I'm useless, but life's not fighting fair either.
Well, after the drama of yesterday, I slept like the proverbial log. I wouldn't mind so much, but I really wanted to go shopping for trinkets, comics and manga. I need a new notebook too - I'll just have to get myself in gear tomorrow.
Going home tomorrow. This has the potential to be either really fantastic, or really REALLY terrible. But what the hell. It's Christmas. Life can't be mean to me at Christmas time - it's just wrong.
It's my friend Mel's birthday party on the 2nd. It's also the anniversary of Zoe dying. I don't know how that makes me feel... I know that Zoe would probably rather have us remember her birthday (August), and I know that Mel should have her party on her birthday, but I feel odd over it. I miss Zoe ever so much, so I just know I'll probably be terrible company in the evening... This time of year really drags up bad memories now. I thought I was getting over it - not forgetting her or anything, but at least getting used to her being gone forever. I mean, it's been nearly 2 years now. I really should be ok. But she was my best friend for 12 years, and then there's my whole guilt thing (I SHOULD HAVE CALLED, GOD FUCKING DAMN ME), and it still damn well hurts.
I've spent 4 hours today shredding old comics for collages. They look pretty cool, actually. I had the urge to make something for my walls (like I don't have enough posters plastered to them anyway...) so B and I messed around for a while. Although, getting to the old comics has meant that I've uncovered a small patch of mould in the corner. Yeuch. So I'll need to clean that before I leave tomorrow evening. Makes me so angry though - we've had so many problems with this house.
I've managed to get myself all stressed and depressed over a meme, of all things. I think I can safely say that I've now hit rock bottom in terms of pathetic now... Dammit. It's a cool meme too - I might post it here when I'm feeling happier about it.
Dammit. I'm ridiculous.
B let me copy a load of music to my computer... I love that girl. There are some real gems here... She's said I can go and stay with her in London at some point as well, so she can take me to all the comic shops she keeps talking about. Apparrently Travelling Man just isn't as awesome.
Ugh, it's already 5 am. I can't decide whether to stay awake now since I have a fair bit to do today anyway, or to have my drugged tea and go to bed for a few hours and hope I raise my useless self before 10... Yeah, I have 2 hopes there - Bob Hope, and his little known brother No Hope. But I'm tiiiired! And I need to be awake this evening...
I really need to pack, but I'm too lazy. I just know it's going to get to 6 tonight and I'll be dashing around the house trying to get all my shit together. I need to hoover and wash up too... And now there's the mould...
Oh, I'm just going to go to bed without the tea. If I fall asleep, then awesome and without the Valerian I should wake up ok if I set my alarm. If not, I'll have rested, yeah?
Night-y night, lovely people.