Clover's Column #2...
Good morning to my two readers! It's about 4:25am, central time, I'm updating my PSP and thought I'd write a little mini-column about our dear friends, "the Nerdy Guys."
We've all known him in high school or in college. That super-nice but entirely un-date-able geek. He's pale, he drives a beater, he's probably either thin as a rail or a bit on the chunky side. He's got self-esteem issues and is probably afraid of even speaking to a female.
He's like your brother and you guys are totally close. Sure, he's a little socially oblivious and spends too much time playing video games in your humble opinion, but he's awesome and always there for you.
Unfortunately, "omg, you're like my brother" is the last thing he wants to hear. In fact, he's probably been waiting for that one, desperate chance to tell you that you're beautiful and you're the only one for him.
If he ever does manage to get up the nards, things get super-awkward from there, right? ... yeah, we've all been there.
However! Most girls are not aware that the "Nerdy Guy" can turn out to be an affectionate, intelligent mate who will readily stand at your side - you won't have to worry about him eying other girls, he'll be too busy oogling the graphics on the PS3 and stroking Crisis Core for the PSP to notice that stereotypically pretty girl and her B-cup, push-up-bra cleavage.
There's an article on Craigslist that goes into far more detail than this, and all of my female readers (ha) should read it. :)
However! Today, I address the male population that is nerdy.
Advice for those of you who are still the provincial "Nerdy Guy":
In my own personal experience, you all are awesome. You really are. You're intelligent. You know just about everything about making electronics talk to each other peaceably. Your witty t-shirts amuse countless people caught up in their droll, boring days. You usually have a quick sense of humor, a collection of horrible jokes and collections of really strange things - books to anime figurines to stamps. Your hobbies are as eccentric and as quirky as you are.
You've got some tragic failures though. I will address a few, and how to fix them, or at least some steps to realizing your true feminine-attracting potential.
1.) Self confidence. You'll never believe you're good enough for a beautiful, intelligent, like-minded girl to be in your life as your girlfriend.
Here's the secret. You are.
Yes, you. You with the WoW account with six seventies and the overclocked CPU. You, who have beaten Nethack over a hundred times. You, who have every single Pokemon captured and catalogued on every single Pokemon game.
Put down the controller and no one will get hurt - not even you.
Venturing into the world of female dating is difficult and frightening. We're an intimidating lot, girls! Mercurial, temperamental, hormonal, sometimes demanding and sometimes batty. I can understand how terrifying that must be to look in the face. You don't want to be alone, but you're desperately afraid of rejection.
Realize, though. You're smarter than most of the guys out there. You can do things that no one else knows how to do. You get things faster than most people, you're usually great listeners and excellent partners.
Your problem is your target audience!
Yes! Indeed! You will likely never score the hot blonde in your English class. She is not above you! Oh no, don't make that mistake. She's simply not worth it! Really, I promise.
Someone who is that obsessed with their looks, and that self-centered is not worth your time. She's too stupid to realize those 500 dollar jeans were made by starving children in China. She's also too stupid to realize what a great partner you'd be for her. Don't bother. She's a bitch anyway.
Look for the quiet ones. Look for the one with the book covering her face. You'll like them better, and chances are, they'll find you charming instead of weird. They'll appreciate your quirks and - here's the best part. They'll appreciate your interest, because most of the time, that nerdy but pretty girl in your class is really, honestly convinced that no one will ever look twice at her. (Just like you.)
See the flash video, "Geeks In Love" for more information. :)
Funny that. :)
2.) When you do get a girlfriend, you lot tend to be obsessive and clingy. We nerdy-girls like our space.
... Please, please read this like five times. Repeat it to yourself at night as you would a mantra or the route for that secret level in Super Mario World. Read mark, and inwardly digest this information.
Do not call your newly-found object of affection more than once every two days unless she asks you to. Give her time to herself. Give her days out with her friends where you don't call her!
When said girl is around, be affection, be loving, be all of those wonderful, caring things you nerdy lot are. It's awesome and we like it.
Just have your own life, please, even if it is leveling your eight seventy on WoW and working. Healthy relationships are the only way to go, and smothering your girl will only make her edgy, annoyed and claustrophobic. Not happy. :\
3.) Taking you out in public can be difficult.
While you know everything about Doctor Who and the technical schematics of every ship in Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica AND Star Wars, most people will not care. Sorry. :(
Please, please don't ramble about these things at social gatherings. It screams that you have no life and are entirely unadjusted to social interaction. Which you are, but practice does make better.
I know it's hard. Trust me, I know. I've got most of the Doctor Who trivia tucked up my sleeve, for Chrissakes, I PLAY the Tenth Doctor on a Livejournal RPG. It doesn't get much nerdier than that.
However, if you don't have anything to contribute to the conversation at hand, being quiet will often just make people assume you are either shy or easily distracted... or a snob, but those lot can go spend a penny off a tall cliff.
If your girl is the outgoing one, let her shine, laugh appreciatively (quietly) at her jokes and make sure you defend her (graciously) against any of those arses who are too oblivious to see what a gem you've found.
--
That's all for this evening's post! I'm fairly tired, it's approaching five at this point, and my PSP is done uploading! Hope my advice has been pointed, but helpful! Any questions will be addressed seriously and with careful consideration. Any requests at for a date will be mercilessly mocked on an open forum.
Happy searching!
-Clover
So...
Yeah, about this. WTF is my deal? I should be working ON MY NOVEL instead of dallying around with this nonsense!