Has anyone seen my life?
Oh, that's what happens when the trains are late. And an idea gets into my head.
THE (TEH) BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO CHRIS BARRIE
Welcome. I trust that you, dear reader, are reading this because:
a) You're someone who has discovered the existence of a Mr Chris Barrie and wish to know more. Well done. Or,
b) You're already a fan and....*shrugs* Well...well done you too.
Here be my guide to exploring the works of Mr Barrie, from all the things that are necessary to check out on your road to being a fan, to exhibits that should only be pursued if you reach the Obsessed Needy Level*.
* If you do this, come have a cup of tea with me while you're there.
ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS ~ And thus we begin.
I take it you've seen Red Dwarf? *What?!* You haven't? Go get it now, you can catch me up later.
Red Dwarf, the comedy sci-fi hybrid, is what made Chris Barrie. The Brittas Empire took his strengths and ran with them, but Red Dwarf established them in the first place. As Arnold Rimmer, Chris was made to convey loser-ness, ambition, anal-retentiveness, cowardice, sympathy and pure weaselness all in one character. With Rimmer, you didn't love him or loathe him - you did both simultaneously, like me eating Marmite.
Red Dwarf is available on DVD in many different regions, so the only excuse available is that you don't have a DVD player. Oh, for Heaven's sake, get an old VHS off Ebay, download it illegally if you must, do you want to be a fan or not?
Now, which series does thine recommend? Well, series VII and VIII aren't available yet, and that's nothing to worry about. Nothing to see there, move along. Now, I'd easily recommend series V due to it's heavily Rimmer-based storylines. And, yes I suppose it has to be mentioned, Rimmer With No Clothes On.
Now you've - tear yourself away from that image for one sec - got a whole cornucopia of choices from there. The first series is a personal fave for me and it introduces Rimsy in all his spineless glory, but series II is the one that subtley pushes in his more vulnerable side. Series IV delicately tiptoes between both, whilst Series III and VI see Rimmer as a team player.
And if you're daring to check out the last two series, then my recommendations are Blue (VII) and Cassandra (VIII).
Now. The Brittas Empire. This, I understand, is harder to find outside the UK (where all 7 series are now available on DVD). But is most certainly worth hunting down one way or another, be it Multi-region players, swapping PAL/NTSC videos or downloads. Or kidnapping PBS programmers until they repeat it, I dunno.
The Brittas Empire differs to Red Dwarf in that Chris now has the lead (indeed title) role as Mr Brittas, manager of Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre. A character that somehow manages to be the protagonist and antagonist all at the same time.
Notably, Brittas is perhaps on his worst monster form in the first series, unintentionally and blindingly upsetting all those unfortunate enough to cross his path. By series 2, the character was softened somewhat - so you actually *care* when he's in danger of losing the job and wife that he loves so much. In series 3 and 4, The Brittas Empire hit its peak, with well-crafted storylines and even some *action* in an unrequited subplot involving Lovely Lauuuuura. As with Red Dwarf, later series failed to live up to this peak (largely due to the loss of Laura and the original writers) but are still worth viewing as a classic comedy. Personal favourites from these struggling years are, a daft storyline involving a circus doppleganger (where Chris camps it up marrrvellously - oops, beg your pardon, wrong character catchphrase) and a genuinely moving moment in the finale of the fifth series.
CH-CH-CH-CHECK IT OUT
I imagine you're impressed by now, eh? Obviously not with this shoddy excuse of a guide, but with the surprising variety Chris has do far demonstrated. At this point you may want to garner more information, and I suggest you poke at these if you haven't done so already-
http://p223.ezboard.com/bthechrisbarriebbs
http://beam.to/chrisbarrie
And now you may proceed with your viewing. The following should be a joy to watch:
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider/ Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life - despite Chris being criminally underused in his first proper big film debuts, his role as Hilary the butler is nonetheless an enjoyable one. And he even gets to be a action star in his limited screentime. Impressive. He's also very good at buttle-ing.
Blackadder the III: Nob and Nobility - a star guest turn from Chris, hamming it up as an ee-vil French revolutionary, Dewg! Of course, this performance is very much aided by his co-star, Mr Tight White Pants.
Massive Engines/Massive Machines - should you be lucky enough to catch one of the many repeats on the Discovery Channel, you'll be rewarded with Chris' Presenter Debut. And if the subject material of all things that go VRROOOM and BOOM! isn't to your taste, I don't care. Chris makes it all enjoyable anyway.
Spitting Image - now, don't be disapointed because you don't get to see Chris' mug. Instead you are presented with his impressive voice skills as he provides the voice (and indeed...hand) of many celeb-ri-ty puppets.
Filthy Rich & Catflap - in which Chris guest stars as an irate director. A very irate director. And if Rimmer is any indication of how Chris can do ANGRY....
Happy Families - A series that continually begs unfeeling BBC producers to repeat it, offers the joy of Chris as a gay make-up artist. In Timmy Mallet Specs. And 80s shirt. And tight leather trousers. Camper than a row of pink glittery tents in Soho housing Graham Nortons in feather boas, this would be a must-see if it was more easily available....
OBSESS MUCH?
Now. You have to pledge your true fan status here before you enter. Do pass Go, do not collect....whatever it is you collect....until you are sure that you're devoted enough to track this lot down. That you are willing to sit through a film that is *not* your prefered genre, with actors you *don't* like, subject matter you're *not* interested in....all in the interest of seeing a five-second appearance or something.
Similarly, you may have to pledge your firstborn to whoever can help you track down the rare gems in this list.
You have been warned.
A Prince Among Men - Hmm. This one makes for tricky viewing, and that basically boils down to the fact that Chris' character, ex-footballer Gary Prince, is genuinely irritating. Unlike Rimmer and Brittas he will never deserve your sympathy because....well, because he's a git.
Personally, I love the other characters - dippy receptionist Sonia, posh Beverly (whose Coronation Street character, Bev, is exactly the same, fact fans), etc - and the series improved greatly second time around, but it's an acquired taste. Don't be surprised if you don't locate that taste.
Get Fit with Brittas - currently a complete rareity. It's Brittas preaching the benefits of exercise in a nutshell. Um, he's not in a nutshell, obviously. Although swimming trunks make up for that.
Motoring Wheel Nuts - a peculiar beast, this. Chris essentially plays a whole range of characters, all obsessed with cars. I enjoyed it, but don't expect comedy genius. The now-deleted video can be found floating on Ebay from time to time.
White Goods - again, Bit-Part City. But Chris is clearly the best thing about this one-off TV black comedy. And that's when he's with Ian McShane, Rachel Weisz and Lenny Henry, so good job there sir. Chris plays a sleazy obnoxious Liverpudlian game show host. It's Gary Prince in training - only much funnier.
Testimony - Forbid your eyes from blinking, otherwise you'll completely miss Chris' official film debut. It's a bloody weird and serious film to say the least. And then Chris Barrie and Frank Carson turn up dressed as clowns.
Pushing Up Daisies/Coming Next - new series, different name, same idea - quintessentially a sketch show, co-written by Chris and also starring Hale and Pace, and the lovely Carla Mendonca. I've seen precisely one minute of this. And that was kinda lucky.
Jackanory - Chris has appeared on this (now sadly defunct) kid's show three times. Imagine him reading you a bedtime story. It's that good. Most notable is his rendition of 'The Fox and the Chicken'. Especially if you want to see him play a sheep with Kenneth William's voice.
The Lenny Henry Show - because Chris turns up at the end of a sketch as Attenborough himself....covered in Oscars.
The Young Ones, Series 2: Nasty - again, blink and you'll miss him as Chris appears in one of the show's infamous Off-Topic cutaway scenes. The voice of the ship's captain is unmistakeable.
That's the unedited, far too long version in all its unglory. I don't know why either.