Auld Lang Syne
Why is it that I picked this time of the night to update my blog? It's been a pretty quiet week at work so I should have plenty of time there. Except it's work and I should be productive there, not create liabilities for myself. Oh well.
So it's 2010. A new year. A new me? Not really. I think I've always made half-hearted attempts at self-improvement that fail and leave me less motivated for future attempts. Not this time. I think my goal this year is to be more proactive with my life. I think of it as a general rule. That means making lists when I don't know what to do with myself, doing new things, taking a few risks and above all, meeting new people.
Part of it is a reaction to this aspect of me. The other day, I noticed when I was talking with a friend after watching Avatar that whenever the subject comes to my life, I always consider myself "boring." And for some reason, I think that's more of a judgment than an honest observation. I think I'm "boring" because my life lacks the pizzaz of my peers, whose lives I can pick and choose interesting tidbits from.
Examples of my boring-ness are:
I've never left the United States.
I don't speak another language fluently.
My career choices are conventional.
I'm not extroverted.
I don't drink, gamble or smoke.
I lack a good sense of rhythm.
My style leaves much to be desired.
I'm not an avid gamer.
I don't follow a lot of TV shows or sports.
You can probably name a lot of artists on my iPod.
There are probably more but that'd be just depressing. But sometimes, I do wonder how boring I am and if there's some idiosyncratic way I can break out of my shell and be interesting. I am my harshest critic after all.
But trying to make myself happy by tackling all these boring aspects seems rather daunting, especially the career one. One at a time I guess? I'm looking into classes over the summer semester at CSUN or Pierce, or maybe Spring Quarter at UCLA since I need another English class so I can expand my choice of med schools. And I'm thinking of volunteering somewhere on the weekends. Or maybe, I just need to be happier with myself. I might be more set in my ways than I'm aware of.
I guess it's also a way of tackling the odd thought that comes to mind when I'm with others, of trying to understand why they like me in the first place (or at least tolerate me) when I don't even really like myself.
Another reason for being proactive is hating the feeling/fear that my life is one big game of CATCH UP.
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On a similar note, the past few months, I've been trying to get to know Los Angeles better. One thing I've noticed growing up in the San Fernando Valley, a suburban black hole of culture, is that there's this desperation growing up for something to do.
Now that I'm older and able to drive (when I'm not being paranoid about hitting other people), I have the option of actually exploring Los Angeles and its many enclaves. And so far I've been somewhat successful, with the help of some new friends. I saw the famous Watts Towers and the Hollyhock House over winter, both unusual architectural forms of art from opposing sides of the planning and artistic spectra. I've been to West Hollywood for the first time this year, and I saw Utada in concert just yesterday, checking off another one-thing-to-do-before-I-die item.
Still, I feel embarrassed that I bash Los Angeles so often and yet, I realize that I don't understand it fully. I may have grown up with parts of it, but there's something about its unusual history and culture that have not been available to me until now. Maybe people were right to say that the Valley isn't considered Los Angeles (even though it is part of the metropolitan area), but given the Valley's history and suburban nature, I don't think I really appreciate what Los Angeles truly is.
-
With that, I should sleep. Waking up at 6:30AM everyday is just like waking up for school, except it lacks the communal nature of doing it with other students or at least the nap on the bus. If you haven't watched my Youtube channel, I suggest you take some time to do so. I seem to be updating that more frequently than this. But, at least I got my thoughts down and I can still write.
So it's 2010. A new year. A new me? Not really. I think I've always made half-hearted attempts at self-improvement that fail and leave me less motivated for future attempts. Not this time. I think my goal this year is to be more proactive with my life. I think of it as a general rule. That means making lists when I don't know what to do with myself, doing new things, taking a few risks and above all, meeting new people.
Part of it is a reaction to this aspect of me. The other day, I noticed when I was talking with a friend after watching Avatar that whenever the subject comes to my life, I always consider myself "boring." And for some reason, I think that's more of a judgment than an honest observation. I think I'm "boring" because my life lacks the pizzaz of my peers, whose lives I can pick and choose interesting tidbits from.
Examples of my boring-ness are:
I've never left the United States.
I don't speak another language fluently.
My career choices are conventional.
I'm not extroverted.
I don't drink, gamble or smoke.
I lack a good sense of rhythm.
My style leaves much to be desired.
I'm not an avid gamer.
I don't follow a lot of TV shows or sports.
You can probably name a lot of artists on my iPod.
There are probably more but that'd be just depressing. But sometimes, I do wonder how boring I am and if there's some idiosyncratic way I can break out of my shell and be interesting. I am my harshest critic after all.
But trying to make myself happy by tackling all these boring aspects seems rather daunting, especially the career one. One at a time I guess? I'm looking into classes over the summer semester at CSUN or Pierce, or maybe Spring Quarter at UCLA since I need another English class so I can expand my choice of med schools. And I'm thinking of volunteering somewhere on the weekends. Or maybe, I just need to be happier with myself. I might be more set in my ways than I'm aware of.
I guess it's also a way of tackling the odd thought that comes to mind when I'm with others, of trying to understand why they like me in the first place (or at least tolerate me) when I don't even really like myself.
Another reason for being proactive is hating the feeling/fear that my life is one big game of CATCH UP.
-
On a similar note, the past few months, I've been trying to get to know Los Angeles better. One thing I've noticed growing up in the San Fernando Valley, a suburban black hole of culture, is that there's this desperation growing up for something to do.
Now that I'm older and able to drive (when I'm not being paranoid about hitting other people), I have the option of actually exploring Los Angeles and its many enclaves. And so far I've been somewhat successful, with the help of some new friends. I saw the famous Watts Towers and the Hollyhock House over winter, both unusual architectural forms of art from opposing sides of the planning and artistic spectra. I've been to West Hollywood for the first time this year, and I saw Utada in concert just yesterday, checking off another one-thing-to-do-before-I-die item.
Still, I feel embarrassed that I bash Los Angeles so often and yet, I realize that I don't understand it fully. I may have grown up with parts of it, but there's something about its unusual history and culture that have not been available to me until now. Maybe people were right to say that the Valley isn't considered Los Angeles (even though it is part of the metropolitan area), but given the Valley's history and suburban nature, I don't think I really appreciate what Los Angeles truly is.
-
With that, I should sleep. Waking up at 6:30AM everyday is just like waking up for school, except it lacks the communal nature of doing it with other students or at least the nap on the bus. If you haven't watched my Youtube channel, I suggest you take some time to do so. I seem to be updating that more frequently than this. But, at least I got my thoughts down and I can still write.