Fairness..........
Found out a couple friends of mine are pregnant together. Those of you that know me know that this is hard for me to hear. The friends in question are slightly banished from our group due to the question of of missing money. I am willing to forgive but that is not what this post is about.
This post is me getting a chance to whine a bit.
Why does this young couple get to have a child? They have been married maybe 3 months and have only known each other existed for maybe 5 months. They are some of the least responsible people I know. In some ways I dread what kind of rearing this child will have.
And why was I one of the first people they called? For the entire time I've known the mother-to-be, she has called me Mom. I have earned this name by harboring so many of my friends and generally mothering the whole lot of them. So The proud Papa calls me up and tells me I'm gonna be a grandma!! I almost hung up on him on the spot. I am very very VERY sensitive about anything pregnancy related due to my own difficulties.
In June, when I went to Spokane for my mother's surgery, I was talking with them while they smoked out behind the garage. They told me that they had had a pregnancy scare a few days back and we discussed the fact that they had considered coming to me to ask if I would adopt their child. At the time I told them that I would have strongly considered it. this happened before the whole money incident and me dating William.
The thought that came to my mind after getting off the phone was of that conversation of what might-have-beens that I had with them. Little voices in the back of my head pop up, wondering if they are going to end up asking me to clean up this boo boo. I told William about them talking to me in June about adopting. We had a short-ish discussion about our feelings in this regard. of course the young couple has had a few changes in their lives since June. He is now active Army, actually in Oklahoma for processing right now. She is living with her family in Spokane and going to be moving to Arizona to Live with his mother while he is in boot camp and tech school.
But being an Army wife isn't easy. and with him wanting to be a field medic, he is most likely to be deployed right out of tech school. that leaves her to give birth and start the raising of their child mostly on her own. She will have his mother there but none of her friends or family. She is even meeting his mother for the first time without him even being there!
So I don't know what they plan. He is so happy about the idea of being a father, but I don't think he has contemplated all the consequences, for him and her both. They are too young and irresponsible to be having a child1
And here I am. Taking meds that I hate because of what they do to me. Being tortured every time I see baby commercials. Knowing that others get and toss away opportunities that I dream about.
I want a family and nice little home. I want a pregnancy that brings into this world a child that is dearly loved by William and I.
Some may think that I have no right to judge others. that i have only known William for a few months. my answers to those people are that I know this couple is not ready for parenthood. and I may have only known William for a few months but that is why we are waiting until next year to get married. We are making sure it will work out before we do the whole wedding thing. In our hearts we are already devoted to each other and think of each other as husband and wife.
Most people know, but for those that don't, I have been actively trying to conceive since June of 2003. I have faced this dilemma multiple times. but this time seems to have pushed me over the edge.
I had just reached the point in my head that if I don't get pregnant after this bout of meds then I am going to stop freaking out over it until after the wedding. I don't know where i stand now.
This post is me getting a chance to whine a bit.
Why does this young couple get to have a child? They have been married maybe 3 months and have only known each other existed for maybe 5 months. They are some of the least responsible people I know. In some ways I dread what kind of rearing this child will have.
And why was I one of the first people they called? For the entire time I've known the mother-to-be, she has called me Mom. I have earned this name by harboring so many of my friends and generally mothering the whole lot of them. So The proud Papa calls me up and tells me I'm gonna be a grandma!! I almost hung up on him on the spot. I am very very VERY sensitive about anything pregnancy related due to my own difficulties.
In June, when I went to Spokane for my mother's surgery, I was talking with them while they smoked out behind the garage. They told me that they had had a pregnancy scare a few days back and we discussed the fact that they had considered coming to me to ask if I would adopt their child. At the time I told them that I would have strongly considered it. this happened before the whole money incident and me dating William.
The thought that came to my mind after getting off the phone was of that conversation of what might-have-beens that I had with them. Little voices in the back of my head pop up, wondering if they are going to end up asking me to clean up this boo boo. I told William about them talking to me in June about adopting. We had a short-ish discussion about our feelings in this regard. of course the young couple has had a few changes in their lives since June. He is now active Army, actually in Oklahoma for processing right now. She is living with her family in Spokane and going to be moving to Arizona to Live with his mother while he is in boot camp and tech school.
But being an Army wife isn't easy. and with him wanting to be a field medic, he is most likely to be deployed right out of tech school. that leaves her to give birth and start the raising of their child mostly on her own. She will have his mother there but none of her friends or family. She is even meeting his mother for the first time without him even being there!
So I don't know what they plan. He is so happy about the idea of being a father, but I don't think he has contemplated all the consequences, for him and her both. They are too young and irresponsible to be having a child1
And here I am. Taking meds that I hate because of what they do to me. Being tortured every time I see baby commercials. Knowing that others get and toss away opportunities that I dream about.
I want a family and nice little home. I want a pregnancy that brings into this world a child that is dearly loved by William and I.
Some may think that I have no right to judge others. that i have only known William for a few months. my answers to those people are that I know this couple is not ready for parenthood. and I may have only known William for a few months but that is why we are waiting until next year to get married. We are making sure it will work out before we do the whole wedding thing. In our hearts we are already devoted to each other and think of each other as husband and wife.
Most people know, but for those that don't, I have been actively trying to conceive since June of 2003. I have faced this dilemma multiple times. but this time seems to have pushed me over the edge.
I had just reached the point in my head that if I don't get pregnant after this bout of meds then I am going to stop freaking out over it until after the wedding. I don't know where i stand now.