i feel...
I dont really know what to write, do i ever? but i feel like i want to write because i feel like i have something i want to get off my chest. i dont really know what that something is...but like i said its just the feeling. I feel like somethings wrong...but nothings wrong..or is it? its like im worried about something but i have nothing to be worried about. GAH! its the worst feeling in the world and i ALWAYS have it! that, and i have nightmares almost everynight. whats wrong with me? im happy but i have been in the weirdest moods lately. i hate being emotional but sometimes its like thats all i am. i feel stupid and worthless when i cry especially when its in front of people.
so today i went with to the mall with my mom and miranda met us there. i always come back misserable when i go to the mall...i hate that.
After dinner i picked up jennifer and we watched Garden State...it was emotional. it made me want to go hug someone...so i hugged her. i was grateful to have something to do tonight other than read and waiting patheticaly with my cell phone hoping scottie will call me.
Ive come to realize i wait for things WAY to much. its pathetic really. and ive been doing that since...forever. when i was little instead of me calling my friends to "play" as we called it then, i waited untill they called me..Which they rarely did so i was often dissapointed. i still do that. Im always sitting around waiting for something, for once id like to be the one who is having someone wait for me because at least then id feel needed. im scared because im afraid ill miss something if i wait all the time. like waiting for something will hold me back...it will. i need to learn to be more outgoing and brave. i guess ill have to work on it.
so today i went with to the mall with my mom and miranda met us there. i always come back misserable when i go to the mall...i hate that.
After dinner i picked up jennifer and we watched Garden State...it was emotional. it made me want to go hug someone...so i hugged her. i was grateful to have something to do tonight other than read and waiting patheticaly with my cell phone hoping scottie will call me.
Ive come to realize i wait for things WAY to much. its pathetic really. and ive been doing that since...forever. when i was little instead of me calling my friends to "play" as we called it then, i waited untill they called me..Which they rarely did so i was often dissapointed. i still do that. Im always sitting around waiting for something, for once id like to be the one who is having someone wait for me because at least then id feel needed. im scared because im afraid ill miss something if i wait all the time. like waiting for something will hold me back...it will. i need to learn to be more outgoing and brave. i guess ill have to work on it.