(no subject)
Dear Sir(s) or Madam(s),
Regarding your recent theft of my automobile, I would like to offer a critique of your efforts. Not only were you unable to do enough damage to even call it a loss ($400 worth?? Come on!), but you didn't even think to steal my very expensive garments left out specifically to lure the more discriminating thugs such as yourselves. That scarf you snagged? I got it on clearance from GAP for $10. I mean, COME ON!
Besides that, I am sure you were getting a real hard-on off of the inconvenience you think you've caused me. Guess what? My insurance covers all this shit. You stealing my car just meant I actually had a rental with a stereo for a couple weeks. You guys were joyriding around in a shitbox with no tunes to accompany your various grand-thievery, while I've been riding high in a car I am actually not ashamed to be seen in.
I just want to close with a little food for thought. I don't know who you are or what you do for a living; who your family is or what you like to do for fun. I DO know that if I ever fucking find out who the fuck you are, I am going to kick you in the balls so hard you're going to wish you had finished the car off, and yourselves along with it. You are a useless piece of human waste and deserve every misery that I hope befalls on you.
Sincerely,
Emily
Regarding your recent theft of my automobile, I would like to offer a critique of your efforts. Not only were you unable to do enough damage to even call it a loss ($400 worth?? Come on!), but you didn't even think to steal my very expensive garments left out specifically to lure the more discriminating thugs such as yourselves. That scarf you snagged? I got it on clearance from GAP for $10. I mean, COME ON!
Besides that, I am sure you were getting a real hard-on off of the inconvenience you think you've caused me. Guess what? My insurance covers all this shit. You stealing my car just meant I actually had a rental with a stereo for a couple weeks. You guys were joyriding around in a shitbox with no tunes to accompany your various grand-thievery, while I've been riding high in a car I am actually not ashamed to be seen in.
I just want to close with a little food for thought. I don't know who you are or what you do for a living; who your family is or what you like to do for fun. I DO know that if I ever fucking find out who the fuck you are, I am going to kick you in the balls so hard you're going to wish you had finished the car off, and yourselves along with it. You are a useless piece of human waste and deserve every misery that I hope befalls on you.
Sincerely,
Emily