Why, muscles? Why do you hate me?
I am in so very much pain.
I went with the family to the school Mum works at, to help out in the garden for “a couple of hours”. Granted it was before 9am when we set off, so I thought we might run over that by half an hour or something, but I did think we’d be setting off home sometime before or ONLY JUST after midday.
I stumbled back into the house at gone 3 this afternoon.
I’ve done digging, shovelling, raking, lifting, carrying and battering. I got told off when I mentioned that I was in pain, which peeved me a little. I was muttering to myself - I think that should be allowed. I can feel my muscles protesting every time I move… I have a bit of a bad back anyway due to artistic obsession (which is especially unhealthy if you’re working on a canvas with a frame made from rather heavy 2-by-4 and insist on carrying it home every damned night), so this was not a healthy, happy sort of work.
It wouldn’t have been quite so bad, but it was also the first really warm, sunny day of the year.
Swe~aty. Guh. The shower when I got home was excessively lovely.
Sorry for the disappearing act, by the way, darlings. I’ve missed you so much, but life has rather got in the way.
Things are still strained as all heck with my parents, but Easter was good. Now all I need to do is find some way of losing the weight I’ll have put on. Too much chocolate makes you feel so fantastic, right up until you look in the mirror the next day.
Family is also starting to ask what I want for my birthday next month. It’s my 21st, so I know they want to buy me things I can keep forever, but to be honest I don’t really feel like celebrating. I just… Don’t. Don’t know why. Plus, mostly I’d like to be able to just ask for some cash so I can buy some manga or go to the café a couple of extra times or visit someone. I seriously doubt they want to go for that though.
The money situation is serious. Luckily the fact that I’m babysitting as I write this means that I am definitely going to have enough money to pay my bills. Huzzah.
I think I did well at counselling this week. We talked about a lot of things. But mostly we talked about my inability to trust other people, and why it causes me to hate myself. Severely screwy, and it was confusing and hurt to say, but I’m glad I did. Means I did well this week, woo-hoo!
I’m working on my new DN fanfic. It, umm, rather went on hold whilst I was distracted. But I like the idea, so I really have no choice but to continue - or else the bunny will eat me alive. Really! It has scary eyes!
However. Now I am exhausted and need my bed.