~I want to be wrapped up in your voice, the one I loved, because I want to fall asleep with a smile.
Since it was the birthday of dear lokimo , here's a two-parter as a present!
Walking inside the town, the neon lights that where showy before are completely burnt out as well. Even though it doesn't mean that the building itself has changed, if the place that originally was bright is like this, why is it that it feels even more lonely?
Even so, I pass through the small deserted doors of the bar.
I heard that the commissioned officer of the navy, often shows his face at this store.
So wouldn't I be able to hear at least something that would slightly involve Norizane?
Thoughts like that, are what lead Mitsunobu to commute here. While in the middle of that, an acquaintance he reunited with by accident, noticing Mitsobu raised his hand.
[Kaneko-senpai]
[Kinoshita, so you came here as well?]
As I'd sit down on the stool next to him, Mayumi did a small nod.
[Yes. Since at present time, I want any information available even if it was a little]
[If you are too flashy about it, you'll draw attention]
[I am being careful]
If comparing to when he was a student, his features have become somewhat manly.
That, since by the senpai from the same editorial department there is a man who he's collaborating with is writing a book that seems like it's against antimilitary departent who's an ex-reporter,--is something, I finally heard when I met him for the uptenth time.
Though it's also because it's under regulations, it's not that satisfactory of a menu, however it seems there are people who are happy just from the store being open. The entrance of people would be as is, there'd be ones who'd sing military songs while joining shoulders and there'd also be ones who'd discuss stuff with grave looks, it's a variety to the point of there even being one's who'd rise in high spirits.
[By the way, what is Hiura doing now?]
Since Azusa, if I'm not mistaken was supposed to have been the eldest son, so while he did escape the recruitment long ago nowadays even arrangments like that would start to break apart. That he had departed, is what I heard soon after reuniting.
[Azusa at this time is in North China, is what I believe]
[North China, huh...]
After Russia steps back, the state of things in China and Manchirua aswell will probably change at once. Geez, it means it's dangerous all over. Mitsunobu rests his chin on the desk.
[For Kinoshita, wouldn't info about the army be what would interest you more?]
[It does, but...]
As Mayumi too would rest his head in the same way, he sets his gaze far away.
[Since what I can do right now, shouldn't be just worrying only about Azusa]
[I see...]
As I'm being told that, it's painful for the ears.
[I'm shameful, aren't I]
[...I never thought I'd hear such words leave Senpai's mouth]
Mayumi blinks his long slitted eyes.
[Is that so?]
[Yes. ...Since the matter is, that even I am just convincing myself of that]
After Mayumi says that, he fell silent. Mitsunobu, matching him, closes his mouth. If they keep quiet like this, fragments from the conversations all over dropped in. The age where speech is regulated, the words that they are telling lively, above all else, is a hard to get info. They themselves would be under regulation, so though they are choosing their words, there is still stuff that would ooze out of it.
The story that the ''Mr so-and-so'' of such-and-such place died in action.
The story, by which naval battle someone had gotten a special promotion to second class.
[It's the land where the officers of the Imperial Army spilled their blood. There's no way we can part with it! We must firmly defend it to the last!]
A voice like that was heard out of nowhere. It seems they are talking about China.
Mayumi, who noticed Mitsunobu smiling bitterly, looks at him curious.
[What's the matter, Senpai?]
[No...already 2...no, I guess it'll be 3 years ago? I remembered about how there was a member of the Diet who asked where is the objective of the the Second Sino-Japanese War]
[Aa, I know about it. It's the house of representives-]
[Indeed. Quite right, though several days after that he was excommunicated]
At that time, I thought it was reckless. I thought that if you're going to oppose holism, you should be more careful about it and above that, to not show it in ones behaviour.
As result, that member of the Diet even lost the ''place'' to fire his speech at so indeed as I thought, a manner of doing like that wasn't a good plan, is what I had though.
[However...I was wrong, wasn't I]
I should have edvised my father. I should have convinced him to raise voice with the other even if it crossed borders of the imperial palace.
If one by one the hands are raised, maybe, it maybe have a become a great current. If it was at that time, we may still have been able to turn back. However, what about now?
Mutually being on guard with each other, it's not possible to gather voices. In the end, where is ones true heart, forgetting even to think if it really is one's own will, people have ended up speaking the same words.
If at that time I had raised my hand. If only I had made a move.
--Praying for Norizane like this, I may have gone without feeling as if my body is torn apart. May have stayed without regrets.
The thoughts that would arrive there after all.
...My own indeciciveness is becoming quite detestable, if I do say so myself.
Even until now, Norizane was at the fronts. The whole time of these several years. However, there hadn't been a time I felt this uneasy.
Why, do I feel this much of a bad premonition? Will I continue living while carrying feelings like this? Just, how long? Until the place I keep the car waiting at, Mayumi walks in line with me.
[--Senpai]
[Hm?]
[In the end, even for me stuff like the country is important or what is right, is trivial to be honest]
[Oh?]
The thought 'For that to be the case...', spilled out from the outing of those words. Mayumi did glance at Mitsunobu for a second, but he doesn't allude to it.
[Since I'm a self-centered person, so as long as nearby,the people who important to me are safe, I'm fine with that. ...No, even about people who are unfamiliar to me, my heart hurts if I see and hear a very bad story. However, the me right now won't extend my hands that far.]
That, is no different by Mitsunobu. Lately, I've come to realize my own powerlesness.
I was supposed to have chosen to live like this, for the sake of being able to do what I only can if I follow this road. That was supposed to have been my own will.
However, just what...was I able to do? Only thinking of pretentious stuff, wasn't I just rotating my gaze while inside the current?
[Perhaps, we are overlooking something vital. Don't you agree?]
Mayumi's voice that recites, grows gradually distant.
[Perhaps, it's something more simple. What we should do, may just be raising our voices in a place that people would hear from]
It feels like only I, am left behind. Would it feel like this, when one is left alone on unsteady footing in the middle of a lava flow?
[Senpai]
「…………」
[Senpai, please get a hold of yourself]
It seems my feet had stopped at some point. Mayumi looks at me, while showing a wry smile.
[Do you still remember? About the time when we where students]
[...Kinoshita?]
[Senpai-tachi, where restless like idiots. I, was watching you two while thinking 'Just what are they doing'. However--]
Mayumi would be at a loss for words for a moment, and clenched his palm.
[However. Don't you think that, over there would be where the answer lies?]
[The answer...?]
To Mitsunobu, who was puzzled, Mayumi slightly smiles.
[I'll slowly head home now]
[I could see you off, by car?]
[No need, since it's near here. ...Well then, later]
[...Aa]
As I'd reply as if befuddled, Mayumi would slightly bow his head and turned his back to me.
Past the retreating figure of the back that has grown considerably tall, looked like it mirrored the figure from the time we where students, before he dropped out, that walked while holding up his head dignified.
I remember how I felt at that time, that he was a guy with a violent remperament to the point of betraying the feminine appearance.
On that day, Mitsunobu opened the album, after it had been a long while (since he last touched it).
For some reason my courage had left a little but, once I open it, lightly thinking about the past, more than feeling pain, in my heart, the joy was bigger.
During the student days, attaching some reason to it, my classmates took photos. During the time I was still a 1st year, the face of me that was somehow adobting a formal attitude. Masking my true character, the time I had lived peevish/while sulking.
The first year of dormitary festival, I had run from place to place. The interchool match with Kougakuen, where Norizane participated. By the photo of the Hanami that was soon after we had become 2nd years. still turning away from Norizane, there's the me who's making a composed expression. However, just 2-3 photos forward, by the one after the 2nd dormitary festival had ended, putting my hands around his shoulders, I was photographed while smiling.
Kaname is there. Azusa and Mayumi too would be there, there is also the figure of Shigure who had come to watch. Akita was there, by professor Ishikawa of arithmetics, professor Gen of physics. Succeeding at having Mitsunobu participate in the play, there is an air of triumph by the faces of the dorm.
Sweetly yet painfully, his heart would be disarrayed.
His thoughts going in circles, the days he had spent irritated. Going by momentum the stuff at the dojo would happen, being discovered, it would become an uproar throughout the school, after that--
Mitsunobu would stand up and peer inside the extraction that was closing off the album. A small bulge, by the old brown envelope.
Once I open the seal, a small Yamaai-color printed bag would spill out on my palm. Losing fragrance a long time ago, that which also had the colors vanish, looked like it shed light on it's own.
I partly close my eyes.
Yes, indeed you're right Kinoshita. The answer is indeed here.
It's impossible after all. After all, no matter what happens, a person like me can't lie to one's own heart in the end.
People, would repeat the same mistakes. However, they can also correct them.
Being discovered while naked together with Norizane, the time the mask of my true character was peeled off throughout the whole school, I thought I might as well feel relief.
Once more, shall I strip this unwanted clothing that had latched on to my body?
Even if all of it is impossible, I don't mind even if it's just bit by bit. And at that time, I wonder just what will it be that remains inside of myself?
TBC
[Just how many years, do you think you had made me wait?]
The scarlet clothing resembling anger, more than any of the outfits she had worn until now, looked very well on Hinako. The distribution of the materials for clothing would also turn to be regulated, in this age where even the permanent is prohibited, even so Hinako doesn't forget her brilliance in the cases when she'd meet with me.
Ready for abuse, Hinako's house that he appeared at. Facing each other at the desk by the parlour, Mitsunobu just bows his head.
Only to this person, I can do nothing but apologize, Making her accompany me for a long time by my selfish half-hearted worries/agony, since I'm in this state at the end, no matter how much abuse I receive, I don't mind.
Hinako speaks in a voice that doesn't hide anger.
[Mitsunobu-sama]
[Yes]
[You may think of be being conceited even though I'm just a woman, however, I had thought that I'm in harmony with Mitsunobu-sama. Which is why it had lasted this long, is what I thought.]
[Yes]
[And yet, for you to say that you wish to cancel the talk about marriage at this late point, there would be a suitable reason for it wouldn't there? Just what is it that displeased you? I have a right to hear the reason]
It's as Hinako says. I should probably tell the reason.
Which is why raising my head, I spoke plainly.
[There is a person I've been hopelessly in love with, for a long time]
[...And who would be this lady or gentleman?]
[It's a man you aren't acquaintanted with. A friend from my student days]
As might be expected, this seemed to bewilder even Hinako. There would be silence as if saying ''I'm dumbfounded'', slowly she opens her lips.
[I'm surprised]
[Naturally]
[It's a scandal]
[I think so as well]
With a face as if having quite a bit to say, Hinako puts a hand to her chin.
[...By no means did I ever imagine, that my fiance would be taken from me by a man]
[It would be helpful, if you just thought of it that our encounter was too late. You are a splendid woman]
[Even if you use such flattery, at this point, it only seems like sarcasm]
Even though I'm not in a position that would permit it, feeling like I'm about to smile I supressed it in a hurry. Certainly, it would probably only sound like sarcasm, but it's also my true feelings..
[However, thanks to you telling me, I finally understand]
['Understand' what?]
[Since you're this hesitant about the wedding, that you probably would have another woman somewhere, my parents had investigated it quite zealously. However, saying one could not find any traces of it, they wracked their brains. ]
[...I see]
In a place unknown to me, it developed to such measures. It's not unreasonable that they couldn't find anything since neither did I have spare time to play around, nor could I meet with Norizane that often.
Hinako would ponder for a brief moment, and then she nodded.
[All right. Marrying a person like that, would be the same as ruining myself. I'm refusing from this side--is what I'd like to say]
Her tone changes. That sharpness, that she would show from time to time, would peek though.
[Mitsunobu-sama, I wonder if you realize that what you wish to do would be the same as staining the personal history of the person called, myself]
I was aware of it.
A nobles breaking off of an engagement. Material like this is always the target of public attention. If a mistake is made, she'll probably treated as that she was deficient as a woman.
[If I announce that you where a house of homosexuals, my status may raise for a lot. If I said that I wished to do that, what do you intend to do?]
[No, there's no need to burden you. I feel that I wouldn't mind if I myself officialy announced it]
Speaking honestly, I had realized that there was also the possibility of that danger. Though causing trouble for my parents would be the same either way, however if worse come to worse, becoming disinherited, there is still something I can do.
[Luckily, I have a junior who works at a publisher. If it becomes public first, it won't be unnatural even if you annulled the engagement from your side]
[And? You wish to make me say 'do that'?]
[...My apologies. It's as you say]
Making up my mind, I ought to be in charge of it. Making sure that Hinako's name wouldn't be shamed for the me who had been false, it's the only thing I can do right now.
However, opposite of Mitsunobu who had stiffened his face, Hinako suddenly sighed.
[...Hinako-san?]
There is no reponse. Wondering if she had watched Mitsunobu for a while, she looks downward. The slightly curled hair would sway, though I had been in a dissaray for a moment thinking that she may be crying, it seems like she's laughing.
Not really understanding anything as I'd watch over her, shedding a big sigh once more, Hinako raised her head.
[Until the very end, Mitsunobu-sama did not understand that I'm a human being]
[...And just what, would that mean?]
[I dislike stuff like that. I would think that you'd realize at least that much, considering we've been together this long]
It felt like blood rushed to my face. Being told that, for the first time, I realize that twofold and threefold I had commited a mistake.
That I in the end, had not taken her seriously, I was made to realize at this moment.
Hinako, after smiling, continues.
[Shall I speak honestly?]
[Yes]
[I too, ddn't really feel like going along with this wedding. ...No, not because of Mitsunobu-sama or anything, I had no interest in marriage to beging with.]
「…………」
[I hate being locked up inside the house. I hate being forced into a role I don't wish for. Therefore, I also was grateful that Mitsunobu-sama was delaying the marriage ceremony. As proof of that, I, didn't ever make demands did I?]
[...Yes]
[Though Mitsunobu-sama wouldn't notice, I too was sitting with my legs crossed.]
She smiles with a rather cheerrful face.
[Truly, you were a clumsy person]
[So it seems]
[Don't you think, that we probably weren't suited for each other? I think we'd just keep arguing, if we married]
[...That may be so]
The sun was obscured. Hinako reaches her hand out to the now completely cooled off tea. I called out to that dignified face.
[Hinako-san]
[Yes, what would be the matter?]
[...Thank you]
'By this person indeed, there was nothing else I could do past bowing my head?', is what I thought..
[Hmm~...However, I wonder how much of that was her true feelings?]
[What do you mean?]
At the usual bar, Mayumi who sat down next to to him, answers Mitsunobu's question with a bit of an evil look.
[No matter how much you say it was because it was convenient, she dated you until now after soothing her parents and relatives, right? I would think it as itself to be troublesome]
「…………」
[Somehow or other, weren't you liked quite a bit?]
Mitsunobu, inclining his glass, told a lie.
[Who knows? I don't understand a woman's heart]
[Isn't it more, that you don't wish to think of it since it'll sprout feelings of guilt?]
[...Don't stab at the bulls-eye. If it's feeling guilt, then I've been doing that all the time for several years]
As Mayumi would laugh while raising his voice, I reach out my hand to the alchohol with a thin taste.
[However, wasn't it a blessing? That it settled with no great uproar]
[Since they're not lacking in news about 'war this, war that'. It probably means that both newspapers and magazines don't have a brush they can waste too long on stuff like that]
Actually, it did ride on newspapers and magazines, however it was pulled up by the roots that much. It's probably thanks to the excuse, of it right now being a major incident by the country and so forth, had passed.
Terunobu did make noise about disinheriting and such, however my mother Kinue chose my side. Though it is also dangerous right now if we met, if comparing to when I kept deceiving the liar Hinako, though I think it's selfish, my heart feels light.
In the first place, there is approval for nobleman's marriage from cabinet minister Miyauchi. In cases of further misonduct, when a nobles dignity would be tarnished considerably, there's also cases of the one who runs the investure appearing, however
''Even if you say that the bonds with the Sumeragi household are deep, there are also houses that were destroyed even after prospering the society many times? Even if it's difficult, could it not be settled with just a warning?'' Hinako's speech. And actually, there even was no warning.
Headed by the conferemce, the two-way agreement of breaking off engagement. Though Hinako also cooperated, let's say it took form as settling the case leaving no parties dissatisfied.
By the people of Hinako's house, she had them not come into play. Though it's not like she wished to rub it in but that there also were no fatal wounds reveived, is also thanks to her. Though I don't know if I'll ever see her again after this, surely already, for the rest of my lifetime I can be no match for her.
Mayumi, with air as if somehow amazed, laughs.
[Senpai is a lucky man, isn't he? Even the deadlocks you come up against areend up good no matter what]
[Seriously]
Parting with Mayumi at the front of the store, I started to walk towards the car. For the sphare of neon lights that dissapeared, I casually reach out my hand towards the stars I can see well.
--Tsuchida.
I want to see you. I want to talk to you. I wish to report to you, that I'm making the preparations for the sake of ''living freely''.
Though I had hurt a lot of people, that little by little I am able to breathe easier, telling you that I want to show it to you while smiling.
The end of the busy wedding celebration, the house after Hikaruko married, became completely desolate. The one who was the most dispirited among the family members was Teruaki, though I was a bit surprised by that, if I think that he also had human kindness like that, for some reason I also felt relief.
It seemed like my parents already had reached their beds, requesting tea by a maid who emerged to greet me, I retire to my own room.
Lately, it seemed like the amount of electricity used per month had come under restriction as well. Though it seems it will be overlooked if it's this household but, since that is unfair as well, it was a few days ago when I pulled out the lamp after how many years?
Once lighting the fire, I remember the nights at the storehouse during my student days to the flickering brightness.
As I'd turn over the documents in preparation for the meeting tommorow where it has been decided that I'll abide to as fathers substitute, the sound of someone knocking at the door.
[Mitsunobu-sama]
[Tokieda, huh. Come in]
Tokieda's tall figure, opening the side door, bowed.
[What's the matter?]
[Moments ago I had received information. Among the 11 transport ships that headed for Gashima, 7 have sunk.]
--In an instant, blood froze throughout my body.
Awkwardly, I turn my back to Tokieda.
[...The ship Tsuchida was on?]
[It's unclear]
[What about the remaining ships?]
[Encoutering a violent attack from the sky, it seems they weren't able to reach Gashima, they are retreating]
[At which harbour they will arrive at, please investigate immediately]
[As you wish]
The sound of Tokieda leaving the room. His presence would dissapear by the corridor, at that exact moment, my whole body trembled.
--Tsuchida.
I link my hands. As if praying I pressed my forehead against them.
--...Tsuchida-!
TBC
...Let's just say that it is this chapter indeed, where I fully fell for Hinako.
Walking inside the town, the neon lights that where showy before are completely burnt out as well. Even though it doesn't mean that the building itself has changed, if the place that originally was bright is like this, why is it that it feels even more lonely?
Even so, I pass through the small deserted doors of the bar.
I heard that the commissioned officer of the navy, often shows his face at this store.
So wouldn't I be able to hear at least something that would slightly involve Norizane?
Thoughts like that, are what lead Mitsunobu to commute here. While in the middle of that, an acquaintance he reunited with by accident, noticing Mitsobu raised his hand.
[Kaneko-senpai]
[Kinoshita, so you came here as well?]
As I'd sit down on the stool next to him, Mayumi did a small nod.
[Yes. Since at present time, I want any information available even if it was a little]
[If you are too flashy about it, you'll draw attention]
[I am being careful]
If comparing to when he was a student, his features have become somewhat manly.
That, since by the senpai from the same editorial department there is a man who he's collaborating with is writing a book that seems like it's against antimilitary departent who's an ex-reporter,--is something, I finally heard when I met him for the uptenth time.
Though it's also because it's under regulations, it's not that satisfactory of a menu, however it seems there are people who are happy just from the store being open. The entrance of people would be as is, there'd be ones who'd sing military songs while joining shoulders and there'd also be ones who'd discuss stuff with grave looks, it's a variety to the point of there even being one's who'd rise in high spirits.
[By the way, what is Hiura doing now?]
Since Azusa, if I'm not mistaken was supposed to have been the eldest son, so while he did escape the recruitment long ago nowadays even arrangments like that would start to break apart. That he had departed, is what I heard soon after reuniting.
[Azusa at this time is in North China, is what I believe]
[North China, huh...]
After Russia steps back, the state of things in China and Manchirua aswell will probably change at once. Geez, it means it's dangerous all over. Mitsunobu rests his chin on the desk.
[For Kinoshita, wouldn't info about the army be what would interest you more?]
[It does, but...]
As Mayumi too would rest his head in the same way, he sets his gaze far away.
[Since what I can do right now, shouldn't be just worrying only about Azusa]
[I see...]
As I'm being told that, it's painful for the ears.
[I'm shameful, aren't I]
[...I never thought I'd hear such words leave Senpai's mouth]
Mayumi blinks his long slitted eyes.
[Is that so?]
[Yes. ...Since the matter is, that even I am just convincing myself of that]
After Mayumi says that, he fell silent. Mitsunobu, matching him, closes his mouth. If they keep quiet like this, fragments from the conversations all over dropped in. The age where speech is regulated, the words that they are telling lively, above all else, is a hard to get info. They themselves would be under regulation, so though they are choosing their words, there is still stuff that would ooze out of it.
The story that the ''Mr so-and-so'' of such-and-such place died in action.
The story, by which naval battle someone had gotten a special promotion to second class.
[It's the land where the officers of the Imperial Army spilled their blood. There's no way we can part with it! We must firmly defend it to the last!]
A voice like that was heard out of nowhere. It seems they are talking about China.
Mayumi, who noticed Mitsunobu smiling bitterly, looks at him curious.
[What's the matter, Senpai?]
[No...already 2...no, I guess it'll be 3 years ago? I remembered about how there was a member of the Diet who asked where is the objective of the the Second Sino-Japanese War]
[Aa, I know about it. It's the house of representives-]
[Indeed. Quite right, though several days after that he was excommunicated]
At that time, I thought it was reckless. I thought that if you're going to oppose holism, you should be more careful about it and above that, to not show it in ones behaviour.
As result, that member of the Diet even lost the ''place'' to fire his speech at so indeed as I thought, a manner of doing like that wasn't a good plan, is what I had though.
[However...I was wrong, wasn't I]
I should have edvised my father. I should have convinced him to raise voice with the other even if it crossed borders of the imperial palace.
If one by one the hands are raised, maybe, it maybe have a become a great current. If it was at that time, we may still have been able to turn back. However, what about now?
Mutually being on guard with each other, it's not possible to gather voices. In the end, where is ones true heart, forgetting even to think if it really is one's own will, people have ended up speaking the same words.
If at that time I had raised my hand. If only I had made a move.
--Praying for Norizane like this, I may have gone without feeling as if my body is torn apart. May have stayed without regrets.
The thoughts that would arrive there after all.
...My own indeciciveness is becoming quite detestable, if I do say so myself.
Even until now, Norizane was at the fronts. The whole time of these several years. However, there hadn't been a time I felt this uneasy.
Why, do I feel this much of a bad premonition? Will I continue living while carrying feelings like this? Just, how long? Until the place I keep the car waiting at, Mayumi walks in line with me.
[--Senpai]
[Hm?]
[In the end, even for me stuff like the country is important or what is right, is trivial to be honest]
[Oh?]
The thought 'For that to be the case...', spilled out from the outing of those words. Mayumi did glance at Mitsunobu for a second, but he doesn't allude to it.
[Since I'm a self-centered person, so as long as nearby,the people who important to me are safe, I'm fine with that. ...No, even about people who are unfamiliar to me, my heart hurts if I see and hear a very bad story. However, the me right now won't extend my hands that far.]
That, is no different by Mitsunobu. Lately, I've come to realize my own powerlesness.
I was supposed to have chosen to live like this, for the sake of being able to do what I only can if I follow this road. That was supposed to have been my own will.
However, just what...was I able to do? Only thinking of pretentious stuff, wasn't I just rotating my gaze while inside the current?
[Perhaps, we are overlooking something vital. Don't you agree?]
Mayumi's voice that recites, grows gradually distant.
[Perhaps, it's something more simple. What we should do, may just be raising our voices in a place that people would hear from]
It feels like only I, am left behind. Would it feel like this, when one is left alone on unsteady footing in the middle of a lava flow?
[Senpai]
「…………」
[Senpai, please get a hold of yourself]
It seems my feet had stopped at some point. Mayumi looks at me, while showing a wry smile.
[Do you still remember? About the time when we where students]
[...Kinoshita?]
[Senpai-tachi, where restless like idiots. I, was watching you two while thinking 'Just what are they doing'. However--]
Mayumi would be at a loss for words for a moment, and clenched his palm.
[However. Don't you think that, over there would be where the answer lies?]
[The answer...?]
To Mitsunobu, who was puzzled, Mayumi slightly smiles.
[I'll slowly head home now]
[I could see you off, by car?]
[No need, since it's near here. ...Well then, later]
[...Aa]
As I'd reply as if befuddled, Mayumi would slightly bow his head and turned his back to me.
Past the retreating figure of the back that has grown considerably tall, looked like it mirrored the figure from the time we where students, before he dropped out, that walked while holding up his head dignified.
I remember how I felt at that time, that he was a guy with a violent remperament to the point of betraying the feminine appearance.
On that day, Mitsunobu opened the album, after it had been a long while (since he last touched it).
For some reason my courage had left a little but, once I open it, lightly thinking about the past, more than feeling pain, in my heart, the joy was bigger.
During the student days, attaching some reason to it, my classmates took photos. During the time I was still a 1st year, the face of me that was somehow adobting a formal attitude. Masking my true character, the time I had lived peevish/while sulking.
The first year of dormitary festival, I had run from place to place. The interchool match with Kougakuen, where Norizane participated. By the photo of the Hanami that was soon after we had become 2nd years. still turning away from Norizane, there's the me who's making a composed expression. However, just 2-3 photos forward, by the one after the 2nd dormitary festival had ended, putting my hands around his shoulders, I was photographed while smiling.
Kaname is there. Azusa and Mayumi too would be there, there is also the figure of Shigure who had come to watch. Akita was there, by professor Ishikawa of arithmetics, professor Gen of physics. Succeeding at having Mitsunobu participate in the play, there is an air of triumph by the faces of the dorm.
Sweetly yet painfully, his heart would be disarrayed.
His thoughts going in circles, the days he had spent irritated. Going by momentum the stuff at the dojo would happen, being discovered, it would become an uproar throughout the school, after that--
Mitsunobu would stand up and peer inside the extraction that was closing off the album. A small bulge, by the old brown envelope.
Once I open the seal, a small Yamaai-color printed bag would spill out on my palm. Losing fragrance a long time ago, that which also had the colors vanish, looked like it shed light on it's own.
I partly close my eyes.
Yes, indeed you're right Kinoshita. The answer is indeed here.
It's impossible after all. After all, no matter what happens, a person like me can't lie to one's own heart in the end.
People, would repeat the same mistakes. However, they can also correct them.
Being discovered while naked together with Norizane, the time the mask of my true character was peeled off throughout the whole school, I thought I might as well feel relief.
Once more, shall I strip this unwanted clothing that had latched on to my body?
Even if all of it is impossible, I don't mind even if it's just bit by bit. And at that time, I wonder just what will it be that remains inside of myself?
TBC
[Just how many years, do you think you had made me wait?]
The scarlet clothing resembling anger, more than any of the outfits she had worn until now, looked very well on Hinako. The distribution of the materials for clothing would also turn to be regulated, in this age where even the permanent is prohibited, even so Hinako doesn't forget her brilliance in the cases when she'd meet with me.
Ready for abuse, Hinako's house that he appeared at. Facing each other at the desk by the parlour, Mitsunobu just bows his head.
Only to this person, I can do nothing but apologize, Making her accompany me for a long time by my selfish half-hearted worries/agony, since I'm in this state at the end, no matter how much abuse I receive, I don't mind.
Hinako speaks in a voice that doesn't hide anger.
[Mitsunobu-sama]
[Yes]
[You may think of be being conceited even though I'm just a woman, however, I had thought that I'm in harmony with Mitsunobu-sama. Which is why it had lasted this long, is what I thought.]
[Yes]
[And yet, for you to say that you wish to cancel the talk about marriage at this late point, there would be a suitable reason for it wouldn't there? Just what is it that displeased you? I have a right to hear the reason]
It's as Hinako says. I should probably tell the reason.
Which is why raising my head, I spoke plainly.
[There is a person I've been hopelessly in love with, for a long time]
[...And who would be this lady or gentleman?]
[It's a man you aren't acquaintanted with. A friend from my student days]
As might be expected, this seemed to bewilder even Hinako. There would be silence as if saying ''I'm dumbfounded'', slowly she opens her lips.
[I'm surprised]
[Naturally]
[It's a scandal]
[I think so as well]
With a face as if having quite a bit to say, Hinako puts a hand to her chin.
[...By no means did I ever imagine, that my fiance would be taken from me by a man]
[It would be helpful, if you just thought of it that our encounter was too late. You are a splendid woman]
[Even if you use such flattery, at this point, it only seems like sarcasm]
Even though I'm not in a position that would permit it, feeling like I'm about to smile I supressed it in a hurry. Certainly, it would probably only sound like sarcasm, but it's also my true feelings..
[However, thanks to you telling me, I finally understand]
['Understand' what?]
[Since you're this hesitant about the wedding, that you probably would have another woman somewhere, my parents had investigated it quite zealously. However, saying one could not find any traces of it, they wracked their brains. ]
[...I see]
In a place unknown to me, it developed to such measures. It's not unreasonable that they couldn't find anything since neither did I have spare time to play around, nor could I meet with Norizane that often.
Hinako would ponder for a brief moment, and then she nodded.
[All right. Marrying a person like that, would be the same as ruining myself. I'm refusing from this side--is what I'd like to say]
Her tone changes. That sharpness, that she would show from time to time, would peek though.
[Mitsunobu-sama, I wonder if you realize that what you wish to do would be the same as staining the personal history of the person called, myself]
I was aware of it.
A nobles breaking off of an engagement. Material like this is always the target of public attention. If a mistake is made, she'll probably treated as that she was deficient as a woman.
[If I announce that you where a house of homosexuals, my status may raise for a lot. If I said that I wished to do that, what do you intend to do?]
[No, there's no need to burden you. I feel that I wouldn't mind if I myself officialy announced it]
Speaking honestly, I had realized that there was also the possibility of that danger. Though causing trouble for my parents would be the same either way, however if worse come to worse, becoming disinherited, there is still something I can do.
[Luckily, I have a junior who works at a publisher. If it becomes public first, it won't be unnatural even if you annulled the engagement from your side]
[And? You wish to make me say 'do that'?]
[...My apologies. It's as you say]
Making up my mind, I ought to be in charge of it. Making sure that Hinako's name wouldn't be shamed for the me who had been false, it's the only thing I can do right now.
However, opposite of Mitsunobu who had stiffened his face, Hinako suddenly sighed.
[...Hinako-san?]
There is no reponse. Wondering if she had watched Mitsunobu for a while, she looks downward. The slightly curled hair would sway, though I had been in a dissaray for a moment thinking that she may be crying, it seems like she's laughing.
Not really understanding anything as I'd watch over her, shedding a big sigh once more, Hinako raised her head.
[Until the very end, Mitsunobu-sama did not understand that I'm a human being]
[...And just what, would that mean?]
[I dislike stuff like that. I would think that you'd realize at least that much, considering we've been together this long]
It felt like blood rushed to my face. Being told that, for the first time, I realize that twofold and threefold I had commited a mistake.
That I in the end, had not taken her seriously, I was made to realize at this moment.
Hinako, after smiling, continues.
[Shall I speak honestly?]
[Yes]
[I too, ddn't really feel like going along with this wedding. ...No, not because of Mitsunobu-sama or anything, I had no interest in marriage to beging with.]
「…………」
[I hate being locked up inside the house. I hate being forced into a role I don't wish for. Therefore, I also was grateful that Mitsunobu-sama was delaying the marriage ceremony. As proof of that, I, didn't ever make demands did I?]
[...Yes]
[Though Mitsunobu-sama wouldn't notice, I too was sitting with my legs crossed.]
She smiles with a rather cheerrful face.
[Truly, you were a clumsy person]
[So it seems]
[Don't you think, that we probably weren't suited for each other? I think we'd just keep arguing, if we married]
[...That may be so]
The sun was obscured. Hinako reaches her hand out to the now completely cooled off tea. I called out to that dignified face.
[Hinako-san]
[Yes, what would be the matter?]
[...Thank you]
'By this person indeed, there was nothing else I could do past bowing my head?', is what I thought..
[Hmm~...However, I wonder how much of that was her true feelings?]
[What do you mean?]
At the usual bar, Mayumi who sat down next to to him, answers Mitsunobu's question with a bit of an evil look.
[No matter how much you say it was because it was convenient, she dated you until now after soothing her parents and relatives, right? I would think it as itself to be troublesome]
「…………」
[Somehow or other, weren't you liked quite a bit?]
Mitsunobu, inclining his glass, told a lie.
[Who knows? I don't understand a woman's heart]
[Isn't it more, that you don't wish to think of it since it'll sprout feelings of guilt?]
[...Don't stab at the bulls-eye. If it's feeling guilt, then I've been doing that all the time for several years]
As Mayumi would laugh while raising his voice, I reach out my hand to the alchohol with a thin taste.
[However, wasn't it a blessing? That it settled with no great uproar]
[Since they're not lacking in news about 'war this, war that'. It probably means that both newspapers and magazines don't have a brush they can waste too long on stuff like that]
Actually, it did ride on newspapers and magazines, however it was pulled up by the roots that much. It's probably thanks to the excuse, of it right now being a major incident by the country and so forth, had passed.
Terunobu did make noise about disinheriting and such, however my mother Kinue chose my side. Though it is also dangerous right now if we met, if comparing to when I kept deceiving the liar Hinako, though I think it's selfish, my heart feels light.
In the first place, there is approval for nobleman's marriage from cabinet minister Miyauchi. In cases of further misonduct, when a nobles dignity would be tarnished considerably, there's also cases of the one who runs the investure appearing, however
''Even if you say that the bonds with the Sumeragi household are deep, there are also houses that were destroyed even after prospering the society many times? Even if it's difficult, could it not be settled with just a warning?'' Hinako's speech. And actually, there even was no warning.
Headed by the conferemce, the two-way agreement of breaking off engagement. Though Hinako also cooperated, let's say it took form as settling the case leaving no parties dissatisfied.
By the people of Hinako's house, she had them not come into play. Though it's not like she wished to rub it in but that there also were no fatal wounds reveived, is also thanks to her. Though I don't know if I'll ever see her again after this, surely already, for the rest of my lifetime I can be no match for her.
Mayumi, with air as if somehow amazed, laughs.
[Senpai is a lucky man, isn't he? Even the deadlocks you come up against areend up good no matter what]
[Seriously]
Parting with Mayumi at the front of the store, I started to walk towards the car. For the sphare of neon lights that dissapeared, I casually reach out my hand towards the stars I can see well.
--Tsuchida.
I want to see you. I want to talk to you. I wish to report to you, that I'm making the preparations for the sake of ''living freely''.
Though I had hurt a lot of people, that little by little I am able to breathe easier, telling you that I want to show it to you while smiling.
The end of the busy wedding celebration, the house after Hikaruko married, became completely desolate. The one who was the most dispirited among the family members was Teruaki, though I was a bit surprised by that, if I think that he also had human kindness like that, for some reason I also felt relief.
It seemed like my parents already had reached their beds, requesting tea by a maid who emerged to greet me, I retire to my own room.
Lately, it seemed like the amount of electricity used per month had come under restriction as well. Though it seems it will be overlooked if it's this household but, since that is unfair as well, it was a few days ago when I pulled out the lamp after how many years?
Once lighting the fire, I remember the nights at the storehouse during my student days to the flickering brightness.
As I'd turn over the documents in preparation for the meeting tommorow where it has been decided that I'll abide to as fathers substitute, the sound of someone knocking at the door.
[Mitsunobu-sama]
[Tokieda, huh. Come in]
Tokieda's tall figure, opening the side door, bowed.
[What's the matter?]
[Moments ago I had received information. Among the 11 transport ships that headed for Gashima, 7 have sunk.]
--In an instant, blood froze throughout my body.
Awkwardly, I turn my back to Tokieda.
[...The ship Tsuchida was on?]
[It's unclear]
[What about the remaining ships?]
[Encoutering a violent attack from the sky, it seems they weren't able to reach Gashima, they are retreating]
[At which harbour they will arrive at, please investigate immediately]
[As you wish]
The sound of Tokieda leaving the room. His presence would dissapear by the corridor, at that exact moment, my whole body trembled.
--Tsuchida.
I link my hands. As if praying I pressed my forehead against them.
--...Tsuchida-!
TBC
...Let's just say that it is this chapter indeed, where I fully fell for Hinako.