empty
I just feel so.. empty inside.
My feelings are put aside as I try not to listen to them. As I try to pretend they're not there. But I don't know. If I'm pretending, or if I really don't have any feelings?
I don't even know what kind of feelings I want - What do I want to feel??
But it's useless, cause it's not about what I want to feel, it should be about what I do feel. But I don't know. I just don't know. I can't keep in touch with my emotions, they're everchanging, and yet always the same.
I don't know anymore who I am, what I feel, what I want to feel, and what I supposedly should feel.
I always care so much about what people think of me. I always want to have the rigth feelings about someone or something, so that everyone will be happy, and no one will get hurt. It's so confusing, cause I have real feelings sometimes too, I guess.
So I tend to think "Am I doing this because I have to, or because I love her/him?" - and I can't tell.
What if I love someone, and convince myself that I don't?
What if I don't love someone, but convince myself that I do?
What should I do?
How can I know a true feeling from a fake feeling?
I feel so empty and dead inside. Like nothing ever really reaches me.
And in the end it's all about selfdestruction that the eye can't see.
I don't feel particullarly sad right now. I'm just.. nothing.