things are gonna get better....?
Everything's gonna be fine now. I have a beautiful bicycle, a beautiful kitty cat, and it's been snowing.
Yeah, sometimes I wake up and I can't walk. Yeah, sometimes I wake up and I'm weak and shakey and should probably get my heart problems re-evaluated. Yeah, sometimes I wake up and I feel like you're making the biggest mistake of your life, and I have to stand by, bite my tongue, and watch you do it.
And sometimes I don't know what I'm doing, or where I'm going, and its like guessing my way in the dark, WITH a blindfold on, WITH my hands tied. I don't know what my future holds in regards to classes, a career, or if I'll even still be living here in a year.
It's sort of like waking up into a really scary nightmare, and every way you can run looks just as scary, so you're frozen in one spot, you can't move and you're watching all the oogie-boogies close in. But I'm okay with that. Right now, I'm fine.
Sometimes I get so overloaded that I just feel myself instantly relax, and smile. It's not voluntary, it's not something I plan or talk myself into. It's just an automatic defense I lapse into. I just can't ever tell when it's going to kick in and save me. Welllll this time it finally kicked in; better late than never.
My tea is so hot I just saw condensation gather on my eyelashes. I didn't even know that was possible, guess I'll wait a few minutes for it to cool.
I guess sometimes I just don't know. Scratch that. MOST of the time, I just don't know. I got accustomed to it, and I'm glad because that means I'm open to many things. And in a way, I'm happy this whole terrible thing has happened to me, because it tore (painfully) away at some of my sharp, cold edges. I cry at movies now, and I can feel the music deeper in my chest than I ever have.
And hottie mike and i just got into a fight over an analogy of sex to sandwiches.
sigh.
Yeah, sometimes I wake up and I can't walk. Yeah, sometimes I wake up and I'm weak and shakey and should probably get my heart problems re-evaluated. Yeah, sometimes I wake up and I feel like you're making the biggest mistake of your life, and I have to stand by, bite my tongue, and watch you do it.
And sometimes I don't know what I'm doing, or where I'm going, and its like guessing my way in the dark, WITH a blindfold on, WITH my hands tied. I don't know what my future holds in regards to classes, a career, or if I'll even still be living here in a year.
It's sort of like waking up into a really scary nightmare, and every way you can run looks just as scary, so you're frozen in one spot, you can't move and you're watching all the oogie-boogies close in. But I'm okay with that. Right now, I'm fine.
Sometimes I get so overloaded that I just feel myself instantly relax, and smile. It's not voluntary, it's not something I plan or talk myself into. It's just an automatic defense I lapse into. I just can't ever tell when it's going to kick in and save me. Welllll this time it finally kicked in; better late than never.
My tea is so hot I just saw condensation gather on my eyelashes. I didn't even know that was possible, guess I'll wait a few minutes for it to cool.
I guess sometimes I just don't know. Scratch that. MOST of the time, I just don't know. I got accustomed to it, and I'm glad because that means I'm open to many things. And in a way, I'm happy this whole terrible thing has happened to me, because it tore (painfully) away at some of my sharp, cold edges. I cry at movies now, and I can feel the music deeper in my chest than I ever have.
And hottie mike and i just got into a fight over an analogy of sex to sandwiches.
sigh.