I “love” my boo…
Dear Absent Valentine,
You didn’t show up this year. You didn’t show up last year either. Fuck, now that I think about it, I’ve never even seen you before. But that’s not important. What’s important is that I really like you a lot. If you were hear today I’d treat you to a Swanson’s TV dinner, and a movie I got off netflix. Do you like the Back to the Future Trilogy? If so, I can arrange a private viewing for us in my floor’s common room. Just the two of us, a Swanson’s dinner, and Michael J. Fox trying to bang his mom. Let’s do this…
Okay, that’s it. Valentine’s Day sucks so much. Some girl walked into my philosophy class with roses (how fucking cliché!), and all the other chicks just started complimenting her on such a romantic gift. Yea, real romantic…like my black ass…
If I had a regular booty call (i.e. girlfriend), I’d buy her things in honor of the most miniscule occurrences, and totally skip Valentine’s Day. Anyone who places any emphasis on today is a fucking loser. And forget about buying flowers, teddy bears, and heart-shaped peeps…it’s all about vinyl records and hand made-sweaters.
ARGH! Who the fuck am I kidding here? Does anyone want to go eat dinner with me tonight? I’ll take you someplace nice and sketchy. And I’ll pay for it too. We don’t have to make rabid animal love afterwards…unless you insist. If there is more than one of you out there, we can totally make this a group extravaganza. FYI, I ran out of my birth control pills, so there’s definitely some risk involved. Someone switched them with my vitamins, and being the observant health freak I am, totally didn’t notice.
AND SOMEONE FIX THE ELEVATORS IN TOWER C!!! They are the most retarded inanimate objects ever. Now, if you will, please enjoy this small picture of Yanni.
