Is everything okay?
Yes, everything's fine. I've been fine. I've actually felt exponentially better since this happened. or... un-happened, rather. seriously okay. everyone's calling me, IMing me, and i haven't lied when i said i serously felt fine, and optimistic about this.
but then, it started to get late, and everybody started signing off and going to bed. then he did. then I said "good night" and kept folding my laundry. then all of a sudden, I was not okay. I legitmately havent felt negative or awkward once, but it was like something broke. I saw everything stretch ahead of me, a huge sea of unsure, of more struggling and of either painfully remaining just friends or just as painfully pulling apart for good.
I wondered if you felt, trying to fall asleep, my sudden change, and hoped to god not. because you can never know how hard this just hit me.
I feel lost, like I just don't belong anywhere. I have this overwhelming sensation that i'm an imposter, or i'm secretly in the wrong place. like i shouldn't have made a salad from my fridge today or driven my car or opened my wallet. like this computer isn't mine and i'm watching somebody's house for them, using their laptop and writing through somebody else's point of view.
There are only two ways I can sleep anymore, and both methods are so pathetic i won't even bother mentioning them.
I miss you and it has only been a day, and we've talked all night. I need to wash my sheets of your smell, i need to smack the bitch in the other plane of reality where this worked out for not being in my place.
Roheryn1289 (11:26:03 PM): jordan you still up
imemoliciousxx3 (11:26:07 PM): yes?
Roheryn1289 (11:26:11 PM): it just hit me
imemoliciousxx3 (11:26:19 PM): ?
Roheryn1289 (11:26:28 PM): that we're not together anymore
imemoliciousxx3 (11:26:33 PM): oh
Roheryn1289 (11:26:52 PM): i've been absolutely fine
Roheryn1289 (11:26:55 PM): barely cared at all
Roheryn1289 (11:27:09 PM): and then he went to bed
Roheryn1289 (11:27:12 PM): and said good night.
Roheryn1289 (11:27:15 PM): and i sat here
Roheryn1289 (11:27:19 PM): and now i feel it
imemoliciousxx3 (11:27:32 PM):
Roheryn1289 (11:28:34 PM): i cant handle this
imemoliciousxx3 (11:28:44 PM): hmm well
Roheryn1289 (11:28:58 PM): i can feel myself breaking already and i cant even lean on him for support
Roheryn1289 (11:29:09 PM): he can never know how much this is killing me
imemoliciousxx3 (11:29:11 PM): you can lean on me
Roheryn1289 (11:29:38 PM): =) thanks
Roheryn1289 (11:29:51 PM): i just feel so lost, like i just don't belong anywhere
Roheryn1289 (11:30:00 PM): like i shouldnt even be in my room, like its not my room
imemoliciousxx3 (11:30:27 PM): well
imemoliciousxx3 (11:30:29 PM): erin
imemoliciousxx3 (11:30:39 PM): you do belong right there being my friend
but then, it started to get late, and everybody started signing off and going to bed. then he did. then I said "good night" and kept folding my laundry. then all of a sudden, I was not okay. I legitmately havent felt negative or awkward once, but it was like something broke. I saw everything stretch ahead of me, a huge sea of unsure, of more struggling and of either painfully remaining just friends or just as painfully pulling apart for good.
I wondered if you felt, trying to fall asleep, my sudden change, and hoped to god not. because you can never know how hard this just hit me.
I feel lost, like I just don't belong anywhere. I have this overwhelming sensation that i'm an imposter, or i'm secretly in the wrong place. like i shouldn't have made a salad from my fridge today or driven my car or opened my wallet. like this computer isn't mine and i'm watching somebody's house for them, using their laptop and writing through somebody else's point of view.
There are only two ways I can sleep anymore, and both methods are so pathetic i won't even bother mentioning them.
I miss you and it has only been a day, and we've talked all night. I need to wash my sheets of your smell, i need to smack the bitch in the other plane of reality where this worked out for not being in my place.
Roheryn1289 (11:26:03 PM): jordan you still up
imemoliciousxx3 (11:26:07 PM): yes?
Roheryn1289 (11:26:11 PM): it just hit me
imemoliciousxx3 (11:26:19 PM): ?
Roheryn1289 (11:26:28 PM): that we're not together anymore
imemoliciousxx3 (11:26:33 PM): oh
Roheryn1289 (11:26:52 PM): i've been absolutely fine
Roheryn1289 (11:26:55 PM): barely cared at all
Roheryn1289 (11:27:09 PM): and then he went to bed
Roheryn1289 (11:27:12 PM): and said good night.
Roheryn1289 (11:27:15 PM): and i sat here
Roheryn1289 (11:27:19 PM): and now i feel it
imemoliciousxx3 (11:27:32 PM):
Roheryn1289 (11:28:34 PM): i cant handle this
imemoliciousxx3 (11:28:44 PM): hmm well
Roheryn1289 (11:28:58 PM): i can feel myself breaking already and i cant even lean on him for support
Roheryn1289 (11:29:09 PM): he can never know how much this is killing me
imemoliciousxx3 (11:29:11 PM): you can lean on me
Roheryn1289 (11:29:38 PM): =) thanks
Roheryn1289 (11:29:51 PM): i just feel so lost, like i just don't belong anywhere
Roheryn1289 (11:30:00 PM): like i shouldnt even be in my room, like its not my room
imemoliciousxx3 (11:30:27 PM): well
imemoliciousxx3 (11:30:29 PM): erin
imemoliciousxx3 (11:30:39 PM): you do belong right there being my friend