what a cycle. i especially hate it when my moods and interests change in an instant and then i start to wonder whether anything i do will be fulfilling. during these times i want to do nothing at all. and even when i force myself to be productive it doesn't work. my brain won't let me.
"i'm not sure how describing what this is doing is going to help" - i feel like this a lot. sometimes all i can do is write, while other times the only thing that helps is to play (drums). it's really uncomfortable when you feel a certain way yet can't explain/express it.
occassionally i get paranoid that somehow, despite my abilities and talents, life will go downhill beyond my control. in these paranoid states everything seems like shit and it feels like everyone's out to get me. i feel like i need to do something drastic to ensure my success but then again i'm powerless and don't want to take drastic measures for fear of looking suspicious.
being honest and real are always great qualities. i'm all about letting myself be what i am. much of the time i'm insecure, reclusive, lonely, and my facial expressions show it, my actions show it, etc. i can't fake anything, or lie, and i like having those qualities.
the hell with doing what you don't want to do. there's no need to give others comfort because they feel everyone should do the traditional things that normal americans do (going to college, working full time, shit, bla). do you write much besides in your livejournal? seems like you may be good at it.
so is it an insecurity that puts you in this state? lack of desire brought on by lack of interest in anything?
"i'm not sure how describing what this is doing is going to help" - i feel like this a lot. sometimes all i can do is write, while other times the only thing that helps is to play (drums). it's really uncomfortable when you feel a certain way yet can't explain/express it.
occassionally i get paranoid that somehow, despite my abilities and talents, life will go downhill beyond my control. in these paranoid states everything seems like shit and it feels like everyone's out to get me. i feel like i need to do something drastic to ensure my success but then again i'm powerless and don't want to take drastic measures for fear of looking suspicious.
being honest and real are always great qualities. i'm all about letting myself be what i am. much of the time i'm insecure, reclusive, lonely, and my facial expressions show it, my actions show it, etc. i can't fake anything, or lie, and i like having those qualities.
the hell with doing what you don't want to do. there's no need to give others comfort because they feel everyone should do the traditional things that normal americans do (going to college, working full time, shit, bla). do you write much besides in your livejournal? seems like you may be good at it.
so is it an insecurity that puts you in this state? lack of desire brought on by lack of interest in anything?
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