Welcome back. Before the break...
Short version: Internet buggered itself and BT fail more than I do.
Long version: I feel like I've just had the emptiest fortnight of my life AND I HATE EVERYTHING, GAH.
No, really, it sucks. It sucks so much it's painful. I'm actually here slack-jawed (shut up, I don't 'usually look like that', shh) with complete incredulity at how much it sucks. Let me count, as I believe Shakespeare once said, the ways:
- Still unemployed. Haven't found a thing. Oh yeah, there's probably some office job out there that someone might be daring enough to let me have but my heart's not even in it anymore. In anything. I already know I wasted three years of my life at university slaving over that degree without the added knowledge it hasn't remotely increased my employability.
- 'I am alone. I am utterly alone'.
That line used to make me laugh. It's not quite so funny when it's true. I've proabbly droned on about this before, but very few people seem to realise what this must be like. Never will. Seriously, whoever the hell you are, you'll have someone in your life right now. For the last fortnight, I've just been bored with my own company. Fuck all else. No one calls, no one answers my calls. Craig's been here now and again, but he's really occupied and we haven't done conversation. I called my mum because I wanted to go home or something but... no. Can't, apparently. Thanks. Same woman who commented after HALF A BLOODY YEAR that, 'you're a bit isolated up there, aren't you?'. Yes. Help, you daft bint.
I've took myself out a few times, tried saying hello to random strangers. Don't think anyone wants to know, though. I don't know what it is about me, but I'm obviously repellent. For all my apparent nice, witty friendlness even firends and family blank me. Or forget me entirely, because nobody invited me to the last family gettogethers lately. Despite me doing bugger all else ever. Nice to be loved, isn't it?
- Brings me on to my next point. Back in August, when my cat Cyber died, one of my immediate thoughts was, 'well I hope nothing happens to Barney.' What an irrational thought, why should anything suddenly happen to him too? You'd have to be pretty unlucky for anyth-
You can guess the rest.
18th October 2007. RIP, Barns old bear. You saved my life, I wish I could have returned the favour.
Cancer. It's a bitch. He had a lump on his throat on the Monday, and I was literally praying that he would be okay. Well, he was far from okay on the Thursday morning. I think him being dead is about as much as a wish can completely screw up isn't it? It's true that he saved my life. Rubbed my leg out of nowhere whilst I was in the middle of doing something arguably stupid and I jumped. Scratched my hand up a bit, but saved my life. Possibly one of the bestest friends I ever had, because all the human ones only ever let me down.
.... And then, then the internet went. Don't think I missed much, the inbox is zombified if not dead, but at least I have something to do. Hai.
OH FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS ON A POGO STICK CAN'T I HAVE SOMETHING *NICE* TO WRITE. I can't be bothered writing more. S'depressing me, it's sure as hell depressing anyone who's bothering to read. More or less stuck in that mindset of just assuming I'm talking to myself now or something. How are you, Bex? Alright? Oh. Well....uh....shouldn't you be going to bed? It is 4am. And the computer says it's 5am, either way it's late and... oh well, suit yourself, but I'm tired. Night.