The REAL purpose of life...REVEALED!
Some people seek the meaning of their existence for their entire lives. Some, are even willing to travel to the ends of the Earth, to the boundaries of the psychical realm, passed the endless minefields of the human psyche -- for the very essence of what it is I am about to share with you, LJ land.
We live to ensure the survival of the species because mankind’s keenest instinct is that of survival. Our purpose, to extend the life cycle, and complete ours when our battery runs dry. The best way to ensure that you are remembered is to either invest your lifetime into creating the cure for a previously incurable disease, or have a child and do everything in your power to see to it that they understand that it is through them that you will live on…forever. Let’s make a choice, sex or the advancement of science? I for one choose to surrender my body and my senses to nature, to the true purpose of life…
This purpose isn’t to be well educated. This purpose isn’t to have a good paying job. This purpose isn’t to be successful in our financial endeavors. Those are all just supplements towards making ourselves more appealing to the opposite sex in order to procreate. I know, I know - you're amazed that I’ve already got it all figured out, but this is only the tip of the iceberg, there’s so much more to this than categorizing life as a Darwinist flesh fest.
I’m going to develop the most powerful pheromone cologne known to humanity. It will make any man, and I mean ANY man, attractive to ANY female. It’s going to be called “Cedar & Construction.” You get the natural scent of the outdoors, plus the manly essence of building a house or mini shopping mall. Add in the pheromones, and you’ve got yourself the most sexy smelling man. Ever.
Seriously! Are you getting me? ARE YOU? For just 5 easy payments, FIVE payments of $5.88, you can have any woman, anywhere, at anytime. All you have to do is spot “Cedar & Construction” around the collar area, and wait for teh wom3n to r0xz0r your w0rld.
Basically, I plan on going to various construction sites around San Antonio and using topper ware boxes to capture the scent. I’ll also be removing nectar from the cedar trees to use as a liquid base. I’m still figuring out a way to extract the pheromones, but I’m pretty much up for anything. Anything. Peter helped devise the cologne name awhile back, so he’s entitled to .05% of business revenues. I’ll see his ass in court if he thinks he’s taking anymore than that. ARGH!
To the critics who want to talk shit because they fear a massive wave of pregnancies, I will tell those fools to stop being sexual ‘girlie men’ and chill out. It’s a free country, and with all this stagnation of expression abound, maybe everybody just needs to loosen up. The more babies being made, the stronger the workforce will be, the bigger our economy will grow, and the more we can stick it to some two bit shit nation to import bananas for free.
Well that, and I don’t really give a fuck (no pun intended) about over population. If need be, we could totally place an age cap on the population at the age of 40 or something. No need to worry, the best way to dispose of people would be dumping the off a mountain top or having them duke it out Battle Royale style on some abandoned island. Yea, that’s it, make them earn their right to live.
Also in development is “Peaches & Herb” for the ladies, and “New Car Smell & Potpourri” for the folks who play for both teams. I have no idea how that’s going to work out, but I’ll find a way. Oh, I will. And, if anyone else wants to get in on this, go for it. If Mark Cuban can make a BILLION dollars being a loud mouth meglomaniac addicted to cheap gin and strippers, I see no reason why I can’t either. FUCK YOU MARK CUBAN!!!
99% of the people reading this have absolutely no fucking idea what the hell they just read, nor why they even read it in the first place.