long time....... no talk?

[koolaid_fan_03]

well its been a good while since i have up dated and well lots of stupid shit has happened since my last stupid up date.and its all pritty much worthless 2 write so i won't! but yeah im back at skool so that suxs.ok w/e let me cut the bull shit out!! i whanted 2 up date 2 bitch ok so w/e u can stop reading at this point on if u like. I just realized that the true meaning of.... umm well how money is worthless it means nothing and it can't make me happy. only bc in the past i thought money = happiness i know thats kinda shitty 2 have thought but ohh well. thats me i have gone on this while sepending spree 4 3 weeks now andall i have 2 say is that i fell like shit bc of some thing that was said 2 me. One of the bus boys at work told me that i wasn't fuckable..!!??? and yes im about 2 bitch about my weight im jsut 2 fat and i feel like shit about it. bc i thought about it on how as funny as it may sound im not really fuckable no one looks at me and thinks sexually about me. I don't know how i have been lying 2 my self all these years i just don't know how.Its just a point where im so sick of it no matter all the shit that i buy it just won't cut it!! i mean its not like i did it 4 that but i have bought a new computer, tv,12 t shirts, 2 sweatshirst,4 pants,5 pairs of shoes and other stupid shit. and all of it 4 what nothing. all that shit isn't going 2 make me any thinner!! none of it!! so its been a long time coming this time its 4 good im going 2 fucking diet and work out till i feel good about my self. now i find it funny thatstupid things that u think of change every thing 4 u. every thing u have ever thought of or belived. there just words but yet they hurt so.as well as reachens that people had towards me liking them. No one goes after me and its like they run if i express any feeling words them. Its happened 2 me so much lately that im done. Its game time 4 my fat ass!! i will do it this time! 4 me, 4 my family,4 my friends, and 4 that special some one out there...... yet 2 be found......ok
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
that was great im done bitching
love ya guys.