NNNNGH
That which gives me the most joy online these past few months is lately making me go mad as more changes, more cases of mis-communication and more out and out banality and things that make my head get acquainted with my keyboard have been popping out of the woodwork, from the small and insipid to the less-small and teeth-grating.
And letting it go just means it will slowly wither and die in a mass of excrement rather than a blaze of glory.
By the way I'm going to visit the psychologist today for my bi-monthly checkup. Watch as we both go off on a tangent talking about, say, my horrid sleep schedule and get nothing about what's really been bugging me lately off my chest! I'd ask to go to another one but this is like my...5th? 6th? I lost count. And still I keep my ass patience and my ass temperament. I know well they can only do so much, but it's like NOTHING exists that can make me really change all the way, you know? Every time I leave that office I have this lingering feeling of self-worth and a positive attitude that just fades away the minute I get back home because reality kicks me in the nuts I don't have.
I can't do this. I can't want to leave and want to stay at the same time. I'd give anything for just one big reset button that can give me the time I need to fix things so no bitching happens and I feel like I accomplished something again, but it's just not happening. Nnngh.
And because of that, I don't even want to go to see the psych. I mean, how the hell do you explain internet drama to a little old lady? Plus, I don't know, I need to hear it from someone else, someone who gets it...someone who can at least lie to me and say "you know what, you're not needed after all. Go take your break." or something.
It's too much. Too much.
And letting it go just means it will slowly wither and die in a mass of excrement rather than a blaze of glory.
By the way I'm going to visit the psychologist today for my bi-monthly checkup. Watch as we both go off on a tangent talking about, say, my horrid sleep schedule and get nothing about what's really been bugging me lately off my chest! I'd ask to go to another one but this is like my...5th? 6th? I lost count. And still I keep my ass patience and my ass temperament. I know well they can only do so much, but it's like NOTHING exists that can make me really change all the way, you know? Every time I leave that office I have this lingering feeling of self-worth and a positive attitude that just fades away the minute I get back home because reality kicks me in the nuts I don't have.
I can't do this. I can't want to leave and want to stay at the same time. I'd give anything for just one big reset button that can give me the time I need to fix things so no bitching happens and I feel like I accomplished something again, but it's just not happening. Nnngh.
And because of that, I don't even want to go to see the psych. I mean, how the hell do you explain internet drama to a little old lady? Plus, I don't know, I need to hear it from someone else, someone who gets it...someone who can at least lie to me and say "you know what, you're not needed after all. Go take your break." or something.
It's too much. Too much.