And as usual, it all goes to hell
Well, yeah, I feel pretty shitty right now. I can't believe the stunts our supervisor pulls off just like that. He sent my horse away! Well, technically it wasn't mine but one of the horses I groom. He sent her away, and he didn't even have the fucking decency to tell me about it beforehand!
So yeah, I didn't even get to say goodbye, and I'm not a great fan of crying and shaking and breaking and being all vulnerable in public, but there was nothing else to do, really. And I really hope that he felt every bit as miserable for making me like that as I felt actually being like it. Needless to say that I didn't speak a single word to him in two days. And maybe it's childish to drag other people into it by using them as instruments to communicate with the bastard who ruined everything you had built for so long. But I couldn't help it. I was just so MAD at him that I was afraid that if I talked to him myself I'd say something unforgiveable. Well, that and the fact that I really didn't want to see the son of a whoreson bitch ever again in my life. I still don't but now I got it somehow under control. He can still probably hear it in my voice when I'm talking to him but the fuck if I care.
I had put so much on the line with that horse. She was my little darling, such a vibrant and happy personality. First time in years I actually went and dared to give a little bit of myself, to get attached. And what came out of it? Answer: nothing. Nothing but heartache. And now it will take a lot of time for me to find something like that again, or maybe I never will. I've lost this game too many times to hane any intrest in even playing it anymore.