Contemplating
Life is crazy...you hear this all the time.
I'm here typing on my bf's computer at his apartment...waiting for him to come home from the club after hanging with his new friends from work. Do I worry...of course.
Let's be honest people...I'm a person of modest looks...I'm not your conventional gay guy who looks like he could grace the pages of Kenneth Cole, A and F, nor even Sears. But I do know who I am and that is that I'm a good guy, a caring man, a sentimental romantic, and a devoted lover. Goodlooking men in the gay world come dime a dozen...but men of substance like myself are rare. I worry that my man will perhaps find someone who has the same personality in a better outer package...I'm sure everyone's gone through this...but the only way to survive it is to treat your man well and to keep your faith in them that they're very happy...happy enough to remain....to stay...to love you unconditionally. I'm trying my best...though I have my suspicions I try to lock it as hard as I could...try to shove it to the nether regions of my thoughts...cause relationships are based on trust...and I HAVE TO trust him whole heartedly...cause there's no other way to do it.
DJ's such an awesome boyfriend...sometimes we joke...and sometimes we poke fun at each other and it gets out of hand...especially when I hit him with my insecure banters of "I know you're seeing someone on the side." when truth is he isn't...and all it does is hurt his feelings. I need to quit doing that...cause it's not very healthy for the relationship. I do feel bad for doing it.
He needs to make friends...establish a good circle. The only thing is that I can't get enough of the guy. He's so much fun to be with. I want him all to myself...and to some extent he is...but I just wish there was a machine of some sort that could show or make him feel the way I feel when I'm around him. He'd probably feel overwhelmed.
Even right now...I'm missing him...and I know folks say it's only the beginning...but I've always been like this with the men I become involved with. When I fall...I fall hard...and I give myself belly up...cause I have nothing to hide, and everything else to share.
Funny how Baccardi and Coke can make you open up so easily. ^_^ Just one more thing...God...if you can read this which I'm sure you can...please...give me the strength to give my bf all the good things that I can possibly give him...keep him safe and protected...and if this is it finally...thank you for blessing me with such a guy. I'm thankful everyday...DJ's become the reason why I smile every morning.
I'm here typing on my bf's computer at his apartment...waiting for him to come home from the club after hanging with his new friends from work. Do I worry...of course.
Let's be honest people...I'm a person of modest looks...I'm not your conventional gay guy who looks like he could grace the pages of Kenneth Cole, A and F, nor even Sears. But I do know who I am and that is that I'm a good guy, a caring man, a sentimental romantic, and a devoted lover. Goodlooking men in the gay world come dime a dozen...but men of substance like myself are rare. I worry that my man will perhaps find someone who has the same personality in a better outer package...I'm sure everyone's gone through this...but the only way to survive it is to treat your man well and to keep your faith in them that they're very happy...happy enough to remain....to stay...to love you unconditionally. I'm trying my best...though I have my suspicions I try to lock it as hard as I could...try to shove it to the nether regions of my thoughts...cause relationships are based on trust...and I HAVE TO trust him whole heartedly...cause there's no other way to do it.
DJ's such an awesome boyfriend...sometimes we joke...and sometimes we poke fun at each other and it gets out of hand...especially when I hit him with my insecure banters of "I know you're seeing someone on the side." when truth is he isn't...and all it does is hurt his feelings. I need to quit doing that...cause it's not very healthy for the relationship. I do feel bad for doing it.
He needs to make friends...establish a good circle. The only thing is that I can't get enough of the guy. He's so much fun to be with. I want him all to myself...and to some extent he is...but I just wish there was a machine of some sort that could show or make him feel the way I feel when I'm around him. He'd probably feel overwhelmed.
Even right now...I'm missing him...and I know folks say it's only the beginning...but I've always been like this with the men I become involved with. When I fall...I fall hard...and I give myself belly up...cause I have nothing to hide, and everything else to share.
Funny how Baccardi and Coke can make you open up so easily. ^_^ Just one more thing...God...if you can read this which I'm sure you can...please...give me the strength to give my bf all the good things that I can possibly give him...keep him safe and protected...and if this is it finally...thank you for blessing me with such a guy. I'm thankful everyday...DJ's become the reason why I smile every morning.