life, selling, and the wonders of a wireless heart
My previous entry started a whole discussion and I appriciate the comments I got. Sometimes I wish I could post something like that in a bigger forum where random people would read it, as I think it's an interesting and fascinating topic, and recieving feedback on that topic gives me somewhat of a kick.
I'd like to write more entries with actual content, though I also enjoy to rant about the everyday life that's right in front of me.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want, where I'm headed and why I tend to react on certain things. What ticks me off and what freaks me out.
And what I realize it... that I don't need to think so hard about it. What I want are some fucking awesome, mindblowing experiences, I'll even take the bad ones too. Cause that's what makes a life. I don't need to go out partying every weekend, even a conversation with someone can be an eye-opener.
I'm not gonna do anything great with me life in the usual sense, like an awesome job and a killer education - I'm not meant for that, I guess. But I can still have a full-filling life, even if I sometimes doubts that my life is worth more than shit.
What I want are just shivers down my spine, I want good friends and I wanna travel. I wanna be in contact with who I am, not hate myself, hurt myself.
It's all just talk, though I'm working really hard on not freaking out when someone get too close.
In a little over a week I'll have a 6 months anniversery with my girlfriend. And it's scares me. I don't wanna chicken out, but it still scares me.
I had bad experiences in the past, and though I tend to say that I don't learn from my mistakes, these things just change my perspective on love. So for a while, I just didn't "do" relationships. And yet I'm here now, trying to not break down, to not fuck things up. I don't know if I'm scared of getting hurt. Or if I'm scared of hurting others. But either way, it's cause I'm a chicken. But I try, and I really want to. Sometimes my personalities just fight eachother.
Anyway, to end all this serious shitload... :D Let's all go out and fall in love, maybe get our heart broken or break someone's heart. But guess what, it's okay. It'll all be okay in the end.
On another note, as I'm saving up for something I'm debating whether or not to sell off some stuff. I'm thinking about selling a ton of the magazines I have (Myojo, Duet, Wink Up, Popolo, Egg, Ageha, Ranzuki ect.). Maybe some singles/cd's/dvd's (Arashi, News, Tackey & Tsubasa, alice nine ad so on).
Oh well, I'll give all that some thought and maybe make a sales-post....
I'm sitting at my balcony (!?!) and the sun is killing me. I'm melting.... !!! I'm glad my skin is the way it is and that I don't get burned easily, but just get tanned. I wanna have a nice tan, not look like something out of an asian horror movie (especially since I dyed my hair darker...)
I sooooo miss living in Tokyo these days... Right now, I just miss the vendingmachines <3 The icy beverages <3 Aaaah, ooooh, how many of my entries have been tagged with the vendingmachines tag <3
Ps. I was reading this through, and sorry for all the swearwords XD I don't know what happened :D it's not that I'm mad or anything...