Two Fucktasms of Monday
So I had been noticing for the past 10 or so days that I seemed to keep waking up to somebody's car alarm going off. I thought maybe there was an epidemic of car thefts or something, and I was glad I didn't have a car myself. However, I have slowly come to realize that I have no reason to be happy about my car not getting stolen. In fact, I realized no one's car has been getting stolen. No, there was something rhythmical about this "epidemic" of car thefts. You see, it has dawned on me that the same car seems to get "stolen" at 7:22 every morning.
Can you guess why?
Hmm . . . why does my neighbor's car alarm go off every morning at 7:22 for about 30 seconds, and then shut off without having been touched?
BECAUSE HE'S USING IT AS AN ALARM CLOCK, OF COURSE!!!!!!!!
What a fucking brilliant idea. I don't think you could be more obtusely obnoxious if you tried. Waking a WHOLE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD of crowded apartment buildings at 7 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING! "But this way I don't have to go to the effort of BUYING A FUCKING ALARM CLOCK, so I SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS!"
Dumb fucking ass die die die.
Next is a subject that causes fewer homicidal tendencies to rise in me, but irks me nonetheless.
I was back at NYU the other day, and I had forgotten how annoying it was that our bathroom has 5 sinks.
And 2 soap dispensers.
Mmhmm. Common sense tells me this must be right. When installing five sinks in a men's room, only two should have soap dispensers on them. Obviously. It's not even like the other three soap dispensers are broken and they are too lazy to fix them. No, they just NEVER PUT THEM IN.
WHAT THE FUCK? They make it like a fucking option! Like "do you prefer smoking or non?" only in this case more like "Do you prefer to wash the piss off your germy hands or would you prefer to let them FESTER as if your HANDS were your GERMY ASS-CRACK?" "Hmm ... well, that is tough to decide--is there a shorter wait for the festering germy ass-crack? Oh, nevermind, whichever opens up first is fine- I'm not picky."
Ya know?
Can you guess why?
Hmm . . . why does my neighbor's car alarm go off every morning at 7:22 for about 30 seconds, and then shut off without having been touched?
BECAUSE HE'S USING IT AS AN ALARM CLOCK, OF COURSE!!!!!!!!
What a fucking brilliant idea. I don't think you could be more obtusely obnoxious if you tried. Waking a WHOLE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD of crowded apartment buildings at 7 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING! "But this way I don't have to go to the effort of BUYING A FUCKING ALARM CLOCK, so I SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS!"
Dumb fucking ass die die die.
Next is a subject that causes fewer homicidal tendencies to rise in me, but irks me nonetheless.
I was back at NYU the other day, and I had forgotten how annoying it was that our bathroom has 5 sinks.
And 2 soap dispensers.
Mmhmm. Common sense tells me this must be right. When installing five sinks in a men's room, only two should have soap dispensers on them. Obviously. It's not even like the other three soap dispensers are broken and they are too lazy to fix them. No, they just NEVER PUT THEM IN.
WHAT THE FUCK? They make it like a fucking option! Like "do you prefer smoking or non?" only in this case more like "Do you prefer to wash the piss off your germy hands or would you prefer to let them FESTER as if your HANDS were your GERMY ASS-CRACK?" "Hmm ... well, that is tough to decide--is there a shorter wait for the festering germy ass-crack? Oh, nevermind, whichever opens up first is fine- I'm not picky."
Ya know?