silly doctors...
So I hate physicals. I always have.
Talk about uncomfortable.
First, you pee in a cup. That's just gross.
Next you get to lounge around in a really ugly waiting room. Good news is, you get awesome stuff to read! Like "Parent" magazine, "Housekeeping and You" and the occasional Smithsonian.
And here's the fun part: Your name is called (usually mispronounced)by that receptionist. You know, the one that looks your grandmother, wearing a shirt your grandmother would throw out?
You file into those lovely generic little rooms, complete with ominous looking examining tables, and jars of cotton swabs. This is a nice opportunity to think about just how much fun the appointment will be, as you sit around in that overly airconditioned hell hole for easily 20 minutes before your doctor finally decides to show. What is it with people and making entrances these days? Jesus.
Then the doctor arrives.
"Hiyah Morgan, having a good summer? Great, me too! Planning on playing sports in the fall, oh really, soccer? Wonderful. Gooo exercise! Problems at home? No? Awesome. Allergies? Really? Oh, too bad. Now I'm going to poke you everywhere and make you feel super uncomfortable! Ok, so let's get started!"
Then you're measured (5'5" by the way...score!) and weighed and then they tell you exactly how much weight you've gained in a year! Super!
And then they make you feel really good about yourself:
"So, Morgan, currently in a relationship?"
"..no"
"No boyfriend, really?
"No."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"So no dating for you, eh?"
"Nope"
"And so you're...all alone. Have I got that right?"
"Yep. All alone."
"......So there is absolutely no one in your life-"
"YES"
"Fabulous, let's move on."
And the best part:
"Alright. Now I understand you are single, no relationship, totally alone, no dating whatsoever buutttttttttt...I have to warn you. Some teenagers are often known to get into sticky situations if you know what I'm getting at." (suggestive eye brow lift)
"I get it."
"Because Morgan...you're a nice girl. I don't want you making any BIG MISTAKES, you know what I mean?"
"Yep."
"Morgan, do you know what an STD is?"
"..Yes. Yes I do."
"Well JUST IN CASE here is a large, cumbersome packet for you describing evvvvrything you need to know about STDs! Would you like some pamphlets on underage alcohol consumption?"
"I'm good thanks."
"Ok, see you soon!"
Hahaha...that's what you think, Dr. I'm-so-awesome-I-went-to-med-school.
Talk about uncomfortable.
First, you pee in a cup. That's just gross.
Next you get to lounge around in a really ugly waiting room. Good news is, you get awesome stuff to read! Like "Parent" magazine, "Housekeeping and You" and the occasional Smithsonian.
And here's the fun part: Your name is called (usually mispronounced)by that receptionist. You know, the one that looks your grandmother, wearing a shirt your grandmother would throw out?
You file into those lovely generic little rooms, complete with ominous looking examining tables, and jars of cotton swabs. This is a nice opportunity to think about just how much fun the appointment will be, as you sit around in that overly airconditioned hell hole for easily 20 minutes before your doctor finally decides to show. What is it with people and making entrances these days? Jesus.
Then the doctor arrives.
"Hiyah Morgan, having a good summer? Great, me too! Planning on playing sports in the fall, oh really, soccer? Wonderful. Gooo exercise! Problems at home? No? Awesome. Allergies? Really? Oh, too bad. Now I'm going to poke you everywhere and make you feel super uncomfortable! Ok, so let's get started!"
Then you're measured (5'5" by the way...score!) and weighed and then they tell you exactly how much weight you've gained in a year! Super!
And then they make you feel really good about yourself:
"So, Morgan, currently in a relationship?"
"..no"
"No boyfriend, really?
"No."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"So no dating for you, eh?"
"Nope"
"And so you're...all alone. Have I got that right?"
"Yep. All alone."
"......So there is absolutely no one in your life-"
"YES"
"Fabulous, let's move on."
And the best part:
"Alright. Now I understand you are single, no relationship, totally alone, no dating whatsoever buutttttttttt...I have to warn you. Some teenagers are often known to get into sticky situations if you know what I'm getting at." (suggestive eye brow lift)
"I get it."
"Because Morgan...you're a nice girl. I don't want you making any BIG MISTAKES, you know what I mean?"
"Yep."
"Morgan, do you know what an STD is?"
"..Yes. Yes I do."
"Well JUST IN CASE here is a large, cumbersome packet for you describing evvvvrything you need to know about STDs! Would you like some pamphlets on underage alcohol consumption?"
"I'm good thanks."
"Ok, see you soon!"
Hahaha...that's what you think, Dr. I'm-so-awesome-I-went-to-med-school.