Raindrops are falling on my head…or is that your drunk cousin on the roof?
DAMMIT! I tried my best NOT to post until the day before I leave for Boston, but I couldn’t help myself. After realizing that my “New Year” doesn’t technically start until January 13th, I just couldn’t resist. I’ll probably be celebrating it in a dorm room, with a bottle of cheap vodka, all alone…and now that I think about it, that’ll probably be a lot like my birthday 10 days later. BUT HEY!!! Let’s look on the bright side -- NYE wasn’t such a bad evening. I woke up severely inebriated with two furry looking hush puppies drawn on my arm, and a GIANT portabella mushroom on my right cheek. At least that’s what they looked like to me. I’m not too sure, but whoever drew them must have been starving. Luckily, they washed off. Mostly.
Well, since everyone is being introspective and loathsome about how they are such terrible people and really need to fix their lives…I’ve decided to do the same thing. But these resolutions aren’t just for the new year, they are resolutions for the New Day -- everyday that is my New Life. Before I implode into a pile of emotional laxative, I’ll place my goals underneath an LJ-cut, so as not to gang bang your “friends page” with my best entry of the year, thus far! Go place some shrimp on the grill, open up a bottle of yoo-hoo, and unbuckle your pants…this may take awhile…
1) I need to get more people I know from San Antonio to get into LJ. The girls would probably be down for this, but not the guys. I don’t see why most males view LJ as feminine. I write here to express myself -- my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions -- and hopefully be embraced by strangers, many of whom may or may not exist. Oh, wait. That does sound pretty funky. I’ll just forget about this one for now.
2) I need to bring back my zany science experiments from childhood. I’m going to restart a science project I left behind in the 3rd grade. Using Lucky Charms cereal, I’m going to fulfill my daily nutritional value of vitamins & calories by eating nothing but cereal for a week. I chickened out last time because my fingernails turned blue before I was finished, but I’m not afraid anymore. And no, this is not a plug from Lucky Charms cereal. I am not being paid by Lucky Charms cereal to mention their product five times. I’m just a casual consumer of Lucky Charms cereal as part of a balanced diet, which for purposes of this experiment will only include Lucky Charms cereal.
3) I need to meet the woman of my dreams. A woman who I will bump heads with when we both bend down to pick up a spare penny. She’ll criticize me for being a greedy bastard, and I’ll call her a sniveling wench. Then, as our eyes gaze deeply into the abyss of each other’s soul, we’ll make passionate love right there on the sidewalk. In front of the all tourists, the Police Commissioner, and the Duke of Wellington. Yea, I’ll be on the lookout for her.
4) I need to buy Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story on VHS. That is by far the most hilarious movie of 2004. White Goodman embodies the person I am today, and I’m so much better than everyone else because of it.
5) I need to find a job. I’d like play bass in a Tejano band called Los Scabs. We would travel up and down the Southwest looking for shows to play in exchange for tequila. Fuck all those rock stars pretending to “live a lifestyle”. Fake ass bitches, Tejano is the only lifestyle! No, no. I’m just kidding. You know, pulling your leg. Yanking your chain. Gently caressing your hair and twirling it around my finger. Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it, beh-beh.
Yep. I think that’s about it for now. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going back to El Casa de HALO 2, where the liquor runs about as quickly as I ruin your shit with a rocket launcher. 10 days…