I wish I was special. You're so f*cking special (MINDSAY)
You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike
angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.
What feeling do you represent?
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Hmm, spot on. I have been feeling incredibly lonely, especially recently. See, last year I had a student flat so at least there was three people right outside my door. Well, when they were in anyway...Adam! But now I'm stuck at home where no one bothers speaking to me and I get better conversations with the walls.
That's mainly why I made a point of joining a society, so I could meet new people (first meeting on Monday, which is a bit of an arse for me 'cos that's my day off so I'm gonna have to travel back into Manchester just for the evening). Hope that works out. Adam and Ro have asked about the people on my course, but the problem is that most of them seem to be rather aloof and 'above' me. You know, the kind of people that just glare at you if you have the audacity to say 'hi' to them? That and the fact that the course is the only thing I have in common with them. It seems that most of the students here are exactly alike. All the boys are the same, all the girls are the same, and then there's...me.
As I was walking to the campus the other day, two girls were talking, and they stopped and looked at me. In we're dissin-your-clothes-with-our-eyes kinda way. Maybe I'm paranoid, but they weren't very discrete. I simply gave them a very smarmy smile and walked away. Because there ain't anything wrong with my skater jeans.
I got the same thing once at school. I got bored with the uniform. Throughout school I tried different things and got a ticking off for all of them - headscarves, badges on my tie, rings, purple hair, fluoro green nail varnish. Ok, the last one was too much on my long nails, I admit! Once I started wearing a long skirt 'cos no one else did and I was going through a strange hippy phase. I got really patronising looks off some girls. But during the next few weeks....it caught on. Everyone starting wearing long skirts - including the very girls who'd dissed mine. It was great being a trend setter, but then I got bored so one day I wore an extremely short skirt. From one extreme to another!