poo
I've been watching so freaking much Buffy in the past couple of months... not like there's much better to do, anyway. It's made me think a lot, though. I miss my mom and my grandparents and my brother... Buffy's mom just died. I can't stand the thought of losing anyone I love. It's good that I'm moving back to the East Coast so that I can spend more time with all of these people I feel I have neglected. Another thing Buffy made me realize is that all the little things slip out of your memory if you don't keep track of it, and what better a way than to write(type) it down.
Woke up this morning later than I wanted to. As usual. I was doing really good for a while there with waking up ass early. I was also going to sleep at like 8pm so it wasn't like I was too tired to wake up at 4am. Justin works now, so I tend to stay up so I can talk to him on the daily. I've considered not calling him every day. It's not like I feel the NEED to like I'm addicted to him, I mean I talked to him for like 10 minutes yesterday when I got off work. It was pretty much just a casual conversation(slight lovey talk, too, of course), but I dunno... It's just different with him. I feel like I need him in the sense that I want him. Not like I unhealthily have to have him to support my sole existance. It's nice.
I've also realized(yet again, thanks to Buffy) that I was treating Justin like rebound boyfriend. Not like I was actually treating HIM like that, but that's how I was handling my own emotions in the situation. Before things went down, I just secretly wanted Justin more than anyone in the world. He was perfect. After coming back to my island once we had been pretty much established, my feelings toward him started to fade... a lot. I started thinking that maybe he was just a 'flash in the pan,' but it didn't seem right. Easily dismissed as such, I know, but I just couldn't place what was going on with me. I thought about how much I liked him before I found out that he liked me... and came to the conclusion that I can't not love him. He's perfect. I had just become accustomed to being on my own and not needing anyone so much that I instinctively... unconscienciously began pushing him away from myself. It's okay to love. So what if things go wrong and someone gets hurt... life goes on. I'm just glad I realized that before I never got to find out.
Works been really slow. Loads of free time to do things such as aimlessly browse myspace and stare at the wall blankly. Thankfully, there was a mission to clean today. Some big guy from corporate on his way. Apparently likes for things to be clean. Whatever. It gave me something productive to do. Jo, Cate, and I were talking about all these ideas we come up with that never get fabricated, how all the everyday people who've struck gold in the good life department recently, and how you can do anything if you set your mind to it. Melissa's little brother, Kenny, his band, Red Handed, just signed to Virgin Records, for example. I can do anything. There's just this one dilemma... have to decide on something to set my mind to. Therein lies the problem.
Losing weight is always something that's on my mind. It's been getting better, though. Been trying to walk to and from work... was doing good for a while, got slack, now I'm trying to get back in the habit. Starting to watch what I eat... after doing the whole no/low carb thing it put me in a wierd mindset. It's a pretty tricky transition, going from focusing on nothing but the amount of carb consumption to balancing it with calories and amount of food period. But I can do it. I've come this far... and it's really not that hard. It just takes determination, and I've got it. I just have to adjust my habits to accomodate the lifestyle I want.
Woke up this morning later than I wanted to. As usual. I was doing really good for a while there with waking up ass early. I was also going to sleep at like 8pm so it wasn't like I was too tired to wake up at 4am. Justin works now, so I tend to stay up so I can talk to him on the daily. I've considered not calling him every day. It's not like I feel the NEED to like I'm addicted to him, I mean I talked to him for like 10 minutes yesterday when I got off work. It was pretty much just a casual conversation(slight lovey talk, too, of course), but I dunno... It's just different with him. I feel like I need him in the sense that I want him. Not like I unhealthily have to have him to support my sole existance. It's nice.
I've also realized(yet again, thanks to Buffy) that I was treating Justin like rebound boyfriend. Not like I was actually treating HIM like that, but that's how I was handling my own emotions in the situation. Before things went down, I just secretly wanted Justin more than anyone in the world. He was perfect. After coming back to my island once we had been pretty much established, my feelings toward him started to fade... a lot. I started thinking that maybe he was just a 'flash in the pan,' but it didn't seem right. Easily dismissed as such, I know, but I just couldn't place what was going on with me. I thought about how much I liked him before I found out that he liked me... and came to the conclusion that I can't not love him. He's perfect. I had just become accustomed to being on my own and not needing anyone so much that I instinctively... unconscienciously began pushing him away from myself. It's okay to love. So what if things go wrong and someone gets hurt... life goes on. I'm just glad I realized that before I never got to find out.
Works been really slow. Loads of free time to do things such as aimlessly browse myspace and stare at the wall blankly. Thankfully, there was a mission to clean today. Some big guy from corporate on his way. Apparently likes for things to be clean. Whatever. It gave me something productive to do. Jo, Cate, and I were talking about all these ideas we come up with that never get fabricated, how all the everyday people who've struck gold in the good life department recently, and how you can do anything if you set your mind to it. Melissa's little brother, Kenny, his band, Red Handed, just signed to Virgin Records, for example. I can do anything. There's just this one dilemma... have to decide on something to set my mind to. Therein lies the problem.
Losing weight is always something that's on my mind. It's been getting better, though. Been trying to walk to and from work... was doing good for a while, got slack, now I'm trying to get back in the habit. Starting to watch what I eat... after doing the whole no/low carb thing it put me in a wierd mindset. It's a pretty tricky transition, going from focusing on nothing but the amount of carb consumption to balancing it with calories and amount of food period. But I can do it. I've come this far... and it's really not that hard. It just takes determination, and I've got it. I just have to adjust my habits to accomodate the lifestyle I want.