You Say Floating like it's a good thing

[kolakoca]

I had a panic attack. It's been a while since my heart tried to escape its bone bars.
The distance from happy moment to happy moment seems pried farther apart.

I have never been so leaded with mistakes.
Never have they seemed so small and felt so grand
I woke up and my blood felt like poison.
And he didn't hold me. Didn't kiss me until I asked.
Why did I have to ask?

Like two bottles full of secret messages.
I don't know if this season is actually warmer.

I admire the desire to share and be together in everything.
But it is unrealistic. Love, as conjoining a cloud, is still an infinity graph.
You cannot supplement what I am lacking in need.
You cannot synthesize the parts of my soul that have scattered.
I need them back.
And I need to get them without the guilt that comes from embracing another.
A new guilt, and one much sadder than I've known before.

There is none other like you, and I do not want to be without you.
But I don't want all of you and I can't give you all of me.
I need you calmer, I need you less afraid.

I can't be this long from the ocean, I can't be this long from the art and the arms of those who share histories.
I spent the day trying not to brush up against anyone. Breathing is getting difficult.