Life is always ever changing
It's 3AM and I can't sleep. Mary won't talk to me again. It feel like needles in my chest. I've been in Virginia for 6 months from October until April and now I'm back in Florida. I think the last 6 months apart took its toll on our relationship. She's gotten accustomed to being on her own, and she thinks for herself now. She's so focused on school, and that's a good thing, but I can't get her attention as easily anymore. I think I made a mistake in going to Virginia. Even though I would have risked my job by staying, I think I may have risked my marriage more. Maintaining a healthy relationship requires communication from both sides, but even though I'm listening, she's not talking. It's always been like this, since the very beginning. Instead, I'm left feeling like a balloon that's been inflated and deflated. Stretched and tense, then deflated and unravelled. It's all I can do to hold myself together and say, "Be a man. Be strong. Be the foundation." But a foundation that's not maintained will still crumble...
It's not really the expenses or the finances. I make enough money. It's the responsibility hanging over my head to perform and be nurturing. To provide whether we need or want. To be the man of the house. Sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of everything alone. I need the feedback and the partnership, but what I really need is moral support and some emotional attention. It's strange because it's the same feeling when I first left to go to Virginia. I never lost that desire, but maybe Mary fulfilled it in other ways. Perhaps she filled the void with school, friends, and housework. I refuse to devote any more time to my job than I have to.
I think we should plan a vacation, but there's so much to do around the house. The garage is so full of stuff I'm not using. I'm trying to clear it all out, but it's slow going and people keep flaking out after they say they want to buy something. I don't understand why people can't follow through. I've done my best to be honest and straight forward to follow through with my promises. I hate being the flakey wishy washy kind of person. I think I've been that way a lot growing up. Perhaps just being steady as she goes is the best solution to any situation.
The years go by so fast. I try to cling to every moment, but it seems the world is whirling around me like a whirlpool, only to be sucked into nothing. God is hanging a rope from the shore... all you have to do is reach for it, and he will pull you out of the abyss. Life is short. Live, Laugh, and most of all Love. When all is said and done, Love is all we have that's worth anything. Everything else is just a distraction.
It's not really the expenses or the finances. I make enough money. It's the responsibility hanging over my head to perform and be nurturing. To provide whether we need or want. To be the man of the house. Sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of everything alone. I need the feedback and the partnership, but what I really need is moral support and some emotional attention. It's strange because it's the same feeling when I first left to go to Virginia. I never lost that desire, but maybe Mary fulfilled it in other ways. Perhaps she filled the void with school, friends, and housework. I refuse to devote any more time to my job than I have to.
I think we should plan a vacation, but there's so much to do around the house. The garage is so full of stuff I'm not using. I'm trying to clear it all out, but it's slow going and people keep flaking out after they say they want to buy something. I don't understand why people can't follow through. I've done my best to be honest and straight forward to follow through with my promises. I hate being the flakey wishy washy kind of person. I think I've been that way a lot growing up. Perhaps just being steady as she goes is the best solution to any situation.
The years go by so fast. I try to cling to every moment, but it seems the world is whirling around me like a whirlpool, only to be sucked into nothing. God is hanging a rope from the shore... all you have to do is reach for it, and he will pull you out of the abyss. Life is short. Live, Laugh, and most of all Love. When all is said and done, Love is all we have that's worth anything. Everything else is just a distraction.