9. view from heaven 3:20
it has been quite some time since i last updated my journal here on the internet. and while i am trying to search, hard, for an excuse, i fail to come up with one. as if anyone reads this though. and if anyone actually does, then i suppose i apologize for the randon blur that procedes this introductory paragraph.
i'm sitting on my chair, in my room. shirtless, with the ink on my skin exposed to the outside world. and it's 4:00am. i only wish i knew the reason why i cannot sleep. but i do not. my life's end ticks one second closer as the time passes me by endlessly. outside the sun is slowly waking itself from sleep, and the birds waking the early risers of the world.
i tried earlier to fall asleep. but as i layed in my bed thoughts of the past - memories - haunted my mind. each night my mind basks itself in the radiant and black glow of my past. in thoughts of people lying aside me, looking me in my eyes, and telling me that what i feel is real. and it couldn't be more real than the pain that stabs me in the back. that of a friend not keeping up to par on the position and title of "friend."
the hair follicles on my legs and arms stand attention as whisks of a chilly wind from the outside brush through my room. i want to put on a tee-shirt, or sweatshirt even, but my laziness overides my want in this situation.
i can remember a time when the sun would stay out and play all day and night. or so it seemed. as i stayed up all night. and slept all day. it feels as though it's okay to be angry, and never let go. because it only gets harder the more that you know. i used to know everything, and then it was so easy. but, now that i know nothing, there's no one to catch me. there's no one to call me their friend. so i see myself alone. and walking on a beach, as the sun seems to be asleep tonight, and has decided to let the raining showers take over. babbling to myself, all who know me can read my mind. and my thoughts.
sometimes, when i get upon the train, or the bus, i feel as though everyone is staring. everyone knows that i am...different. that i am special in my own, unique way. but to them it's not a good way as it is me. its a stigmatization from society. but they still don't know what it is yet that i am stigmatized with, or by even. babbling. again. and if you know me, then you know it.
i stepped out of my house the other day and drew a shadow 25 feet long behind me. and as i walked to the car, it followed me. protecting me from whatever may have interrupted my leisure that day.
leisure. i can only have it during the day. because at night, i am haunted with being forced, by my thoughts, to stay awake all night. and so i fail to sleep for days at a time. pity. i suppose.
but then again, i suppose a lot.
i'm sitting on my chair, in my room. shirtless, with the ink on my skin exposed to the outside world. and it's 4:00am. i only wish i knew the reason why i cannot sleep. but i do not. my life's end ticks one second closer as the time passes me by endlessly. outside the sun is slowly waking itself from sleep, and the birds waking the early risers of the world.
i tried earlier to fall asleep. but as i layed in my bed thoughts of the past - memories - haunted my mind. each night my mind basks itself in the radiant and black glow of my past. in thoughts of people lying aside me, looking me in my eyes, and telling me that what i feel is real. and it couldn't be more real than the pain that stabs me in the back. that of a friend not keeping up to par on the position and title of "friend."
the hair follicles on my legs and arms stand attention as whisks of a chilly wind from the outside brush through my room. i want to put on a tee-shirt, or sweatshirt even, but my laziness overides my want in this situation.
i can remember a time when the sun would stay out and play all day and night. or so it seemed. as i stayed up all night. and slept all day. it feels as though it's okay to be angry, and never let go. because it only gets harder the more that you know. i used to know everything, and then it was so easy. but, now that i know nothing, there's no one to catch me. there's no one to call me their friend. so i see myself alone. and walking on a beach, as the sun seems to be asleep tonight, and has decided to let the raining showers take over. babbling to myself, all who know me can read my mind. and my thoughts.
sometimes, when i get upon the train, or the bus, i feel as though everyone is staring. everyone knows that i am...different. that i am special in my own, unique way. but to them it's not a good way as it is me. its a stigmatization from society. but they still don't know what it is yet that i am stigmatized with, or by even. babbling. again. and if you know me, then you know it.
i stepped out of my house the other day and drew a shadow 25 feet long behind me. and as i walked to the car, it followed me. protecting me from whatever may have interrupted my leisure that day.
leisure. i can only have it during the day. because at night, i am haunted with being forced, by my thoughts, to stay awake all night. and so i fail to sleep for days at a time. pity. i suppose.
but then again, i suppose a lot.