Change
I never really noticed how much things have changed since I graduated. I fell in love with a man I never thought I would (but I am SO glad I did), friends have come and gone, I can't decide what I want to do with my life, my good relationship with my Dad is gone and now I have a great one with my Mom, I couldn't manage to keep a friend in college, watched another one suffer through verbal abuse from her family, (I've kind of always seen this, but...) watch my friends smoke their life away with drugs, have a friend who decided to start cutting themselves for "punishment", try to help a friend who feels deserted by their friends, wish I knew how to help someone with a loss, try to "better" my life with plans of cleaning and getting a job and all that, but it seems like all I'm doing is sitting at a computer, watching TV, or gettin' laid. Pathetic isn't it? I know. But I never know what to say to someone to help them, I've always just been the listener. If you need to rant and rave to someone, call me up. I can listen, I just have never been quite good with the advice part. Never have, probably never will be. And that makes me feel bad. I wish I knew what to say to help. Or even what to do to help. Sometimes it feels like whatever I say or do to help, is actually hurting at the same time. But I'm so lost and confused, that I don't know what to do at all!
On a better note, talked to a friend that I haven't really talked to or seen in a long time. She's 8 months pregnant right now. I can't believe it. Last I knew, she wasn't about to date anyone, let alone sleep with them! I didn't know it but she met a guy and started dating him before school got out. I'm glad to hear that she is doing well. I'm planning on going to her baby shower next month. Never been to one. This should be interesting.
Change. I can't believe how much I've changed. When I was younger, I never wanted to grow up, never wanted to have any kids, and was never concerned with getting married or anything like that. I wanted to stay in my little world. True, there weren't too many people in my little world and I wasn't always happy, but it was all I had. Now, I can't wait for these years of college to speed up so I can be with Chris, maybe get married and even have kids. I'm crazy aren't I? As much as I want all this to happen, I don't want it to until I am done with school. Things just seem to go easier that way. Hell. I don't know. And I still have about 4 years to go anyway.
I wish I was more productive. That I DID something with my life. Yeah, I'm going to college and all and learning way too much (lol). But I don't feel right. My whole sleeping cycle is TOTALLY messed up probably for the rest of my life... I'm such a picky eater that I don't eat very well, I'm very out of shape, and I haven't really BEEN productive in a long time. Every time I get started with something, something goes wrong, something happens, or I get bored with it.
On a better note, talked to a friend that I haven't really talked to or seen in a long time. She's 8 months pregnant right now. I can't believe it. Last I knew, she wasn't about to date anyone, let alone sleep with them! I didn't know it but she met a guy and started dating him before school got out. I'm glad to hear that she is doing well. I'm planning on going to her baby shower next month. Never been to one. This should be interesting.
Change. I can't believe how much I've changed. When I was younger, I never wanted to grow up, never wanted to have any kids, and was never concerned with getting married or anything like that. I wanted to stay in my little world. True, there weren't too many people in my little world and I wasn't always happy, but it was all I had. Now, I can't wait for these years of college to speed up so I can be with Chris, maybe get married and even have kids. I'm crazy aren't I? As much as I want all this to happen, I don't want it to until I am done with school. Things just seem to go easier that way. Hell. I don't know. And I still have about 4 years to go anyway.
I wish I was more productive. That I DID something with my life. Yeah, I'm going to college and all and learning way too much (lol). But I don't feel right. My whole sleeping cycle is TOTALLY messed up probably for the rest of my life... I'm such a picky eater that I don't eat very well, I'm very out of shape, and I haven't really BEEN productive in a long time. Every time I get started with something, something goes wrong, something happens, or I get bored with it.