into the barracks, she closed the hatch, leaving the on-duty marines outside.

"Nobody's here." Gina said accusingly as she removed her glasses and hat.

"Sneaking your girlfriend into your room when nobody's home is a time honored tradition." Erin informed her.

Gina's head tilted down as her eyebrows raised. "Are we going to get in trouble if we get caught?"

Erin stood at parade rest. "Fortunately I intimidate my siblings. Dad of course has a vague idea of what's going on, but we keep him from seeing what he really doesn't want to know."

Gina folded her good arm across her casted one. "That means yes, right?"

"Don't worry, even if I'm grounded I still get to go to school, and I'm sure the Old Man won't call your parents." Erin pointed to her bunk, covered by a very old, very non military quilt, and her locker. "This is home. Since you can't fit in the locker, you can have a seat in the rack. Unless you don't trust my intentions, then you can sit in the living room." She gestured to the table centered between the racks.

Gina explored the room pretending to contemplate where she should sit. She ran her hand along the outside of the locker, then glanced at Erin as her fingers found the latch.

"Go ahead, you can look." Erin moved to the rack and began unlacing her boots.

Gina opened the door as if expecting something to jump out at her. Something did. She was eye level with a service revolver. "We need to work on how trusting you are."

"I'm falling in love with you, so If I can't trust you, I'm screwed anyway." Erin shrugged. "Besides, it would be smarter for you to break my neck." She reached in her pocket and let a clip dangle from her fingertips. "Especially since it isn't loaded."

Gina gave her a scathing look.

Erin grinned. "And please don't destroy my image of you by saying you need two hands to snap it."

"Your neck's scrawny enough to break with one." Gina picked up the gun and tossed it to her. "You better take that. You'd be amazed by what I can do with an unloaded gun." Gina smiled widely before returning her attention to the locker. She touched the head of a ceramic figure, it bobbled. "I guess wanting to get me a doll is more forgivable if you have this."

"It was for my wife, kind of a running joke."

Gina looked at Erin. There was sadness in her eyes, but it was mitigated by the genuine smile on her lips.

Erin grabbed a water bottle from a stash in her rack. "Go ahead, keep looking, I know you want to."

There was a bottle of amber alcohol that was dusty, music cassettes that weren't, and a player with headphones. Hanging was a bright multi colored button down shirt with tropical flowers that Gina could not imagine the gunny in, and earth toned shirts she could. Erin was wearing her grey pants and blue shirt, stripped with maroon and ochre. Faded jeans, frayed shorts, sweats, uniforms, a towel, toiletries and paint splattered sneakers completed the gunny's worldly possessions housed within.

Gina turned to the inside of the door and saw her reflection. She used to look soft, sophisticated, almost delicate... kind. She used to be kind. The woman staring back at her wasn't. She looked older and hard, with pain lined eyes and a set unsmiling jaw... she always used to smile. Her mouth dropped open; she looked younger. Unsettled, she watched her expression change: shocked, cynical, disheartened, remorseful. She didn't remember seeing any of them before. She needed to look elsewhere.

She focused on the photos running down the side of the mirror and touched the face of the laughing flame haired man with the graying beard. "Your father, the machinist?"

"Ernin the ermine lined, forever waiting to retire so he could let his beard grow longer. The whiskey in there was for him. I drink a shot on his birthday." Erin informed her in neutral tones.

Five men, ranging from young adult to almost Erin's age smiled at her. Gina studied the brothers before attempting to match names with faces. "Aoidh?" She looked at Erin for confirmation. "Declan? Callum? Ronan and Eoghan." She knew them.

Next a much older photo of a woman who looked like a blonde blue eyed Erin, minus any trace of severity. "Your mother looks the same age as you." Gina spoke with wonder.

Erin tried not to laugh at Gina's reaction. There were so many odd little things Gina didn't get. "Just about, I'm thirty-five. She was thirty-six when she died."

"And you became a grunt instead of going to officer's training." Gina spoke like she was discovering something never imagined, despite the stories Erin had told her.

"I was young and dumb. The service will either pay for school or just pay you. I wanted to help my Dad with the boy brood and put some money in the family pot."

Gina noted an undercurrent in Erin's voice. She turned to look at her, but stopped short of asking a question.
Erin answered her anyway. "We lived near a base. I believed them when they promised I'd be stationed there." She didn't try to hide the betrayal she still felt.

"Not that I can imagine you as anything else, but why didn't you quit?" Gina couldn't understand how humans could commit themselves without belief, especially someone as forthright as Erin.

"The pay was more than I'd get doing anything else back home." Erin laughed. "Of course it would have been better if I hadn't let my anger keep me from being promoted."

Gina gaped. "I've never seen you angry."

Erin raised her eyebrows.

Gina amended her claim. "Well, not uncontrollably angry...despite my best efforts."

"I was." Erin assured her. "When your mum is killed you get angry; when the Fleet screws with you, you get angrier. When they start docking your pay, you learn to control it. When you meet someone and fall in love, you forget about it. When she makes it clear she'll only spend her life with you, if you work through it; you do."

"Is that a hint?" Gina asked wryly.

Erin smiled. "My scrawny neck says yes."

Gina laughed, but it came out hollow.

"Anger and frustration don't just go away, Gina. Especially around here. We'll find a way for you to vent that doesn't involve marines and Cottle's medics. I promise." Gina tried to dispel her lingering doubt.

Again Erin responded to her body language. "Six, you've handled everything that's been thrown at you the last few days. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I'm worried and you should be too." Gina looked at her. Erin always challenged her to say what was on her mind by remaining silent. "I need to feel safe, Erin. I always thought of myself as being protective, but we, Sixes, are just plane ruthless when we believe in something. Always the first in and the last out of a fight. If you don't want anyone to wind up dead, you should keep that gun handy. Me caring about people only makes it more likely I'll get into a fight. And it's not like I don't get angry with you."

"Anyone can lose it, Gina. After the way you stood down in the briefing room, I trust you, I really do. You won't intentionally hurt me. I'll do whatever it takes to help you deal with everyone else."

Gina wasn't sure she deserved trust, but she wanted to be what Erin needed. She looked at the most prominently displayed photo, a woman with large brown eyes and curly black hair, smiling with an ease Gina never had. Her voice came out barely above a whisper. "You never told me your wife's name."

"Marina. She ran the shelter and rec center for teens I volunteered at. I went to distract myself from not being able to make it home. It practically became my home. The paint on those sneakers is from working on a mural with the kids."

Gina saw no pictures of children. "You didn't have children of your own?"

"Children need to be loved, not owned." Erin snapped the automatic response and Gina froze. "Sorry. Sore spot. We got a lot of pressure to have kids, especially from Marina's family. She used to say if you can't love someone else's children, you shouldn't have your own; and if you do, you don't need to. We offered love and acceptance to kids who never got enough of it. We had all the children we could want."

Gina stood stunned. Millions of children murdered for not being theirs. Erin had just proclaimed every Cylon an unfit parent. Gina choked out a question to distract herself. "You don't have pictures of them?"

Erin drew a leg up and leaned back against the wall. She intentionally ignored the distress Gina failed to hide, in favor of answering her question. "It was too painful. I wasn't as close to them as Marina, but knowing they're all dead was too much for me to face everyday. They're on the memorial wall."

Gina sat, bookending Erin position. "You told me stories about mentoring, but you hardly ever talked about your wife."

"No, I didn't." Erin sat motionless. "At first not talking about Marina kept me from hating you." She glanced at the picture of her wife. "Then I think it kept me from feeling like I was betraying her."

"You don't feel like your betraying her now?"

Erin shook her head. "If she'd survived without me, I'd have wanted her to find someone who loves her as much as I do. As much as I think I can love you."

"I still don't get why." Gina remembered convincing herself that Baltar loved her, it was so easy in the bubble of being a prisoner. "I can understand you wanting me, but....I'm not sure I can be who you need me to be."

"I want you to be yourself, Gina...Six, the person whose been my friend, listened to my stories, given me advice." Erin sounded as exasperated as Gina felt and she kept her eyes averted, as she struggled with what to say. "I want to be your lover because of how I feel, not the other way around. I don't want some fantasy frak. I don't want to frak at all if your trying to be what you think I want."

"I'm not..." Gina started, but then stopped. She wasn't really sure. "I'm attracted to you, I don't care why, this," Gina motioned between them, "is all I've got. And it was enough to get me to come back. I want there to someone in my life I never betrayed; whose heart I didn't knowingly tear out." Gina hated to think of Helena, but she couldn't ignore the similarities between the stoic women. She took a moment to be thankful for their differences. "You've shown me how to get angry, but not lash out. How to protect without killing or even fighting. You always react to what others need, but you don't ignore one value to defend another. I want to do that, I need to do that, for myself. There are things I never want to compartmentalize again."

Sorrow replaced the anger in Erin's eyes. "I've watched you play to or against what people want, but I've felt an honesty between us. I thought what's happening between us was wrong because your my prisoner. But we're all prisoners. The biggest difference from before is that we've all lost so much, that it's so much clearer how easy it is to lose everything. Do you get that we all feel as trapped as you, and are just as desperate to have something untainted in our lives?"

Gina voiced her biggest fear. "And I'm a walking blight. Do you really think the others can stop hating me enough to let us be together?"

"If they don't see tension between us, and you treat people with respect, most'll will come around." Erin took a long drag from her water bottle. "This is about more than us. We all need to make peace with the past. You told me we couldn't win against the the cylon fleet. You were right. We need as many of you to respect our right to live by our own rules as we can get."

"You think being lovers will bring some kind of peace, are you forgetting about New Caprica? Baltar and my sister were lovers!" No amount of security could have kept Gina from learning the scope of the disaster that was New Caprica. The entire unit had been rocked by what they witnessed on the ground and the human death toll.

"Everyone wants to feel free. Everyone needs structure. We fight because no one feels free or agrees on the best structure. We fight hardest when we have too much or too little. Always have. Right now Cylons have too much and the fleet has too little. We need to respect each other. You and I do it, there's a chance for something other than a fight to extinction."

"And what, peace will be declared and we'll live happily ever after?" Gina responded quickly, though her mind did accept what Erin was saying.

"Peace isn't something you can declare, it's something you work at, like any relationship. Ours is going to be hard. There is so much about you that I don't know, that I've stopped myself from asking. And I had a wife and a life you barely know anything about. Marina was the philosopher, not me."

"So you think if we jump over all the lines we drew to become friends, we can stand up to everyone as lovers? That won't keep us us safe, Mathias." Even as she argued, Gina felt closer to Erin which confused her while tripping switches in the back of her mind. Within a model, disagreement had been rare; disagreements between different models were considered disruptive. The inherent skills and weaknesses of each line within each model was accepted without question, leaving almost every task divided according to unquestioned expertise. After all attempts at producing children failed, what to do about humans and the colonies was one of the few things they had to debate.

"It's not about safety, but trusting who has your back. We can't hide big parts of ourselves and trust each other. Things we haven't talked about will come back and bite us in the ass."

Talking about the horror of being tortured was much easier than the conversation Erin wanted about what she had chosen to do and why. "Knowing secrets also makes it easier to hurt each other."

"That's why it's called trust Gina. There is so much about your past that I would love not to have to think about, but you still should be able to talk to me about it. And I need to be able to talk about Marina. I can't pretend she was anything but the person I loved most. If we're too scared to face the past, we're screwed."

Gina flinched when Erin mentioned her wife. Gina couldn't quite make sense of the reaction. Sixes were programmed to be the most non discriminating of all the cylons when it came to taking lovers. Not lustful so much as experimental: craving experience, fascinated by difference. She was baffled. The closest she had come to what she now felt, was the anger that had coursed through her when Helena refused to stop being Admiral Cain long enough for them to frak each other senseless. But Erin was there for her, more than anyone else ever had been. Why was she angry?

Erin leaned forward. "Gina, are you alright?"

The only explanation Gina could find went against everything Sixes believed of themselves. "I can't tell whether I want to know everything about Marina or tell you to shut up...I think I'm jealous."

Erin couldn't keep a laugh of disbelief from escaping. "This would be that ass bite I was referring to."

Gina took a deep breath. She wanted Erin.She wanted to know Erin. And she knew she owed Erin if not everyone in the fleet an explanation if they were willing to listen. Realization struck, Erin was offering to fill the most painful void of Gina's exile.

"You want to be my sister." Gina reached for Erin with intent no one would mistake for sisterly.

Erin balked, slamming into the wall she forgot was behind her.

Gina let out a peel of laughter as Erin rubbed the back of her head. "I can make you feel better." Gina promised as she slinked across the bunk.

Erin put her hand up between them. "Six, we need to talk. Beginning with your disturbing definition of sister." Erin shook her head as if trying to dislodge something from it.

"Your about as much fun as a Three." Gina sat back pouting. "Sixes don't share all our memories unless we experienced something that will bring us all closer to God's plan. We give re-countings, first to a Three, and then Sixes as we want." Gina grinned. "But your not a Three; I won't get boxed."

Gina sat back, she could do this, but Erin was going to start. "What was Marina like?"

Erin hadn't followed most of that, but was too relieved Gina had overcome her resistance to care. "She was amazing: compassionate, goofy, tough, vibrant, dedicated. She was from a wealthy Tauron family. After she graduated from University, she put everything she had into helping kids without advantages. I volunteered at the center because I missed my brothers. She asked me for a date. I couldn't understand what she saw in me."

Gina nudged Erin's leg with her foot. "I can give you a list if you haven't figured it out yet."

Tension, that had been like another body sitting between them, was gone; Erin moved to fill the void. "Marina told me I was an example to the kids that felt cheated by life. That they could make something of themselves. She said everyone she knew with strength and power abused it and abused others to get it, but that I was everything someone strong should be. That's exactly how I thought of her. She had so much energy, everyone was lifted up by it."

Gina stroked her cheek. "Why don't you hate me for her death, for helping to kill your family?"

Apparently Cylon sisters didn't pull punches. "I know you were a genocidal Cylon, but cylons aren't the only ones ever convinced that genocide was a good idea. I know you think war is wrong, I hear it every time you talk about the military, your not just referring to ours." Erin paused. Gina made no attempt to refute her claim, Erin continued, "but after what was done to you, I feel like you're the only Cylon who has the right to want to wipe us out of existence. That scares me."

Gina reached for Erin. The hand heading toward her neck skirted around to pull free the band holding up her pony tail. Erin never tensed. "You have a funny way of showing fear.".

"I'm more afraid of losing you." Erin shook out her hair. "Will you answer some questions? There's no one watching or listening here."

Gina sighed. "I've barely figured out the answers to my own questions. I might not be able to answer yours."

Chapter 20

"Hey," Erin tugged on Gina's pant leg. "Just don't just say what you think I want to hear. I know what you did. I want to try to understand why. They might have been completely cracked, but I know you, there had to be reasons that seemed to make sense."

"I don't suppose you'd consider frakking instead?" If Gina lost Erin her life in the fleet would be intolerable. As much as she loved to pry the secrets out of others, self-revelation was her least favorite activity. Maybe that's why infiltrators ended up boxed, it was so hard for Sixes to share anything but their bodies. "What do you want to know?"

Erin took Gina's hand and a deep breath...then froze. She needed to ask the question whose answer she feared the most.

Gina bent down and looked up to catch the marine's eye. "Erin? You're not allowed to look like that before I've said anything."

The gunny known for her fearlessness cleared her throat. "Sorry, just a bit of sheer terror, I have trouble imagining you really wanting an us the same way I do."

Gina laughed. "What else could I possibly want, an algae diet?"

Erin frowned. "That's the problem, what could make you want to stay with the fleet?"

Gina's face went blank. "I don't have anywhere else to go. I'd love to be on a planet no humans or Cylons ever set foot on. The brig is probably as close as I can get, at least no one wants to go there." Gina let out a strained laugh. "Of course I also want out of the brig, assuming I can survive the experience. Guards I can tell to go away. And I desperately want to frak you until everything else disappears, repeatedly."

Erin narrowed her eyes. "Your going to try to make it impossible for me to think, aren't you?"

Gina's face became pure innocence. "If you can't think, maybe you should let me decide what we do."

"Nice try," Erin deadpanned. "You're really okay with never going back?"

Gina took a moment. "I don't want to go back to what I remember. Unless they change enough to accept you, I don't want them. I really can't be sure of anything else." She threaded their fingers. "I want passion. With Helena desire was this force that blew everything apart, with you it helps me hold everything together."

Erin spoke gently, "Maybe that's because you're not hiding."

"We won't be able to hide. Do you really want to spend more time in the brig, not really being alone together?"

"I want to spend time with you anywhere." Erin assured her. "And I want everyone else to go away as much as you do. The Old Man wants to let you out, we wouldn't be getting away with this if he didn't. It'll be baby steps for a while. You staying out of trouble, finding something for you to do, the crew getting comfortable with you. But you'll still live in the brig. I'm not sure where that leaves us. I really don't want to frak and then leave you alone in a cell. That just feels wrong."

"Erin, I'm Cylon, frak and leave's what we do. Nothing's private, we don't even have doors."

Erin grinned. "You just described most of the marines and pilots. Is that what you want?"

Gina laughed. "Are you crazy?"

"Are you okay with spending more time here with the rest of the unit? You'd get to use the enlisted head and showers, see us out of uniform."

Gina tried to touch her own chin with her casted arm and ended up with a thumb in her ear. "Naked? watching when you'd rather have privacy. Can I bring that camera with me... go through everyone’s locker?"

Erin's arms folded across her chest. "That would get you airlocked. I do, however, have something to help you fit in. It reminded me of the tender interactions we've all shared with you." Erin presented the sweatshirt of the drill sergeant from Hades with all the flourish of a courtier from an ancient court. "My humble gift to you."

Gina regarded the offering with wonder. There wasn't any commerce in Cylon society. Anything available was shared without individual claims past use. It seemed superior but there was a side effect; no one gave gifts. Though she had lived freely among humans for years, nothing prepared her for how the simple human gesture would affect her.

Excitement erupted and a smile burst from within. Her heart rate increased as she detected a faint scent. The shirt smelled like Erin. She unfurled it. Laughter reverberated through her body. The shirt was perfect. Everything felt perfect. Using all her Cylon strength, speed and agility Gina pulled Erin into a kiss.

Gina held Erin in place until she moaned with passion. Than hands stroked until their bodies arched into each other. Gina pulled back without removing her lips from Erin's flesh. Half the buttons of Erin's shirt were free, before the marine noticed. She grabbed Gina's hands and leaned back. Gina followed her motion and flattened her against the bed. Breaking free of the lose hold, fingers continued to unfasten as lips tasted exposed skin.

Erin held Gina to her even as she panted, "Gina. Talk."

Gina mumbled something unintelligible as she moved down. She tasted her way across Erin's chest. She took a breast into her mouth before pulling back until only her teeth held Erin's nipple and her tongue flicked across the stiffed flesh. Gina grinned before enveloping her breast again. She moved the other side.

Erin's breath grew more ragged, and moans interspersed with Gina's name grew louder. Still caught between body and mind, stopped her herself from reaching under clothing even as Gina stroked over the taunt muscles. and began to tug at Erin's pants.

Added pressure against her center made Erin cry out even as her pants resisted Gina's one armed attempt to remove them.

Frustrated Gina finally pulled back. "You promised, you'd lose the uniform. Switching to civilian clothes doesn't count."

Gina looked at Erin's lips awaiting a response, and moved in to taste them before she got one. She had been so alone. Medics touched her and tried as much as she did not to cringe at the contact. But this, this was like salvation on a stick, she couldn't hold back. She ravished Erin's mouth with the same thoroughness she had her breasts.

Erin responded by pulling Gina close, destroying any chance the cylon had of removing her pants. When lack of oxygen left them gasping Gina gave the waistband another tug. "Consider this an official request. Loose the cloths, Gunny."

Erin held Gina back this time and looked into her eyes, putting all her concern, desire and doubt into the one word. "Gina?"

"I know, I do, but I need you, please." Gina trembled and closed her eyes. She had never begged for anything on the Galactica, had promised herself never to do it again. "Please."

Erin moved out of the cramped rack. A spike of pain stopped Gina's breath until Erin's hands moved to finish what Gina had started. Unfortunately, Erin was no better at getting her clothes off this time than she had been the last time Gina watched her. Though to be fair it may have had something to do with Gina opening her own shirt enough to reveal a healthy portion of her breast.

Relief at Erin's cooperation made Gina giddy with excitement. Every move and look filled her with confidence that this was what she most needed. She grinned like a child watching a sundae being made and reached out to stick her fingers in her treat.

"Keep that hand to yourself or I might forget how clothes work." Erin spoke as if it wasn't already an issue.

Gina pulled backa nd rubbed her thigh, eyes glued to Erin's body. "You're beautiful."

When Erin stood naked before her, she purred, "Your not done." Arching back she presented a boot clad foot.

Erin shook her head, but kneeled and began to undo the laces. "Are you sure you're going to be as comfortable with your own clothes off?"

Gina groaned as Erin massaged her calf. Firm but gentle, just what she needed. Erin put down one leg and reached for another. She shifted and Gina saw herself as reflected in the glass of her Pegasus cell. She covered her own gasp with an anecdote. "We rarely wore them on a baseship. I think clothes might be what Sixes like best about humanity, though they'd be horrified by those boots."

Erin looked up, her smile wide and relaxed, a sight few people saw. Gina relaxed and found herself gripping the bed, having lost both her panic and her hands free resolve. Her voice came out low and throaty. "Can I touch you now?"

Erin flushed. "Are you sure about this? We still need to talk and my questions won't be easy. You may wish you'd shared a bit less of yourself goin in."

"As long as I can have all of you." Gina's flirtation didn't remove all of the worry from Erin's eyes. Maybe she hadn't covered up that gasp. "I didn't think the the questions would be easy, and I'm not trying to stop you from asking them." She reached to stroke the face of the woman Gina had no doubt that she loved. "I can't keep living like I'm dead, Erin."

Admonished, Erin bowed her head before meeting Gina's eyes and reached for Gina's tank. Her fingers ran across scars as she worked the shirt free. Her face flushed and she looked away.

"Erin?" Gina choked out as panic rushed back.

"No...no!" Erin cupped Gina's face. "You are so beautiful, and those scars...I didn't want you to see how angry it makes me." Erin resumed her caress of the damaged flesh, whispering. "So beautiful."

Gina relaxed. She thrust her hips so her pants could be removed, then moved to make room for Erin in the bunk.

Both resumed their former positions bookending the bunk, Erin's gaze fell on the still open locker.Tears filled her eyes. It was Gina's turn to sooth scars left by war.

""""""

Erin had felt a new level of horror as her fingers found Gina's scars. How could anyone touch her and think machine. Her perceptions took her to a logical conclusion. Cylons were terrible and frightening, but no more so than humans. She doubted if anything, from the attempt at genocide to the horrors of New Caprica, would have been different had their situations been reversed by humanity making the first strike. She'd heard far too much gloating over acts that had always been considered atrocities in colonial society.

She looked at the faces of her family and hoped they understood. Everyone, Cylon and human, were so wrong. She wasn't even sure Gina understood. She was more than aware of the reverse of power that had just been played out. She refused anything more before giving herself to Gina. She just hoped Gina managed to stay with her, mind and body. "I don't want to do anything to cause you more pain, Gina."

"You won't." Gina kissed away her tears.

It didn't take long for everyone and everything else to leave her mind, Erin automatically drew drew the curtain as Gina claimed her. Enclosed in their own world, human and cylon defied their universe and all of it's Gods.

Chapter 21

Their bodies melded as they kissed languorously. Gina set the pace and Erin followed, offering every inch of her body for Gina to chart through taste and touch. Both cried out as long fingers entered to complete the map within. Gina explored meticulously and Erin screamed as promised.

Mobility regained, Erin's hands, lips and limbs did as bidden. Eager requests became ragged demands. Gina's oans became a sharp shocked cry of pleasure. Emboldened by success, Gina celebrated fiercely. Erin could do little more than grip the sheets as Gina devoured her.

Erin mumbled. "I don't think I can move. I'm deathly afraid of what you'll be able to do with two arms. Are you okay?" she asked tapping on Gina's cast.

Gina handed Erin the water bottle and answered as she nibbled her shoulder. "The re-enforced arm is fine. I am so much better than fine. And I don't want you to move." After Erin drained the bottle, Gina pushed her down and burrowed into her with a sigh.

Erin felt tears Gina hadn't wiped away, and stroked Gina's back wondering if she realized she'd shed them.

In a voice far stronger than Erin could manage, Gina asked. "You had more questions. Do we have time?"

"Did anyone pound on the door?"

Gina grinned and waved her injured arm. "I think the only pounding was my cast, next time we're definitely doing this in my cell. I don't care who watches." Feeling like she was riding on the crest of a wave. She took one last taste of her lover and dove in. "Erin, tell me what you want to know."

Erin took a deep breath and looked at the open door of her locker. "I want to know why they died, what you were thinking."

"I can throw in the history of Kobol." Gina offered.

"I think I can settle for the most disturbing parts of your past." Erin kissed her head.

Gina sighed. "I have to explain what it was like before the attacks. I'm not sure it'll make sense, some of it doesn't make sense to me."

Erin brushed her finger along Gina's cheek. "I understand being ordered to kill and thinking it's right. Why did you think so many of us had to die?"

Gina struggled in silence for a few moments, then her explanation came out slow, but steady. "We believe in the One True God, well except for Ones - I don't think they believe in anything but themselves." Gina moved to hold her head up with her arm. "God had commanded us to procreate. As long as we weren't able to, we weren't fulfilling God's plan. We couldn't do it. You could. We went across the Armistice Line to study you. We came to the conclusion that humanity was doomed to lives of unending violence, greed and depravity as evidenced by your lack of belief in the One True God."

Gina's eyes unfocused as she looked further inward. "We saw how you start life only knowing how to feel and have to learn how to think. We thought that's why you can't control yourselves. From the first moment of our existence we're able to process and solve complex problems, then we learn to feel and react. We thought that made us inviolate, free from the vices born of emotional needs that plague human society. We see ourselves as more evolved: stronger, more resilient, ageless - and we don't kill each other."

Gina's eyes narrowed. "It's strange, I have no idea what Ones believe in, but they argued humanity was obsolete and should be destroyed; that it was logical. He'd hate me for saying this, but his passion was even more compelling than his logic."

Gina paused as a score of emotions flashed across her face. "Our creators left us with improved Centurions, Raiders and baseships, they're part of us. War seemed mandated, who else were we supposed to fight?"

Erin held Gina's shoulders until their eyes met. "Whoa, what do you mean your creators left you? Who created you?"
Gina's breath caught as an instinctive horror of speaking what was forbidden filled her. She now understood the phrase 'putting the nail in the coffin'. This would be the point of no return - even if Cylons and humans made peace, Gina would not receive amnesty from her people. Gina plopped down on her back and stared at the rack above them.

Erin turned to mirror Gina's former position, her eyes full of worry. "Six, I'm sorry, just tell me what you're comfortable with."

Gina looked at her, then burst out laughing.

Erin turned beet red. "If you give me a minute I can think of something even more daft to say."

"No, that was enough, I need to be able to breathe." Gina had broken every other commandment, or at least made a serious attempt to. Gina searched her memory. That wasn't God's commandment. Nothing in scripture, just a rule of assumed origin they were forbidden to question. "They are known as the Alphas. There is a line unique to cylon scriptures, 'Parents must die for their child to grow.' Cylons don't die, we assumed the Alphas left to allow us to grow to our full potential rather than be undermined by their desires and expectations. When we realize our potential in accordance with God's will, they will return to us."

Horror tinged disbelief broke through Erin's nonjudgmental mask. "Who, what are they? Where did they go?"

"Asking those questions is forbidden. Everything I'm telling you is. Cavil says the rules were made to keep our society thriving, moving forward. Humans with their mortality and imperfect memories argue and obsess over their pasts. We accept data and focus our analysis on the future." Gina fell silent after practically spiting out the last sentence.

Erin prompted her to continue. "You don't sound like you agree."

"I'm not sure what to think. Our society wasn't thriving, it was stagnant. We desperately wanted more and wanted everything to stay the same. It didn't work that way." Gina tilted her head. Nagging thoughts and images from dreams began to coalesce. "Everything alive changes. Sixes know that. Cavil kept saying we're machines, mechanized copies, uncha....Oh God...We were never broken."

Gina looked like she was going into shock. Erin grabbed the blanket and covered her. "Gina, Six. Look at me." Erin began to move trying to maintain physical contact. She ripped open the curtain. "Six, Stay with me..." She darted to the locker and grabbed the bottle.

"Erin?"

"I'm right here. I've got you. You're safe, honey. I promise." Erin got behind Gina, making herself into a cradle to gently rock her lover. "Take a sip. Not too much."

Gina sputtered. The liquid burning it's way down her throat distracted her from the shock freezing up her brain. "How do you drink that?"

"Gina, it's been in there almost three years."

"Your father," Gina coughed. "You never told me he was crazy."

Laughter erupted from Erin's belly. "Bad taste is not insanity."

Gina joined in though she couldn't have explained what was so funny. Snorts and giggles drove them until they lay weakened and gasping for air yet again. Once the laughter stopped they wrapped back around each other.

"I take it you're done talking for today," Erin said.

Gina pulled back. "No, no I have to figure this out. It's what I said before, we thought we were incorruptible, but as we kept crossing over we found out we weren't. The first of us to come back from the colonies created strife, especially the Eights. They began asking forbidden questions. Only the Ones were completely resistant. The Threes barely changed either. Ones began to prepare anyone who would go to the colonies to compensate for what were considered weaknesses in our programming. Since the Threes had reacted mostly by increasing their devotion to interpreting the social rules through scripture, the Ones proposed that they guide and evaluate the reintegration of those who returned. They became the arbiters of who needed to be boxed. We were so afraid of being corrupted no one could see they weren't broken. We thought wanted to feel alive, to grow, but whenever some one did, they were boxed."

Gina stopped to take a breath. Erin whispered hesitantly, as if unsure of the wisdom of interrupting. "Gina, What's being boxed?"

"Being downloaded into a body that's rendered inert; all your memory files are locked in cold storage."

Erin paled.

"It's not necessarily permanent," Gina added quickly.

Mouth agape Erin asked, "How do they react when you let them out?"

Gina's voice cracked when she answered. "No one's been unboxed."

Erin shifted, breathed in through her nose and let it out slowly. She'd rather be shot in the head. The thought of how cylons would handle teenagers made her shudder. "If spending time with us made you feel you had to do that to your own people, why didn't you just stay away?"

Gina seemed to have developed a fascination with the end of her cast. "We were drawn to the colonies. They were the home we'd been driven from by slavery. And we couldn't have children without humans."

Now Erin was even more confused. "Then why did you completely irradiate the colonies, didn't you know radiation makes us infertile, why attack at all?"

Gina shut her eyes and spoke almost without inflection. "We tried procreating with human prisoners; it didn't work. Fours needed a larger sample of humans to study. We knew if we tried taking humans on that scale you'd notice. We began to talk about and prepare for invasion, but most of the models couldn't come to consensus. Some went looking away from the colonies for a planet of our own. We found Kobol. It was beautiful, but the prophesies about blood being shed were true. A One was the only survivor of the first landing party. The others didn't download. The world which gave birth to humanity was cursed. Then you crossed the armistice line. It seemed like an inevitable prelude to war. We focused on striking the colonies before you attacked us or destroyed them as you did Kobol. But our projections for success were much lower...I don't understand how we got the numbers so wrong."

"Are you saying you didn't plan genocide?" Erin tried to keep the disbelief from her voice.

"I'm not sure. I hadn't been in the data stream for years. I know we had to target the military. We debated government targets but most thought it was safest to destroy them." Gina groaned ferally. "We blamed you for making Cylons unstable, so killing anyone we didn't need made sense. All we cared about was a path to procreation and reclaiming the colonies. It was this complex equation we all worked together to solve, but we didn't understand the variables. It never occurred to us we could be ignorant of anything of consequence. We were certain would never make the same mistakes humans did."

Erin looked at Gina curiously. "You sound like a bunch of teenagers."

Gina stiffened. "We can download data files and share memories, it adds years of experience."

Erin's hand went to her clenched gut. "Gina? How old are you?" Such a simple question, but one she had never thought to ask.

Gina looked at Erin defiantly, "My line...," then looked down in defeat. "I'm twelve. The oldest Six is twenty-one."

"""""""

Erin had wanted to know, had thought she was prepared for what she would hear. It was impossible to tell a Cylon's age. Gina had a mature body, a brilliant mind and was capable of performing every adult task. Images flashed through her mind; almost adult children from Sagittaron and Gemenon with pre-teen naivete after living sheltered lives; and those who'd seen too much, who lied and manipulated as easily as others breathed. Was human civilization destroyed by a bunch of confused and angry abandoned teenagers?

As silence feel between them Erin wanted to tell Gina she'd heard enough. But assumptions she didn't realize she had were being destroyed with every sentence. She didn't want to make the mistake of assuming again. She worked to reconcile Gina's numerical age with the woman in her arms. She could almost hear her wife as she struggled to relate. She finally grabbed hold of a concept that worked- a thirty year old with no memory of her childhood, just skills and knowledge without context. Gina's grip on her arm had slowly tightened as Marina's voice filling her head. Despite fear of ending up with a matching broken bone, Erin ignored it. She didn't want to interrupt as Gina wrestled with her own memories. While she had been wrestling with Gina's age, Gina had been trying to reconcile everything.

"I felt so blessed that my line had been created to infiltrate. All Sixes wanted to go. We're fascinated by everything that lives and grows. Every shared memory and file download was carefully chosen." Gina's tone was bitter. "Nothing that would pollute my superior machine strengths. Nothing from anyone who questioned anything."

She hadn't talked to Erin about life with Helena before the the attacks. Self protective or maybe just self deceptive, she had never wanted to attempt to explain why she had followed through with her mission. Yet now that she had started talking, she couldn't stop. Each word was a reclamation of self. "I was designated to collect and transmit data from Integral Systems, then assigned to infiltrate the Pegasus. I met Helena. She was brilliant, beautiful and so complex: needy yet independent, passionate, but controlled, impulsive and disciplined; she seemed like a perfect warrior. And I swear she was as smarter than the Ones."

Gina's voice held all the emotion her perfect memory retained. "It was a stupid risk trying to seduce her, she was so guarded, and she hated civilians mucking with her ship. I was so focused on seducing her without appearing to be trying, that I didn't realize she was just biding her time before bedding me where and when she wanted." To Erin's shock, Gina blushed.

"Just being in the same room with her was thrilling. It was so overwhelming." A note of pain underpinned her expression of wonder. "But whenever I wasn't with her, I just felt unstable, broken. I kept telling myself to stay focused - not let myself be corrupted. I knew it was love, but it hurt. And the attack made everything worse instead of better."

Gina paused as all the confusion and doubt she had felt played across her face. "I was so proud of how well I blended in. Then Helena gave a speech over the comm after the attack. Everyones emotions became overwhelming and alien. I felt like someone could just look at me and tell I didn't belong." She shuddered. "And all Helena wanted to do was kill cylons. She wouldn't run. I couldn't control her, myself or anything else. I kept thinking she was ruining everything-- not the attack, not me being there to sabotage her ship-- just her wanting to fight after we destroyed everything." A keen escaped from Gina's throat. A familiar sound, but this time it was for what she had done, rather than what had been done to her.

"""""""

Erin had wrapped Gina in the quilt and held her fast, but she couldn't stop shaking. As the words she had been living in fear of Erin ever hearing came out, her memories kept playing: Helena's face as she ordered Gina's arrest, the instant contempt as she was relegated to a 'thing', Helena glaring through the glass. Gina spun out of Erin's arms to stare into her eyes. Fear met fear, but underneath was an aching tenderness and sorrow that matched her own. Gina grabbed Erin's hand and put it to her own cheek. Erin was still there, still wiping tears from her face. The memories stopped.

This was not what she envisioned happening after making love to Erin. But it bonded them closer than sex ever could. Once the flood pouring from her eyes would have made Gina panic. Sixes didn't cry. Now she suspected crying proved she was alive. Raw and exposed Gina curled her body inward even as she wrapped herself around Erin. "Do you still want me now that you know I'm an idiot as well as a spiteful bitch?"

Erin managed to pull her even closer. "I want you. I feel honored that you trust me. And yes, I am still falling in love with you." She pulled a handkerchief from an unseen location and another water bottle appeared. "I hope I can make you happy, Gina."

Gina drew back and smiled. "Erin, you already do."

Epilogue & Prologue

Extraction of the algae proceeded without disruption, but not without difficulty. Impatience led to accusations ranging from incompetence to graft. Many rumors fed discontent and the fleet relished each one: abandoned ships, Cylons, a falling out between Adama and Roslin, arrests, assaults, each story became more colorful as it circulated. People's stomachs being filled by that which revolted their senses did not improve the situation. Instead of sating the population, the algae only sustained their dissatisfaction.

Rogers hadn't made it back to Colonial One before it departed. He'd been busy getting shots of the Six. She wasn't in a flight suit, but she wasn't cuffed like the pilot. And she definitely got on better with the marine escorting her. He didn't get caught. Thankfully the marine following them was as distracted by their obvious affection as he was. Yet he was still rattled and not completely sure why. He was relieved he got stranded on the Galactica. Presidential security surrounded by military security wasn't the environment he wanted for viewing the footage.

He headed for Cloud Nine. Only the cabins being insulated well enough to remain habitable kept many away, while the efforts to lower the radiation levels under the dome made transportation accessible. Safe in the knowledge that no one would bother him, he looked forward to reviewing the tapes. McManus could track him down for a change.

Logging the shots brought him clarity regarding his jitters. His journalistic instincts may have compelled him to shoot the footage, but common sense was squelching the euphoria he expected to feel. Given the climate of unrest, he was sitting on a bomb that could blow the fleet apart.

THE END of Trust Book 1

Book 2 "Breach of Promise" is coming soon.

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